Warning: Sex question!
#303400 - 03/28/07 03:09 PM
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Lisa Marie
Reged: 07/17/06
Posts: 1566
Loc: Lakewood, CO
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I have no one around me to talk to about this, but I figured you guys are really the best-qualified to give me your opinions. No one else in my life can understand my situation better than you all!
Okay, here it is: Do any of you turn down your spouse/significant other when they want to have sex because you have IBS symptoms? I feel like I do it quite a bit, and I feel bad about that. But my symptoms (when I have them) tend to occur in the evening, and feeling C or having gas/bloat doesn't exactly put me in the mood! I know DH understands, and he's very sympathetic to my IBS issues, but I know he gets frustrated, and he has every right to! Being on an AD doesn't really help either since it makes things "more difficult" if you know what I mean. So sex is often a frustrating experience for me.
I love my husband more than anything; it has nothing to do with that. I guess I'm just curious about how you all deal with that aspect of your intimate relationships.
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Lisa, IBS-C (Vegan)
Stable since July 2007!
Mommy to Rhiannon Marie (Dec. 13, 2008)
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I feel the same way. My husband is wonderful to but I know he to gets upset. I just wish I felt better I only have about 1 week a month were I feel "Good". We have been talking about having another baby and I wish I could just feel good engouh to even start trying! Just know your not alone. 
Emmasmom-Ibs-C
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Very good question to ask - my IBS-C when flared up definitely affects my romance life - the last thing I am intereested in is sex. Being cramped, bloated and full of spasms speaks for itself - does not lend to a good romance mood. It has played hard on my marriage and unforutnatley my husband does not quite have an understanding for IBS. I keep praying that he will. Debbie IBS-C
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Instead of intercourse, what about oral? Both men and woman love it and you don't have to worry about weight on your tummy. But if you don't like giving or receiving, then I think you're out of options.
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You're not alone with this one. My husband is very understanding when this happens. Generally, if IBS gets to bothering me, I rely on other tactics, if ya know what I mean  . IBS gives us creative license when it comes to these types of issues. It's okay to make up new things to do that are fun for both and don't aggravate your IBS.
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If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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Definitely not alone.. My bf and i have had almost no possibilities the last few months since my IBS got worse and worse.. and days i felt good enough became less and less.
Now im on Heathers diet and he is getting hope that soon we might again.. That would be nice!
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Arg, I haven't had sex in a while and the only thing I want before my trip is to get laid again!  Having D is not really romantic, as loose bowels don't like to be poked or pushed or shaken back and forth. A couple times when I turned down my BF I shudder to think what could have happened if my D had come back suddenly in the throws of passion. *arg*
All I have to do is mention my stomach and BF understandingly runs in the other direction. We've been really close in the last couple of weeks, watching movies on the computer and cuddling on the bed. But as soon as my stomach settles, I'm jumping his bones. 
~nelly~
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That is sometimes an option, but not if gas is one of my current symptoms! 
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Lisa, IBS-C (Vegan)
Stable since July 2007!
Mommy to Rhiannon Marie (Dec. 13, 2008)
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Thank you for making me laugh, Nelly!
I guess the one thing I'm missing that you all seem to have plenty of is DRIVE. Why don't I WANT to? To be honest, I usually don't care if we do or don't, but DH obviously does. I blame it on birth control, but I had plenty of "drive" years ago while I was on the pill. It's so frustrating!!
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Lisa, IBS-C (Vegan)
Stable since July 2007!
Mommy to Rhiannon Marie (Dec. 13, 2008)
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I don't really have a high drive, even now that my IBS is stable. About 2 years ago when my IBS was really bad, I had no desire to get any ever again. I was just so weak and tired all the time. And if I wasn't feeling absolutely awful, I didn't want to do anything that might change that.
Anyway, I understand where you're coming from.
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I agree, I'm more weak and tired than anything else. I'm on the depo shot and it takes away the major drive I had years ago, but that's probably a good thing compared to how horny I was when I wasn't on it! My BF still turns me on in a big way, but if he didn't, I'd have probably lost interest in men by now!
Tho I think Bam Margera is hot so if he gave me a call, I might be impelled to take a tumble with him. 
~nelly~
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Oh man, can I relate!!! I have NO, none, zip, absolutely zero sex drive!!!!!  Drugs? Illness? Stress? I have no idea. I love my hubby and he is very um, good at sex but at the moment, I could care less if I ever get any again!
I would usually go the oral route if I felt obliged to my hubby but since my jaw dislocated back in the fall, well, that's just not an option now either. My mouth still doesn't open that far!!!!!
I am no help here sweetie but you are not alone!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Thanks, Ladies!! It does make me feel better that I'm not alone... I just wish I could change it. How did we all end up with such great men?? Sometimes I wonder how DH puts up with me. I guess I'll just be patient, and hopefully once my IBS stabilizes I'll be more in the mood.
And I can't WAIT to be off the damn BC pill!! Hopefully only another year or so to go...
Michele - you dislocated your jaw?? Girl, what HASN'T happened to your poor body??
Thanks for the support; you guys are the best 
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Lisa, IBS-C (Vegan)
Stable since July 2007!
Mommy to Rhiannon Marie (Dec. 13, 2008)
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LOL, no I guess not.
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Yes, the arthritis has eaten away my jaw bone and I woke up one day back in October and couldn't open my mouth. Its not right and probably never will be but at least I can eat carefully now! I wear my mouth piece more and more, its clear so its not totally noticeable but I talk funny with it in so its hard at work.
