The game has changed.
#268657 - 06/10/06 02:07 PM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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If you can believe it, my EX brought his new fling out for lunch with my daughter today. I specifically BEGGED him not to. Go, just go. I want to move. Far away.
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oh no he didn't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
I cannot believe that.. especially after you asked him not to do so. You are still married and you should have 100% say about what goes on around your daughter. Especially if they acting as though they are having a fling right in front of her.. she'll get all confused, and this could really hurt her in the long run (sorry but i'm a child psychologist and I see things like this all the time- you may not think that she realizes anything, but ten years down the line it could really hurt her)! she's only a young innocent child and does not need to be in the middle of this.
He's really taking this too far.. you guys aren't even legally seperated yet right? That is really infuriating! I can't believe this 17 yr old wants anything to do with a man with a child. What are you going to do? What did you say to him? This is really pushing it waaaay too far!!
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Hi Shannon,
I'm so sorry to read this. I think that you should definitely keep a record of all of this stuff and take it with you to the lawyer.
He definitely shouldn't be parading his mistress infront of your daughter. I mean it would only confuse/potentially upset your daughter.
Jenn
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Hi Shannon. I'm sorry to read that your ex continues to...degenerate. What a total jerk. So sorry you have to go through this. *hugs if you want 'em*
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as I'm a teacher with child psychology background info, I KNOW what it can do, and cited several studies, and he simply doesnt' care and thinks she's tough, she's resilient, it won't hurt her. We tlaked and I told him I was sickened by it.
It just changes the game. now I guess I will file for complete custody.
What can i do though when I'm not there and he is? I ahve to work to make ends meet, we don't have daycare, it's impossible to find here and I can't afford it anyhow.
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he asked me not to tell his mom who he's house sitting for, that she was in his home. I won't tell her because I'm not getting into that war but holy, the nerve.
She also explicitly told him not to do that. The teenybopper didn't stay overnight, but I'm sure something went on there when he brought her over, before I dropped our daughter off there... Sick. We're not even legally separated.I think I'm calling this dead and over, because how can someone possibly come back from that breach of trust?
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Edited by Tuff Cookie (06/10/06 03:54 PM)
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what about hiring a babysitter during the day.. or any family that could watch her?
Child support payments from the ex will cover childcare if you are working.. and hopefully you'll be able to find a job and have that income, in addition to his child support payments.
Ugh.. I still can't believe he brought her around.. thats serious!
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I agree
#268696 - 06/10/06 05:10 PM
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Portageegal
Reged: 06/28/05
Posts: 940
Loc: Massachusetts
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Keep a record of all of this stuff. Names, dates, places, etc. Keep a camera with you all the time, too. A picture is worth a thousand words.
I feel so bad for you. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better.
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Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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Shannon,
I am sorry that you have to go through yet another hurtful experience at the hands of your husband. You are correct when you say the game has changed. His actions are now effecting Kayleigh and not in a positive way.
I am really appalled at his total lack of respect for you and your feelings and also the feelings of his daughter. He seems to have a total disregard for what is best for her.
I agree with others that you should be keeping a log of everything that is going on. And if you haven't already please see an attorney. This situation doesn't sound like it is going to get any better and you need to be protected.
The nerve of him to commit adultery right in front of you.
Sending lots of hugs and prayers.
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Janey
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Gee, someone is not wanting a very smooth divorce does he? What an immature idiot!
Sorry you and your daughter are dealing with this CRAP!! A MATURE MAN would know better!
I'd say, "Don't let the door hit your @ss on the way out!!"
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I agree with everything that has been suggested to you ... when I was divorced I recordered every conversation, every phone conversation, and every message that my ex left on my phone. Although most of it was not good in court it sure made interesting listening when the attorneys got to together.
Now you really need to be careful what you say, and to whom. I was surprised by the number of friends that my ex and I had that tried to get me to say things about her.
Mum's the word ...
Chinese proverb: Speak slow, think fast.
He's going to want at least partial custody, and the minimum amount of support that he has to pay. And he is going to be paying for years. Don't give him anything that he can use against you.
It's time to get tough sister ... he is treating you as if you were nothing ... it's time to give him nothing in return.
My heart and prayers go out to you and your daughter. I am so very sorry that you have to go through this.
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 Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
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Grill him. That is unacceptable. My parents had the most twisted relationship and when stuff like this starts I know where it will lead. Your poor baby is going to be so confused and you already know how it will affect her, I don't have to tell you. What a dillhole. I'm going back to flaming bag of pooh. Yes it childish, but it's dang funny and theraputic to watch someone who's hurt you stomp out that bag.
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If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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What a total jerk. Is there any way to refuse visitation, or have his visits supervised by a court liason to make sure the bimbo is not there?
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I said "please, just go. Go." and he said "you go!" Very grown up for 29.
I'm not giving up my residence for this [censored]. No way.
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yep, pretty ballsy. Pretty stupid. Leads me to believe he's on drugs, for the first time in his life.
