Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards

* Excerpts from the Dog's Diary *

8:00 am - Dog food!!! (My favorite thing!!!!!!)

8:25 am - A car ride!!! (My favorite thing!!!!!!)

8:32 am - A walk in the park!!! (My favorite thing!!!!!!)

8:41 am - Sniffed another dog's butt!!! (My favorite thing!!!!!!)

9:37 am - Got rubbed and petted!!! (My favorite thing!!!!!!)

9:54 am - Nap!!! (My favorite thing!!!!!!)

1:05 pm - Milk bones!!! (My favorite thing!!!!!!)

2:12 pm - Played in the yard!!! (My favorite thing!!!!!!)

3:08 pm - Chased my tail!!! (My favorite thing!!!!!!)

5:00 pm - Dinner!!! (My favorite thing!!!!!!)

7:32 pm - Got to play ball!!! (My favorite thing!!!!!!)

8:00 pm - Watched TV with the people!!! (My favorite thing!!!!!!)

8:57 pm - Rawhide treat!!! (My favorite thing!!!!!!)

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed!!! (My favorite thing!!!!!!)

* Excerpts from the Cat's Diary *

Day 983 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of inedible dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt
for the horrid rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat
something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In yet another
attempt to disgust them, I vomit on the carpet.

This evening I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at
their feet. I'd hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.

There was some sort of assembly of my captors and many of their
accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the
duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the
feast. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of
"allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my
advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am now convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is often released and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is quite obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I regularly observe him communicate
with the guards. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
safe...for now.

More to follow.

--------------------
Taking it one day at a time.....

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