Maybe you should switch bc pills? Are you on a monophasic or triphasic pills?
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Ugh, I tried the switcharoo thing so many times... when I first complained that I had no libido, they switched me to something with more testosterone, which did horrible things to my skin!! I suffered with acne for so many years that that was just not an option. I can't tolerate any amount of testosterone. I tried a few others, but nothing helped and it all made me feel worse in other ways. I'm currently on a monophasic pill that I take continually; I haven't had a period in over a year which is wonderful. I feel great on it, and my skin looks wonderful, too. So, considering we'll probably start trying for kids in a year or two, it's not worth it to me to go through the pain of adjusting to a new pill now.
I wish there was a pill or herb I could take to get me revved up!!
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Lisa, IBS-C (Vegan)
Stable since July 2007!
Mommy to Rhiannon Marie (Dec. 13, 2008)
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is about all I have too! How pathetic is that!?! I know only us IBS'rs can relate. Thank goodness!
I too have refrained for quite some time. I know it's an awful feeling to really have no desire. I honestly could take it or leave it. Men just are different and NEED it. I try to satisfy him orally to make up for not being in the mood.
Just don't stress over it. Hopefully just knowing we all feel that way is enough for you to not feel bad. If your hubby is understanding, he most likely will always be. Mine's been putting up with it for probably 10 years or so. Yes, we are lucky to have such understanding men!
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~~~Lisa~~~
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Yohimbine
#303636 - 03/30/07 04:50 PM
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Nelly
Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC
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You can try Yohimbine. I've used it before. It helps blood flow down htere. They sell it in both male and female strengths at health food stores. Kinda of a funny herb smelling horse pill, but it does what it says it does.
~nelly~
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question
#303688 - 03/31/07 04:38 PM
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Debby
Reged: 11/05/03
Posts: 460
Loc: Cleveland, Ohio
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This is kind of unrelated but what does "DH" stand for?
I'm guessing dear hubby?
Or I could be really off on that one....
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I really hope that this doesn't offend, but have you tried reading some erotica to get "in the mood"? Usually my drive is quite good, but if I haven't been feeling well for a while, it can fade away. Reading a couple of explicit stories takes care of that quite nicely.
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-Carol
IBS-A
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Re: question
#303695 - 04/01/07 03:41 AM
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Mary_V
Reged: 05/09/06
Posts: 544
Loc: Grandville, MI
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DH = dear husband
DW = dear wife
DS = dear son
DD = dear daughter
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~Mary
Had surgery for rectal prolapse in Sept. '06 and feeling good now! Loving life with our IVF miracle #1.
 
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I'm a pretty difficult person to offend.
Thanks for the suggestion! I do know that sometimes reading racey novels can help....!
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Lisa, IBS-C (Vegan)
Stable since July 2007!
Mommy to Rhiannon Marie (Dec. 13, 2008)
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Never heard of this... Do you have to take it regularly for it to work? Any side effects that you know of? Is this something I could ask a doctor or pharmacist about?
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Lisa, IBS-C (Vegan)
Stable since July 2007!
Mommy to Rhiannon Marie (Dec. 13, 2008)
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I am glad to know others feel this way when the IBS gets a going. Last night my DH wanted sex and I just groaned, which he then understands that this may not be a very good time to be asking. He is very understanding and because of this I usually give in to him. It may not be at all comfortable for me and I definately do not feel sexy but he is very patient and understanding, so this is how I deal with it.
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Before I was stable, I was extremely hesitant about having sex because I was afraid of it causing D right during the middle of everything. However, now that I'm stable and don't have to worry about D anymore I am more able to say yes without fear. The one thing that still holds me back (other than the slow libido that seemed to arrive around the same time as my IBS peaked) is worrying about having gas. I just try to avoid gassy foods if I think he might be in the mood that evening so I don't have to worry about it quite so much.
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Chickey, I understand completly.. Before I was stable I was a D with alot of pain.. My fiance completly understands because he has his moments (mostly after mass amounts of hot sauce )where he makes himself sick and isn't really interested in sex for that night.
As for lack of drive, I understand where you are comming from.. my fiance and I work damn near opposite shifts so sometimes it gets to the point where if we don't do it on say sunday @ 1pm then it isn't going to happen for another week or more and that kinda takes the fun out of it. It also puts alot of pressure on it..
As for ways to get in the mood.. I fully admit to it, I'm a gal that enjoys watching porn.. I got to pick one out for my bday this last year and it was the best thing I could have purchased.. I also find that having a hot bubble bath and doing whatever it is that you have to do to feel really relaxed is a plus AND if you can convince your DH to purchase an erotic massage book.. It's a good thing.. If I need help to relax I sometimes get a massage and the book teaches all the little pressure points..
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You guys are great. I never expected so many open and honest responses to my post. It makes me feel SO much better knowing I'm not alone in this one! You guys have some great suggestions, too! I think I need to get over my insecurities (I'm not very "adventurous" when it comes to sex) and try some new things!
Thanks, ladies!
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Lisa, IBS-C (Vegan)
Stable since July 2007!
Mommy to Rhiannon Marie (Dec. 13, 2008)
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Hi everybody i'm a new member to this web site.I have been treated with this problem for one year now. I sometimes feel guility when i have to turn down my boyfriend when he wants to have sex. I get my symptons every couple of months.
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