I have a lot going on..
#30328 - 12/06/03 02:40 PM
|
|
|
|
KinOz
Reged: 02/02/03
Posts: 909
Loc: Brisbane, Australia
|
|
|
Hi everyone,
I haven't left or forgotten you al but it seems this is a time for me to be tested.
I can't even remember what I last posted but this is what has been going on for me.
The last transfer sadly did not work but we decided to continue and have a go the very next month.
Nov 26th - My father in law (my husband's step father since he was young - his real father passed away suddenly last year from a heart attack) was diagnosed with aggressive pancreatic cancer.
Nov 27th - our embryos were thawed in preparation for our transfer on the 28th. They kept succumbing and we had to thaw 6 of those precous beings in order to have 2 to transfer.
- I sensed things weren't right with my husband and took him to the GP with what I thought might be depression. My GP did nothing which I would later curse him for!
Nov 28th - I went to the hospital for transfer number 4 while Brad (my husband) stayed with his Mum during my father -in-laws massive operation that took 7.5 hours.
Nov 29th - Brad has a complete breakdown and the things that happened there will break my heart forever. The pain of watching somene you love suffer so much is so hard. He was admitted to hospital and remains there now.
Dec 6th - Harrison's 3rd birthday party. Brad was allowed by the doctor for me to pick him up to go to the party and return him afterwards. Again my heart was broken by the sight of my husband who adores our child not taking any interest in him or me.
Dec 7th - today.
I have no idea when Brad will be home. It's so hard trying to stay positive and be strong. With all that's happened to me lately I don't know where I can get any more strength but I know I need to find it somewhere. I almost feel as if Brad has died because it's like his body is here but his spirit is somewhere else. It's so hard arriving at the hospital and not even seeing a flicker of happiness in his eyes at seeing me.
He always used to tell me how much he loved me and missed me and I know he still does but is not capable of showing it. But it makes me feel so lost without him. He was always my rock and I consider myself to be more of a bowl of jelly (if you damage the container at all the rest falls apart!) I'm just so scared that I won't be able to hold all the pieces together.
The only real interaction or show of emotion I have had from Brad is when he put his hand on my stomach and said "I know this one has worked". Now I'm so scared of how it will affect him if it doesn't.
Has anyone else been through a similiar thing with a partner? I could really do with some insight here.
Kerrie 
--------------------
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I've never been through what you're describing, hon. But I want to offer any words of encouragement I can. I think some of the most comforting words are the simplest: "This too will pass". That feels so empty to say that to you, but I am certain this is not forever and there will be a day, sometime, that you will look back and wonder how you got through all this... but you did. All of you did! In the meantime, I will keep you in specific prayer, and your husband Brad and your dear Harrison (happy birthday to him!) I will pray the Lord will show Himself strong and full of grace to you. Hang in there, hon! We're here for you.
Your friend,
--------------------
Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
oh, my...
#30364 - 12/06/03 08:43 PM
|
|
|
|
Shanna
Reged: 11/15/03
Posts: 471
Loc: Atlanta, GA, USA
|
|
|
I cannot empathize, because I cannot possibly have any idea of what you are going through. All I can say is that you have my sympathy and condolences... and all the positive vibes I have to send your way!
You seem like a woman of strong character and will... I admire that.
If you need to vent, we're here for you!
What has your husband been diagnosed with?
Best of Luck!
Love,
Shanna
--------------------
"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." -- e e cummings
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Kerrie, you certainly have so much going on and your message gave me goosebumps. I feel for you so much. You seem so strong and this is probably also a survival mechanism to help you cope in these trying circumstances.
I haven't experienced this with a partner, but I have with my mother who has had a few breakdowns and suffers from acute depression.
If you want to talk about this more, you have my email, let me know. I'm here for you!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Kerry I was very touched by your post. I've had
depression and I know you can recover from it.
I feel so much for you. I will keep you in
my prayers. May God give you strength and carry
you through these difficult times.
val....
--------------------
A Safe Place
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Kerrie,
You DO have a lot going on. Keep that in mind. A lot of the things taking place are out of your control--they're externals. Try to keep focused on what IS in your control.
Being so sick and unable to work on and off the past four months...not being able to be a wife for my husband...I had to focus on taking care of myself because that was the only thing I could control. I can't control being sick. I can't control the fact that I was too exhausted to get out of bed so the house became a mess and my husband had to do everything. I felt so helpless! I felt like I would never get better. I was scared my hubby would divorce me...we've been married just over a year and I'm always sick. I was terrified.
Then it occured to me that I can pray, drink lots of fluids, sleep when I need to, miss work to rest, eat properly, learn to say no, de-stress, and stuff like that. These things ARE in my control. I know our situations are different...but I hope that sharing this with you will at least give you something to focus on.
Please keep in touch and let us know if there is anything we can do.
Love,
Ruchie
--------------------
Formerly known as Ruchie
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Kerrie-
My heart and my prayers go out to you. My mother suffered from depression, which in her case turned to substance abuse…So, while our cases are completely different, I can relate to watching someone you love very dearly completely deteriorate before your eyes (and feeling completely helpless). Just know that your husband does love you with all his heart, and it will more than likely be your love and support that carries him through. And take care of yourself!
--------------------
Heather
"Quod me Nutrit me Destruit"
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Oh Kerrie I really feel for you. Depression is a horrible thing to suffer from and you are a great wife to want to be there for him.
Your family will be in thoughts and prayers everyday and know God is there for you to lean on.
Blessings,
Barb
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Oh Kerrie.. I was wondering how you were doing and am saddened to hear about all your past events. Just know that we're here for you and will be thinking of you and your family.
--------------------
- Jennifer
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I am new to the board. I was scrolling down and saw yours and clicked. I was taken back by all that you've been through. I am so sorry. My husband will be away for three weeks. He just left yesterday. I was thinking about how much I miss him already. And then I read about your husband, and now I feel selfish for being so petty. My husband is healthy, just away for a short time. But you, you have to deal with uncertainty helplessness and fear. And that makes me feel for you. Life can be so overwhelming sometimes. When something like this happens we all wonder why it has to be. I know my story probably isn't helping but these were my initial thoughts. Nothing I say with take the pain away but maybe ease it because I and all the others who replied are thinking about you. After this passes(as another person who replied said it would) you will definately look back and say 'my goodness, I made it'. Time flys by and before you know it you have entered another part of your life. The storm is over and then you will appreciate the sunshine more. Just take everything day by day. Literally day by day. That might make things easier. To plan for the future or look back with only increase your fear and helplessness. Take care!!!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Posts
