I CAN'T BELIEVE WHATS JUST HAPPENED...
#262512 - 05/09/06 11:25 AM
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Natalie1985
Reged: 08/09/04
Posts: 1329
Loc: UK - Leeds for uni, Merseyside for home!
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as if all this defering uni business hasnt been stressful enough...now my flatmate who is pregnant has just walked through the door blind drunk having downed a whole bottle of wine. Considering she has the worst morning sickness(not even morning....throughout the whole day) and hasnt drank in weeks and weeks....she has suddenly decided she needs to have fun....thats what she said....I AM SO MAD AND SCARED AND I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO...she has an abortion booked for a week today....and I just sed to her what the **** dya think ur doin its not funny ur pregnant for gods sake and she sed well its dead anyways or its gona be dead in a week....I just burst out crying Ive just had to come to my room...Id started to get angry and my other flatmate said just leave it let her sober up. Shes in the kitchen nearly chopping off her fingers trying to cut potatoes to make some food....she can hardly stand straight. Im so upset....I dont know what to do??? Why is she doing this???...I just told her stop trying to pretend things arent happening...and she said well its gona be dead soon and she wants to have fun. Shes gone crazy....Im so scared...I cant believe shes being like this...this is aweful...Im shaking like mad I cant even type properly...she needs to speak to someone professional...this boyfriend situation has messed her up so much...what am I meant to do? what she said has just upset me so much....how could she say that????
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 Natalie
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All I have to say is that she's obviously not heandling this well. Getting drunk while she's pregnant (abostion or not) is a DUMB thing to do.
Maybe she's really afraid of having the abortion and got to drunk to deal with it??? 
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shes just admitted that to my friend now...Im still in my room I cant see her like this Im crying my eyes out right now...I just cant watch her do this....its too much for me to cope with right now. My other flatmate just came in and said shes had a word with her shes dealing with her better than I can right now...Im staying away until she sobers up. We're gona have to take her to a counsellor tomorrow at uni she really needs to speak to someone. Please send me some hugs...I really need them right now.
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Natalie
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I'm sorry you are put in this situation Natalie. You are trying to be a good friend and I know you care about her but maybe its time you separate yourself from the situation a bit. You can't let her bad decisions and messed up life ruin yours. If she isn't going to take responsibility for her actions, you shouldn't either. I hope I don't sound too harsh. I know its tough when a friend is suffering but this girl isn't even trying to help herself. I won't even comment on the getting drunk or abortion. Big hugs to you though!!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I know I have to separate myself...its just hard to do when you live together and its so intense....we've all been through so much together over the past 3 years and we care about each other like sisters. It just upset me the way she came in....it was such a shock...and what she said...well I dont even want to talk about that....she knows she wrong she knows shes not done the right thing...shes just looking for a way out. Im glad Im not about to finish my uni work now otherwise I think I would have had a breakdown....Im calming myself down now....it was just so sudden and a shock to the system....I know my main priority at the minute is me.
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Natalie
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This young lady is having a very difficult time coping with the decisions she has made. I tend to be like you, I'd have a tough time dealing with it that closely. However, you are a gem to be concerned. If she is this upset now, next week might bring on some pretty desperate behaviour. Getting her to talk to someone might prevent other more harmful actions in the future.
Please know I'm sending love and prayers for all of you. This is really an awful thing to have to cope with on such a personal level.
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God is Faithful!
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I'm sorry you're caught in the middle of this. It is her problem and life though, one that she has to make the decisions about. It might help you to just mentally divorce yourself from the situation.
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UPDATE...
#262543 - 05/09/06 03:38 PM
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Natalie1985
Reged: 08/09/04
Posts: 1329
Loc: UK - Leeds for uni, Merseyside for home!
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Im really sorry if anyone was upset by what I posted about what my flatmate said when she was drunk about the pregnancy etc...when I read it back before I felt so ashamed that she'd said that I felt embarrassed cos its the most aweful thing you could say....especially when I know how desperately some people are trying to get pregnant and it just makes it seem all the more unfair when people liek my friend talk about their situation like its nothing, when so many others would give anything to be pregnant like her right now. It really really upset me...shes one of my best friends and to hear her say like that and behave like that was horrible for me to watch and I just couldnt take it. I couldn't help but break down. Shes apologised to me cos she knew I was upset...I said there was no need to and Im just worried about her state of mind etc...we're gona go to see the uni counsellor with her tomorrow. I have an appointment anyways about defering so we're all going to go. I think we all maybe need to talk to someone about the whole situtation and how its affecting us all too. We all need to come to terms with the abortion next week...she has no one here and so all 4 of us are going with her...she has asked us to come if we are able...and I couldnt not be there for her...Id have gone anyways. Its going to be a tough week so please keep us in your thoughts. Im waiting for my tutors to contact me tomorrow too about my uni situation so hopefully I can sort that all out properly too. Its one of my flatmates 21st 2moro too which is so horrible for her cos we cant even celebrate it properly. We're going to go the cinema and for a meal i think tomorrow cos no one is up for any heavy partying right now, not with all the stress....we'll make it up to her in the summer....poor things got to go see the counsellor on her 21st....talk about a birthday she'll never forget. 
