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I ditto this and was thinking the same thing but wasn't sure how to exactly say it! hang in there Shannon
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Sweetheart, the fact that he said it's none of your business is a defensive response. It makes him sound guilty. Furthermore, I think IMHO that it is absolutely your business. You are still his wife and you have every right to know what is going on. That might make him angry though.
Lastly, I think he should absolutely get counselling - even alone and not necessarily with you. It's the very least he can do for you and Kayleigh.
If there is another woman, a counselor can tell him that affairs usually exist in a bubble and are not based on reality. It's based on infatuation and fantasy. Relationships that start as affairs rarely work out because once they get into reality of life and work and kids, they discover it wasn't as great as they thought. A counselor would at least help him consider things before he does something life altering and potentially stupid. You are a beautiful, wonderful person inside and out and I hope to goodness he realizes that before it's too late.
Love and hugs, A.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Yes, sounds like we would be a lot alike. There are things I won't tolerate-outright cheating, verbal or physical abuse to myself or Kayleigh in any way. However we are just sort of coexisting for the few hours a day he's here, which isn't much!!
And I did ask him about the phone call and have asked him 3-4 times if there's a girl or even the THOUGHT of a girl and he SWEARS no, from day one, and he might as well ahve told me that day, because he was ready to walk out that night...
That's why I think he's being honest, though a little snarky with me. Plus I don't think he could live with himself if he slept beside his daughter's mom while having sex with some young punk girl.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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Shannon,
Sorry to say but you'd be surprised what men can "live with". Most men are better able to compartmentalize their feelings. They can be happy with you, forget about you when they're with another and be happy with the other one, too. Women are much too emotional to be able to handle it well, at least not for long!
I was CERTAIN my ex wouldn't cheat. First off, he "never cheated" on his previous girlfriend of 8 years and then "didn't date much" till he met me. Secondly, I thought he was too lazy to go through all the trouble to find someone out of town. We lived in a small town and had mutual friends. I thought he would have had to go out of town to do that.
What I found out was that most people won't tell you anything unless they can prove it without a doubt. So, while others may have suspicions, they don't usually share because they might be wrong.
I later found out he slept with one of my best friends...
You don't ever really KNOW a person. Sad to say but true. You can know a lot...but not everything they're truly capable of. I know this is a downer and I'm not saying that this applies to your husband but think about how many people were SURE their spouse wouldn't cheat and then were later shocked. How bout the women that find out their husband is a murderer, child molester or rapist...I'm guessing none of them had a clue that their husband/boyfriend would be capable of that.
You need to take steps to protect yourself and your child. As others have said, get a lawyer. If things end up getting better, you don't have to go through with a divorce. But you might be sorry later that you weren't proactive.
And please, please don't sleep with him anymore without protection! Please.
I'm sending big hugs your way.
Lauren
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Flipada - IBS-C "It's a gas, gas, gas"
**Lauren**
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Flipada mirrored much of what I said below and you need to know that you DESERVE peace of mind.
I know someone who's husband was having an affair with another girl and were it not for the fact that she had herpes he would have slept with her. What if she hadn't told him that she had herpes and he brought it back to his wife? That would be so unfair.
At her next ob/gyn appointment, she had the doctor check her for everything. She was totally humiliated especially when she had to sign off on an HIV test but I say GOOD FOR HER! I am proud of her for that.
I am all about giving Trevor the benefit of the doubt but this phone call worries me.
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Have a blessed day! Rachel
Formerly poochibelly...
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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Lauren,
#265065 - 05/23/06 02:56 PM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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There is NOTHING sexual happening in our life between the two of us right now. NOTHING, and there won't be. I'm way too proud to be girl #2. I've been there, and hated it.
you are right, I may never know him, but the pics I see make me think he is chatting with a girl online and gave her his #, so that's it. If they'd have been "together" he'd have pics of the two of them as a couple. I saw a pic of him, just a stupid pic of him like you'd find on a stupid website today and no more pics even though he had the camera with him yesterday. I'm watching closely.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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I really think it's just a girl he found on the computer and was flirting with on the phone. He has had his camera with him lately and I ahve been watching to see if any pics of her arrive...and nothing yet.Just a pic he took of his face, and a pic that looks like a webcam took it of this girl's face.
that's why I think what I think.
ps- there's no sex between us and won't be, don't worry.
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Keep on keepin' on...
Edited by Shannon :) (05/23/06 03:05 PM)
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Shannon...
#265077 - 05/23/06 03:17 PM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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You poor sweetheart, I really don't know what I would do in your position. I am like Amanda, in that I HAVE to know what is going on, I would freak about the phonecall and as for the photo...Honey I hope you are doing OK, just wanted to lend my support, I have nothing constructive or useful to say...cyber hugs...
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S.
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Shannon! I'm just sick about this for you! Especially the 3am phone call that is "none of your business!" Excuse me??? He's still your husband and it is your business! OMG how did you not punch him out?!?!?!?!?
This is my worse fear. Something like this happening to my marriage. I don't believe it will ever happen but my gosh you just never know! Men can be complete jerks and only think of themselves! They also, I believe, can sleep with other women and then come home to their wives and sleep with them then and think nothing of it. We all know that they think with!!(Sorry Tommy or other men reading this. I know you aren't like that!) Not that women aren't capable too but I know for myself I'd have GUILT written all over my face. I could never do it.
I hope it gets better for you before it gets worse. I'm praying for you that everything works out. Hang in there girl and stay strong!!!!!!!
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~~~Lisa~~~
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Shannon
#265137 - 05/23/06 04:43 PM
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If you have seen a picture of himself on his camera and a picture of an unknown girl on the computer I hate to say this but it "looks" like he's def getting to know someone.
I say that because when Tommy and I were getting to know each other we sent pics of one another. I never cheated on the ex but hr did see me opening a pic of Tommy in te early days and got furious. I guess he was smart enough to figure out that there was an attraction there if we were exchaning pics.
I just don't want you to dismiss the cheating thing incase it does happen. Or maybe he's lying about having not met anyone when he really has.
I'm so sorry, this is rotten!! 
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