lol bathroom jokes,
#273388 - 07/10/06 03:26 PM
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chely24
Reged: 02/22/06
Posts: 313
Loc: ohio
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The following are away messages to use with your instant messaging client while you are in the bathroom.
Nature is calling and I'm answering!
HELP! I'm trapped in the toilet, I fell in. Can you please help me... Hello... Hello.. Uh-oh i think someone is coming.
I'm taking advantage of indoor plumbing! I'll be right back!
When you got to go, you got to go.
I am not here I'm on the potty, but don't leave if you're a hotty
I'm in a foreign land far far away... Oh wait, this is just the bathroom.
Making an offering to the porcelain god... be back in about 20 minutes.
I'm in the bathroom right now...Be back in a splash.
Drop me a message while I drop something in the toilet!
I'm feeding the potty, please leave a message and I'll get back to you when its full!
King(or Queen) (your name) is on the throne.
I've to run cause I got the runs.
If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down.
Fiber cleans everything but the toilet.
Doody calls.
I'm at the bank making a deposit, no not that kind of bank, I'm on the toilet.
Making big waves in the toilet.
Swish, swish, goes the pee. Plop, plop, goes the poop. I'm in the bathroom!
You know you are addicted to the internet when you refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
Dropping the kids off at the pool.
There is a place... Like no other place... A place of learning... A place of hope... A place of warmth... A place of security... A place of healing... A place of relaxation... A place of love... And no matter what, a part of you is always left behind.
You've guessed it. I'm on the can.
In about 5 minutes I will weigh about 5 pounds less than I do right now.
Be right back I am feeding the toilet its dinner.
I am diposing some of my natural resorces.
I'm trying out my new toilet paper.
Drop me a message while I drop something in the toilet.
Doing some consulting with my toilet right now.
Doodie called and now we're having a long conversation in the bathroom.
Seeing if there really are 1000 sheets of toilet paper in each roll.
Hey I am relieving myself, I'll be back when its all over.
The average person goes to the bathroom 6 times per day. This is one of those times.
Sorry I'm not here at my computer at the present moment, but I am on the toilet. If you would like to come over and bring me some toilet paper that would be greatly appreciated.
It's "Potty Time."
If you are reading this then that means I have gone to a better place... yep I am on the toilet.
Be back in a flush... I mean flash.
I'm stuck in the potty.
-------------------- http://www.myspace.com/rachelle423
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You know you are addicted to the internet when you refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
For some reason, that one really cracked me up. I'm such a nerd.
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are there really 1,000 sheets per roll? Maybe one day I'll count when I'm really bored and on the can.
-------------------- ***********************
If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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I found this on a site called goodquotes.com to be used as an answering machine message. I like having the Mission Impossible theme running in my head while I read it.
(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message
Avidan
-------------------- Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated?
--'Weird' Al Yankovic, "A Complicated Song"
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Of potty humor, that is, has anyone seen this? A friend emailed it to me a couple years ago when I was stressing about pooping at work (as I'm sure a lot of IBSers do!) I love it! Still get a huge laugh out of it when I read it!
HOW TO POOP AT WORK
As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the survival guide for taking a dump at the office.
CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be minimized with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
SAFE HAVENS: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a same-sex pooper entering your bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR: Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON: A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
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Quote:
CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
LOL!! everytime im in the bathroom in public and someone walks in , i clear my throat or something so they know not to knock and say 'is someone in there??'
-------------------- http://www.myspace.com/rachelle423
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Quote:
CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
This is the one I am probably most guilty of
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