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Natalie
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sometimes pot lucks are fun too... don't know if you have time to organize something like that before her bday though. everyone bring their favorite food (and you make sure you make something you can eat!) and no one has to spend too long cooking for everyone. there is bright side to everything!
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At least I've learned a lot about my
body...
IBS-A and still figuring things out
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You really need a break from all this don`t you? I feel so sorry for you huni....I don`t know what to say to make you happier but at least it will be over for this year soon and you`ve got rid of some of the stress by deferring. Just think you have an extra summer to be a student!!!! I LOVE THE SUMMER! Keep smiling huni and hope u have a lovely time celebrating ur friend`s 21st...just try to enjoy and forget even if its just for that night.
BIG HUGS, thinking of you and your flat mates
mwah
Jo x
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http://www.myspace.com/jo_elsmere
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Hugs Nat
#262600 - 05/10/06 03:57 AM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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only reading this now as had the girls over for dinner last night, hope you are OK, sorry that things are so tough at the moment.
HUGS
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S.
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Re: UPDATE...
#262684 - 05/10/06 11:07 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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Big Hugs sweetie, you truely are a good friend. Hopefully the counsler can help all of you girls deal with the situation.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Nat
#262777 - 05/11/06 03:41 AM
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pinkprincess
Reged: 08/17/05
Posts: 415
Loc: Manchester, u.k
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How did it go at the meeting huni? Thinking of you big huggles xxx
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http://www.myspace.com/jo_elsmere
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really good actually...in the end we didnt go in with her...and I was so worried at the start....Im the only one whos had any kind of counselling so the others were a bit freaked out about it especially my friend whos pregnant...she was shaking and looked terrified before going in...I practically had to drag her and if it wasnt for me it wouldnt have happened. But...she is going again next week...the counsellor was great with her...really put her at ease...and made her feel so much better about the whole thing. She said she's so grateful for me taking her there and so i felt loads better after that...Ive felt a bit like the pushy friend recently...wanting to get professional help and all that...the others havent been as much so as me....which is why I know if I'd have left it to anyone else she'd have never have gone. She is going to keep going after the abortion has happened, shes got appointments lined up...so atleast she will be able to deal with whats happened properly. I know its still going to be extremely hard...but I know shes getting proper help now and hopefully she'll be on the road to recovery and back to her fun loving self soon. This has been a huge wake up call to her I think in terms of everything in her life. Shes finding it very hard breaking up with her boyfriend and when we went for a meal for the birthday yesterday she did break down afterwards and didnt want my friend whos birthday it was see her like that. Its heartbreaking watching her deal with heartbreak like this....cos she is such a vunerable and insecure person as it is. I think gradually things are going to get better...she knows its all a matter of time....
Thanks for asking...hope things are all going well with you..... 
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Natalie
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A couple months ago a pregnant woman (30-34wks) was at a party at DH's work, and she ordered an alcoholic drink. DH got soo mad, people are not very smart when it comes to being pregnant and alcohol. I grew up with Fetal Alcohol effects, and it's NOT fun, why anyone would willingly drink, knowing the risks is beyond me. Not only am I against the drinking durring pregnancy, but my husband and I have lost 3 babies, and are currently unable to get pregnant. Thinking about someone having an abortion when they got pregnant on "accident" makes me sick to my stomach. There is never a right reason for killing another human being. Babies can feel pain at just 11 weeks, and they have videos of the babies convulsing and crying. Especially when they get far enough along.. imagine having only a thin layer of skin.. say maybe after a 2nd degree burn on your whole body.. now swim in a pool of salt water and have the only skin you have, burned off your body. That's what abortions do if you are past the 3mo mark.
If you think you're old enough for sex, then you're old enough for the responsibility of sex and what comes with it.
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Re:Dawnyel419
#262817 - 05/11/06 08:26 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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I actually agree with pretty much everything you said. However, this board is for support. Its not Natalie who is drinking while pregnant or having an abortion, its her flatmate. Natalie doesn't approve of her friends actions either but is doing her best to be there for her friend and help her in a rough time.
