how do you get people to understand?
#263331 - 05/14/06 11:27 AM
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chely24
Reged: 02/22/06
Posts: 313
Loc: ohio
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its so hard to get my mom to understand my ibs, if she wants to go out to a restaurant and i dont want to go cause im unsure of my trigger foods yet, she gets upset and she wont go at all, and she makes me feel like im keeping her from going with my twin, and i know she doesnt mean to make me feel that way but she keeps doing it. Or if we're invited over someones house, and i say no, she'll say 'take an immodium', its not that easy, she doesnt understand that it dont help half the time and the embarrassment of having to run to someone elses bathroom, or when the pain gets soo bad sometimes u feel like youre gonna pass out. shes even said well go and dont eat, but i asked her how she'd like going to someones house and having everyone else eat around her and she cant, it sucks.. i have to explain to her all the time that its a long process of figuring out trigger foods and pain management etc.. how else can i get her to understand without arguing with her anymore? 
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http://www.myspace.com/rachelle423
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I understand what you are going through. Sometimes people just don't understand how hard it is to deal with IBS. In that respect, its like asthama, people who don't have it just cannot comprehend what it is like to not be able to breathe "normally". I've found that people who do not understand or don't beleive IBS exsists only drag me down from my goal of stabilization. I do not associate with them anymore. Fortunately, my immediate family is mostly understanding, and I have a small group of friends who help me in dealing with IBS. Honestly, until you have figured out how your IBS works, being around people who are less than helpful is the last thing you need. Just my two cents.
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yeah that makes sense, its just hard cause shes my mom, and we're very close but i want her to try and understand better. i know shes just worried that i'll be missing out on things, but i need her to understand that its gonna take a while and the less stress i have, the better. so i just want her to stop making me feel so bad about not being able to do those things.
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http://www.myspace.com/rachelle423
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I know exactly how u feel and posted something a while back regarding getting my boyfriend to listen, sinead suggested this booklet it explains ibs to non-sufferers or you could invest in the hypnosis cd explaining ibs to non-sufferers...
its a long and hard process getting people to understand though and so frustrating.which is why this place is so good.good luck, let us no how it goes
hope it helps
jo xx
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http://www.myspace.com/jo_elsmere
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It's not easy to have someone else try and understand what you are going through. And b/c IBS is so different for each of us it's hard to have the perfect explanation. My grandma was the hardest to have understand. She thought that I should still eat everything, but just a little at a time. Have a forkful, it's not going to hurt you! But it did. And then I became food phobic and still am to some degree.
Remember when you were little and you would ask your mom to explain something and she did it in a way you would understand. You have to do the same with your mom. Mom, if I'm having a bad IBS day, I'm not comfortable going out b/c I don't wanna be imbarrassed if I have an attack in public. Or, I'm sorry, but I'm not able to eat what is set out when we're out at a friends, do you think they will mind me bringing along some IBS friendly snacks. I do it all the time. We're off to a barbecue, I pack a chicken breast, sealed in tin foil to avoid cross contamination and say that I would prefer they cook that instead of a burger. It is a long process - for me 12 years and counting and still people don't get it, but it's getting better.
Good luck!!
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Cassandra
Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like you've never loved before.
IBS A 20+ years, Chronic Migraines, Chiari Malformation (decompressed June 22, 2010), Brachial Neuritis, and ??? the list just keeps growing, but I'm still shiny side up! 
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I don't have a clue. I've found that most of my friends and family are sympathetic and are so grateful that it isn't them with the problem. However, most times if I'm going over to visit, I need to bring along something I can eat.
I have to say I was totally surprised today when I went to my brother-in-law's house for Mother's day and he made chicken for me when everyone else had burgers and hotdogs. I really was so surprised. My DH and I haven't been married quite a year yet.
My DH loves to cook though. I thank God for him. If it wasn't for him, I'd starve to death....and so would my kids. 
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Flipada - IBS-C "It's a gas, gas, gas"
**Lauren**
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Well...
#263351 - 05/14/06 03:19 PM
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hohoyumyum
Reged: 05/28/03
Posts: 2263
Loc: SacTown, CA
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I don't bother trying to get most people to understand but for the few people who are close to me and I need to understand I have found that being brutally honest is the best way to go. Being a D, I can use phrases like "explosive diarrhea," "life-long dysfunction," and "why can't I take a s**t like a normal person?" Trying to be polite just doesn't work for it. But, I would guess that you probably don't want to say things like that to your mom. So, I would suggest having her read "IBS: The First Year" if she hasn't and have her talk to GI docs and even have her come on here and talk to some of us. And definately be up front with her about stuff. If she makes you feel bad, tell her, and tell her why. And don't feel bad for having to bail out on or change plans because of IBS. What's most important is that you take care of you.
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If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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I sure wish i had some great advice to give you,but i don't. Just letting you know i can relate to what your going thru.For the longest time my Mother would say to me " Well, what did you eat?" if had a sudden urge to use the restroom in public, As if not eating certain foods would cure everything. It's so hard to explain to her that sometimes just plain old stress will trigger IBS.My father thinks its all in my head and that i worry too much. My Mother in Law......she is down-right nasty to me about it. I remember spending the weekend at her house, which is in another state from us and having a terrible IBS day.We were sitting outside on the picnic table and i was wincing in pain and holding my arm over my stomach and she said " what's wrong with you now?" my husband told her my IBS was acting up and she said " Oh your always having stomach cramps,what the hell is wrong with you?!".Then she walked away. Like THAT really helps a person feel better? 
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I have always been matter of fact about having my IBS and I don't apologize for having it nor do I expect people to work around me. When I go out to eat, I usually eat off of the appetizer menu or ordered something grilled.