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That's going through my mind. I'd also like to key his brand new car.
And put neet in the shampoo. 
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he said "whatever you want" when we discussed custody the other day. I think I'll go for full or majority anyhow. I don't want her exempt from his life or vice versa...but what a rude, low blow. And trying to get me to keep his secret? filthy.
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Good for you Shannon. I think you will feel much stronger when you know what your rights are legally.
Good Luck tomorrow!
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Janey
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And I think at this next get together, you need to invite this 17 year old's father and your mother-in-law.  Let's lay it allll out on the line, baybee. You're not keeping crap from no one! It's not up to you to hide these degenerates' problems!
~nelly~ 
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that's my girl ......
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Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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Oh Shannon, I am so sorry he keeps upping the stakes like this. I think you are making all the right decisions, and everyone else has given you good advice.. I just wanted to chime in with my support and to say that you and your daughter are in my thoughts.
**hugs**
Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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ugh
#268849 - 06/11/06 04:05 PM
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I don't know what to say, Shannon, other than "I'm sorry!" There's nothing you can do to stop him, so I guess you'll just have to reiterate how important it is for Kayleigh not to be confused and then hope that he will act appropriately.
It just sucks!!!
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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Re: ugh
#268864 - 06/12/06 10:07 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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I'm so sorry Shannon. I agree though, its time to get tough. Change the locks on the doors, whatever you need to do but you do not leave! Be sure to document all of this because you will need it for court. He will be made to pay child support which should help cover the cost of daycare. Hugs and love!!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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What is wrong with these Canadian men. They left their perfect good looking wives and gorgeous kids.
Maybe it is a Canadian thing....
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Had my IBS since 2001 after 9/11
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and he will subject our daughter to this regardless of what I feel, and I don't have a legal leg to stand on. By the time these papers are filed she'll be 18 and legally nobody can say anything. He's sleeping with her now, he's admitted. And I just did his laundry. OMIGOD.
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 Natalie
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***********************
If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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ask for full custody, if you don't, at least you know you tried, i know here, you have to go through mediation first, then if you can't resolve anything, then you have to go to court. i don't know how it is over there. look strong, but not overbareing...don't talk down about him too much in the meidation/court...you have to prove that your daughter is better with you....keep in mind it's both your daughter, so regaurd to her as "our daughter" he'll probably pull the "she doens't want me in her life" or something, or you are trying to get back at him...just keep saying you want your guys' daughter's best interest in mind, and thats all you care about. that's the most important.
it's disgusting that your husband is sleeping with the girl now...but obviously he doens't want to repair what you guys have, so i say f*ck em....unfortunatly , that is too easy for me to say...i'll say screw you to anyone that doens't want me...which makes fights with me kinda bad...because i always end up acting like i can do better, or don't need you at all..which puts it into dangerous zones...but work on yourself, and your daughter, and when he has time with your daughter, go out with friends, get a drink (a drink...not drinks..lol) see a movie, when the battle between my daughter's father and i started i was a wreck, our situation was really different, he wasn't around for about 2 years, then slammed me with wanting 50% custody...idiot, anyway...i was a mess because i was use to having her around so much, slowly i started going out with friends, i joined a gym, i eventually started to work at as a personal trainer, met a whole bunch of people who really reminded me of a good person i am...and i met mike...we've had difficulties in the past, but we've been working on them...but my crazy road, became a little less windey, and more smooth. It was hard as hell at first to let go of the anger toward her father...i still hate him...and the guilt of a "single mom" though i'm married, and everything, it's still not the "ideal" life i wanted to give my daughter. but they know early whats bad and whats good..etc..and she's so mommy's little girl...she hardly sees her dad, his mom takes care of her during visits, which sickens me that he doen'st really step up....but she knows whats ghetto and blah and whats good
best of luck to you girl sorry you have to deal with it though 
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shannon
#268975 - 06/12/06 03:57 PM
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I can't believe he admitted to sleeping with her (but I have no trouble believing that he did sleep with her). Please keep dated, written records of all of these details, however heinous. I don't anything about Canadian divorce law (I don't know a whole heaping load about American divorce law either, for that matter), but I can't imagine adultry will work out well for him. Record everything. Keep your chin up babe.
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Who are these other Canadians you are refering to?
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This is a great one for Dr. Phil!!! Your EX-to-be is one hugh waste!!! Dr Phill would reduce him to ant size and tell you to "kick his ass to the curb RIGHT NOW. I know you have to tread on soft ground right now but believe me as soon as those legal seperation papers were in effect he would be HISTORY and NEVER enter my home again!! If and only "IF" the judge feels he is NOT a safety issue for your daughter would he be alone with her. Otherwise, he would only see her when supervised. I agree with everyone else; YOU are too good for him nd you deserve so much more for your life and your sweet precious daughters. I will keep you in my prayers. Keep on keeping on dear one.
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on paper and on a disc.
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***********************
If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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It's just a that-kind-of-guy thing. The world is littered with idiots. The rest of us just have to pick our way through.
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If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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