I have lost 5 babies, the last a set of identical twins at 12.5 weeks just this past December. My prognosis for ever having a child is bleak. I even went as far to offer to adopt Natalie's friends baby. As much as it pains me to know she is still going to have the abortion, we need to support Natalie. If something is just too offensive for you, the best thing to do is to not respond as all. Please understand that I'm only saying this because I know that Natalie is struggling enough with this. 
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I'm glad the counselor seems to be helping the situation. Hugs to you!!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Yup
#262821 - 05/11/06 08:34 AM
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I'm with Michele. I'm openly pro-life, always have been, and am as sad as you are about everthing you said. But, the policy on the boards is not to engage in political or philosophical debates -- they get ugly, fast. I can recommend a few sites where you can really get into the nitty-gritty of all this if you would like. Feminists for Life is exactly what it sounds like, and I like them very much. www.feministsforlife.org . Another site is Free Republic. It's extremely right-wing and has some totally uneducated hillbillies shooting their mouths off, but for the most part has intelligent discussion by thougtful people. There are a lot of pro-life threads there that you can engage in. www.freerepublic.com .
Otherwise, as Michele said, this board is just for support, and Natalie definitely needs it right now.
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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and hopefully avoided a nasty thread. That is what I thought as soon as I read the message. Oh Boy this isn't going to be good.
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Janey
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Yeah I agree: well said. It wasn`t Nat`s decision so don`t give her a hard time. She is a great girl and just trying to be the best friend she can to a girl who is having a hard time...don`t debate about the abortion just support Nat.
Michelle I think you handle posts like this briliantly, it can`t be easy for you huni but you always offer friendly and caring advice...your such a star.
Glad things went o.k Nat,you seem more positive now and I hope your smiling again. BIG HUGS
Jo x
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http://www.myspace.com/jo_elsmere
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that was so nice of you to support me....I did get a bit of a shock when I read that response....and you are right...it isnt anything to do with me this decision....as much as I all for the right to choose...I myself would never have an abortion and all the things which were mentioned I am well aware of and agree that it is a baby after all, no matter how many weeks...it is the most controversial subject I know and it is very hard for me right now to be supporting my friend when really I actually wish she would keep it...but ofcourse I cant say that...its her decision not mine.
Michele it never ceases to amaze me at how amazing you are at dealing with all of this....you are such a special person and so strong...I have all the admiration in the world for you...that was so nice of you to comment the way you did...I really do need this support right now. I wish more than anything that she'd give it up for adoption and you would be the first I'd want to be able to do that....unfortunately people dont consider adoption enough and as much as I've tried to tell her all the positive things about it she is adament she never would.
Everyone on this board has helped me so much with this whole situation...I could never have imagined going through all of this in the past month and I dont think I would have got through it even half as well without all of you behind me. Thanks so much for all your support....I love you all!!
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Natalie
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Thank you for the kind words but you don't have to thank me. I try to practice what I preach. You all know my stance as far as religion and things like that. I think if everyone was more kind and accepting, this world would be a much better place. You can never truly understand how someone else feels until you walk a mile in their shoes. It helps me to accept the lose of my babies if I think their passing has made me a more compassionate person and a better friend to everyone. I can only hope that your friend learns something from all of this as well.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Natalie,
You are such a good soul and really good friend. The way you care about other people is incredibly inspiring and your friend is so lucky you are there for her. I feel really special to be your friend and I know she does too. It's not fair that she is lashing out and being disrespectful to you and her bump right now. She's in an awful place of hurt right now and everyone's feeling the consequences of her helplessness and frustration.
She's def lost a little perspective and it doesn't help that she's making these comments and shattering people around her with them, people who otherwise are trying really hard to be a comfort to her. 
Stay strong Nat and count your blessings. This is so traumatic for everyone involved. I'm so glad you have your good friends on these boards to lean on! I don't know hard life in general would be if everybody didn't have each other to lean on...!
BIG LOVE to you, Nat! I don't know what to say, but you've shown you are indeed one strong little lady. --
~nelly~
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You are amazing, Michele. You support a friend who is in a painful situation for you to even think of, yet you are there for her. Love ya lots!
Nat - hang in there, honey! Focus on yourself, and treat yourself well. Now would be a good time for some new nailpolish or a massage, or a nice walk or bubble bath - SOMETHING! Don't forget to take care of yourself.
Hugs, A.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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thanks...and yea...I am thinking some kind of treat is in order very soon....once all the complications surrounding the next few weeks are well and truly sorted and over I think we are maybe planning a little weekend retreat to the countryside(wales)...my aunty has a caravan by some amazing beaches...and I will borrow mums car....I think the 4 of us are gona go and have a little mini break....much needed and much deserved me thinks
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Natalie
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