That I have "C" may make a difference in that I am rarely in need of running to someones bathroom.
I also make light of my IBS...a friend of mine is a massage therapist and when I was hurting really bad one time, we were talking about it and she told me how to massage my stomach so as to make the air or poo pass. It was so funny...that night I was massaging my tummy and could feel "something" to this day I don't know if it was a knot or a poo and when I was asking her if she knew we laughed and laughed because it was such a ludicrous conversation!
When you go out...9 times out of 10 the kitchen will work with you, all you need to do is ask. The last thing you want to do is to become a slave to IBS.
Where I have managed to identify most of my triggers and do not have a stressful life, I think that having a good attitude and healthy respect for IBS but not allowing it to OWN me has been the catalyst to my becoming stable.
Easy for me to say as I suffered on and off with IBS for over 20 years. I have been stable for 6 months now and don't plan to have it any more. Stability has been a long time coming and I pray it comes for you!
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Have a blessed day! Rachel
Formerly poochibelly...
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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Can you tell us about the massage method?
I just really want you to know how much I respect I have for your attitude.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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massage
#263441 - 05/15/06 08:53 AM
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I always start at about "11 o'clock" on my tummy, press lightly and rub in a circular motion and go clockwise. You will be surprised at how you will feel a knot or a poo. I massaged nightly for a month or so and it helped quite a bit. No need to massage now but I am glad to know what to do if I get another attack!
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Have a blessed day! Rachel
Formerly poochibelly...
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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This is what I say
#263449 - 05/15/06 09:31 AM
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Nelly
Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC
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With relatives it's harder. Just because you're related, some people take that as an excuse to stop being polite. I'll just pointedly say something like, "Look, if I didn't have to eat, I'd never have another stomach problem in my life. But I have to eat, so I have to deal with the consequences! Some foods are just not worth getting sick over!"
To strangers/co-workers I say, "I have a stomach problem which requires me to take medication. But the medication has side effects. So it's easier for me to just watch what I eat."
It's important for me to get across that the medication is not a "fix." Never mind what I take, just because it's over the counter does not mean it's less effective or what I have is not real! If they ask me what I take I just say, "Seven different medicines." (more like 10, but no need to be dramatic!!)
If they pry, sometimes I'll just pick up my purse and give it a good shake so they can hear the rattle of pills! That will usually shut them up!! 
Good luck. Sometimes explaning is easier than other times. I've had the talk so many times, I just rattle through it now. 
~nelly~
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my friends especially understand my ibs problems, my parents do ususally, but sometimes they irritate me on not really getting it....i use to be able to eat what i wanted, so my parents are different about it i think, my friends have known me to be like this so they are use to it...
if friends go out to eat or my sisters in law go out...ususally they ask where i can eat, but i tell them to go where ever they want, i'll stop by safeway and grab a sandwhich, the sour dough is safe, then you get to choose your own stuff to go inside. i'll wait until their food is out when we are at a resteraunt, and the server ususally gives me a plate, and water, i just say real fast to the server, i'm sorry, i have so many digestive problems, i have to bring my own food and give them a little and they are nice about it.
thats what i do...it's easier than me saying i cna't eat here, or there...and i'll eat a few fries that someone orders, or some chips (i can stomach a few) and my friends/family get to eat where they were wanting, and i am d-free!!! besides, to me it's the company i keep, not so much the food...just have to come to term with..."damn it, i want that freaking cheese burger!! and i want that soda and ice cream!!' but the consquences outweight the urge!! i can always go to whole foods, or one of those places and get something kind of the same (though it's not exactly it...i've been dying for nachos for the longest time!)
i've brought my own food to people's houses too...i explain whats wrong with me, and appologize if it seems weird...but i'll flat out say it'll give me the chits....and it's not fun, it'll usually get a laugh and a "that sucks" or "yeah, i don't blame you!" or something of that nature...and if they still don't get it...then that's their bad for being ignorant!!
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Quote:
With relatives it's harder. Just because you're related, some people take that as an excuse to stop being polite.
So very true!
My family thinks I'm making it all up for attention and as a way of continuing anorexia without calling it anorexia.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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update..
#263811 - 05/16/06 08:45 PM
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chely24
Reged: 02/22/06
Posts: 313
Loc: ohio
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first of all, i want to thank everyone for responding to my post, it helped soo much! i had a long talk with my mom today and showed her stuff online about how ibs affects people and how shes going to have to understand my situation and she said shes just worried about me missing out. I told her i'd rather miss out then sit there in pain, etc.. so she understands now, hopefully no more arguments  thank you again everyone!
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http://www.myspace.com/rachelle423
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When I go to other peoples homes I always offer to bring SOMETHING and bring soemthing ot share that I can eat so even if I can't eat anything else that item is safe...
I know what restaurants are safe and prefer those, but I can find SOMETHING anywhere even if its a plain potato and chicken breast
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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[quote]Many certainly know "Fenel" (AKA "Anise") the veggie, not its seeds and some may know (Belgium) "Endive" (lettuce). I always experienced these as good for me. They certainly contain insoluble fiber. Do they also contain some soluble fiber? [/quote]
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So, what ever happened at your baby shower with the food? I remeber you having a bad time with the menu...
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Kiwi
IBS-C
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well...i made spinich dip, and my mom got alot of ibs-friendly foods, and she got me a cake, they'd pulled the cake out...and i was sorta hurt that my stepmom just was like well screw you, i'm getting whatever i want...but my mom came through, and got cake i could eat, she made a HUGE fruit mix too...which was great...so it ended up good!
thank you for asking!!!
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Kiwi
IBS-C
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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thank you!!!
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http://www.myspace.com/rachelle423
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