feeling blessed....
#270295 - 06/20/06 11:16 PM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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Well, I'm beginning to feel a little bit of light at the end of this tunnel of despair, starting today especially.
I have had an interesting day! At first, I got up, took K to school, cleaned the heck out of the house as I haven't had the strength to do in weeks, mowed the lawn and tidied the yard.
Then I went to an interview for a summer job and got it without even finishing my application. I had had a summer job lined up, but this one pays me $2.00 more per hour. The guy was interested in me to say the least.
I went off to see my pastor after this, and he gives me great guidance and is telling me how proud he is of how healthily I am managing this breakup...then he suggests counselling and guess what? It's $125 an hour, and the CHURCH is paying for it for me!! How wonderful is that??
THEN he asks me if I've applied at the Christian school my church is affiliated with, and I said, no, well sort of but no leads thus far...and he offered HIS name as a reference! I've only met the pastor twice in person so I'm just touched by his generosity.
I found out about two affordable housing co-ops in my community today that are cheaper in rent and much nicer (not to mention NEWER) than this...who knows if I can get into one, but still I'm feeling that it's not all destitute after all. Thanks be to God!
I also found out why I fell for my STBX, and why he fell for me in the first place. I know for certain that it's NOT the reason I'd be with him anymore, and that's a big part of why our relationship has failed. I needed him to rescue me; he needed to feel like a hero. He doesn't have that need to feel heroic for me anymore, as he's found another lost sheep to pick up.
I have found inner strength in this lonely relationship, and don't need him to rescue me from myself anymore. I like who I'm becoming. I like that I've stopped demoralizing myself and allowing everyone to make my choices for me. I love that I've become a good Christian like I always said I would be someday. So he can't fill the role of rescuing me from my awful life(read: choices), because God really did that, deep down.
I guess that means, I've found acceptance in a way. Counselling will help a lot in this but so far, I'm so pleased with how it's going.
If anything, this is giving me the strength to survive, and the will to beat this whole mess. I'm not feeling vindictive towards STBX(soon to be ex) but rather so at peace with the fact that God's taking care of one of His kids. I feel safe. It's going to be hard, it's going to be scary, but I KNOW I will be OK now. I know this church, this community, this everything surrounding me is here for a reason now.
Take care!
-------------------- Keep on keepin' on...
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Shannon this is wonderful news, on all fronts!
Congratulations I'm glad you're finding some peace. Jenn
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WOW SHANNON.. what a revelation!
You sound 100% better than you did a few weeks ago, and i'm so happy to hear about the new job this summer, possible new place, and the fact that you will be getting some counseling. Things are finally going your way, and its about time! I'm happy to hear that you're feeling better! I hope it continues! However, even if there are some bad days in the future (which there may be.. break-ups suck) you know where to turn. We're here for your ups and your downs...
Congrats on everything!! What is the new job?
--------------------
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I am so happy that you are finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. As Ashley said, there will be bad days, but you are doing 100 times better than I can imagine ever doing. You are one super cookie.
-------------------- Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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Shannon, I'm also very happy for you, relieved and excited for your prospects. I'm so glad you've gotten yourself into counseling. For me, I started in counseling and that helped me get out!
Like everyone else said, there will be bad days ahead. Just stay strong and if you get overwhelmed with the bad, remember how blessed you are. If you have to, write down all the things that you are blessed for so when the bad days come, you can read back through them and it'll help to cheer you up.
You've got a lot of good going on. Continue to be thankful but don't forget to allow yourself to mourn. When you have some alone time, allow yourself to cry or yell or whatever. No matter how grateful you feel now, don't stuff away any negative emotions. The sooner you get them out the better.
You're on your way, lady!! Lauren
-------------------- Flipada - IBS-C "It's a gas, gas, gas"
**Lauren**
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You are a "Super Cookie".
-------------------- Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
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Shannon this is all just great on all fronts. Yay re the summer job Bigger yay re the pastor giving you a reference for the school and thunderous yay about the possibility of accommodation that is nicer and cheaper.
You are doing great honey
-------------------- S.
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Our little Cookie:
Gotta love the feeling of a clean home!!
Congrats on the job and the $2.00 raise if ya wanna call it that..hehehe
I'm glad you went to see your pastor and that he is giving your guidance and support...that is wonderful...
Good luck on the housing if you should choose to go that route...
You are such a STRONG WOMAN!!
{{HUGS AND SOFT PATS ON YOUR BACK}}.... your making great progress.....
-------------------- www.facebook.com/shell.marr
www.myspace.com/shellmarr
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Oh My,,,,you gave me tears while reading that.I'm so glad things are looking up for you and you are no longer feeling like things are all your fault.I still think there is a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow.Hang in there, girl!!! HUGS!!!
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That is sooo amazing!! I'm so happy for you!! And your church to pay for your counseling is awesome!! God always comes through some how! Keep us updated, this is so exciting!
-------------------- http://www.myspace.com/rachelle423
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Wonderful! I'm so glad you are finding the peace and stregnth needed to get through this. You will come out a better person with a better life!
-------------------- Taking it one day at a time.....
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So glad...
#270356 - 06/21/06 09:58 AM
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Natalie1985
Reged: 08/09/04
Posts: 1329
Loc: UK - Leeds for uni, Merseyside for home!
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you're finally feeling more and more positive and that things have been looking up...only just managed to post on this now having been really busy...I hope things just keep getting better for you shannon and its nice to see that spark in you is coming back
-------------------- Natalie
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-------------------- ***********************
If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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You sound so great! I'm so happy for you and I hope that things continue to look up!
-------------------- jen
"It's one of the most serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle -- to get one's head cut off." -- LC
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you all rock!!!
-------------------- Keep on keepin' on...
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the new job is at Tim Horton's, you know, coffee and donuts, but it's just for the summer, but he's begging that I work there into the fall and winter. I told him I just might NEED to, and it'll keep me responsible, and still able to sub, which is a HUGE blessing. I may not have to move out of town if I stay with Tim's on the weekends when school gets in. Then I can save up money possibly, or at least AFFORD things, you know?
-------------------- Keep on keepin' on...
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and I do, just not much. I think it's been sort of a marriage on life support for fouir years, so I do sense I will heal faster and get on with life sooner than those married and blissful for twenty years. It's been six years of my life, but in terms of eighty, it's a blink of an eye.
-------------------- Keep on keepin' on...
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that for some reason or another, I do believe I will get married again, to a NICE guy, and have another child, and actually be more financially stable this time round too. Can't tell you why I feel that, but I'm incredibly intuitive, so maybe it's that I'm psycho, er psychic??
-------------------- Keep on keepin' on...
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Love you bunches. I am so impressed with your strength. Aren't churches awesome? I will keep you in my prayers. God bless! XOXO A.
-------------------- Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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I'm glad you're feeling a lot better Shannon. You're strong and you'll be just fine.
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Thinking about you a lot Shannon! I'm glad to hear you are doing well and coping right now. Sounds like you have a plan that is working. Keep up the counseling. That is awesome the church is going to pay for it. What a great church you belong too. You will get through this.
Take care!!!
-------------------- ~~~Lisa~~~
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I am so happy to hear that you are having such clarity and feeling so optimistic today. I hope all the days ahead are like this!
-------------------- Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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