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amen Wendee! {{{hugs}}}
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My husband is going hunting in two weeks. He asked if I'd like to go with him the weekend before to get his camp set up and spend some time together camping. The area he goes to is beautiful with lots of wild horses and I'm into photography right now so it would be a perfect opportunity for some photos. Originally we planned on going up Saturday (in two weeks) and coming home on Sunday. Well, he found out that he could take that Friday off work also, so he wants me to take it off, too so we'll have an extra day. Only problem is that I only have 5 or 6 days vacation left to last me through NEXT September. I would have three weeks, but I had to borrow two weeks last year for my hysterectomy recovery time. He says "Don't think of it as time you don't have, think of it as time you do have and it would be an extra day we could spend together." Which is a nice way to look at it when he has boat loads of vacation time and doesn't have to worry about only having 5 days for the whole year. And part of those 5 days may have to be used for sick time....on those rought IBS days. I tried to explain to him that there's no compromise with him...it's either "take that Friday off or don't go." I even offered for him to go ahead and go Friday and I'd come up Saturday. He doesn't want to do that either. So I gave in and said I'd ask for next Friday off so that everything will be fine. I gave in again to being a "People Pleaser" and it pisses me off. I say OK all the time to people just to keep the peace!!! I'M SICK OF IT!!! I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO BACK TO PIKES PEAK AND SCREAM IT AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!!!
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...like you, constantly berated myself for giving in and putting myself in situations I didn't desire, just because I felt obligated.
I think it's really unfair that your husband isn't more understanding, especially when you have an extremely persuasive reason as to why you can't go on Friday. He should be supportive of your decision instead of making you feel worse about it. That's just insensitive. Plus, I don't get why he says that if you didn't go that Friday as well that you couldn't go Saturday through Sunday? What's up with that? In my opinion, he should be happy to have two days camping with you rather than zero, right? You're making an effort and you want to go. It's not like you're hemming and hawing over it and protesting and making lame excuses why you can't go for a longer period of time.
If I were in your shoes and on the receiving end of that ultimatum, I would have said, "Fine. If you won't accommodate my schedule, then I won't go at all. Have fun!" And then I wouldn't have mentioned it again and acted like I didn't care (even if I did) just to impress upon him that I meant business and he better respect my wishes and my stance on the subject.
Because I used to be such a people pleaser I learned that when you become a "yes" person, the people around you the most expect you to give in. They press and press until they break your will. To me, that is not right and it's disrespectful, even when our loved ones mean well. I've become fierce about turning down people when I know I don't want to do what they're asking, or when I simply don't feel physically able. I dealt with a lot of guilt at first, but as time progressed and I asserted myself more and more I really felt better, stronger and more in control of myself.
I look at it like this, if you're so conscientious of others' feelings, then they should be just as conscientious of yours. Right? So, if you don't want or can't do what they're asking, big deal! It doesn't mean you can't do something in the future, it doesn't mean you hate them, it doesn't mean you're rebuking them personally. It just means "Sorry, not this time. If you care about me, you'll understand."
I'm sorry you're in this position. Hopefully he will come around and understand where you're coming from. And maybe, if you seriously don't want to take of Friday, then tell him you asked and your boss said no because you have an important meeting or something to do that day.
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Thanks for the support Amanda. {{{hugs}}}
I went ahead and turned a vacation request in for Friday off next week and it was approved. I checked the extended weather forecast and it looks like we might have bad weather coming at that time. So unfornuately we might not be able to go. I really want to go, I just don't want to take a vacation day. I wish my husband would understand that. I feel like if the shoe were on the other foot, he would feel the same way I do.
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He probably, no, most definitely would! In any case, I'm sure he appreciates the fact that you're willing to sacrifice a vacation day to go on this trip! (((hugs))) to you too! Hope you have a great Friday!
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Thanks for the support Amanda. {{{Hugs}}}
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