This is weird.... (friendship-related)
#262250 - 05/08/06 07:43 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
I posted a while back about losing touch with two friends from back home.
Last week I decided to send one of the girls a letter since I didn't have her email address. When I opened my emails this morning there was an email from her. But she hadn't received anything as she was just asking how I've been and wanted to make sure I was ok.
Ok weird!!!! But it was very nice to hear from her. 
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Sometimes letters between the US and Canada can take up to 2 weeks.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Yep, I know!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I meant to respond to your old thread and tell you I'm in a similar boat (tho not exactly the same). I had a very best friend Sarah from 9th grade through college. We had our ups and downs but overall we were extremely close. She even lived with my family for 6 months when we were 16/17, we travelled to Europe together twice, etc. We had a huge falling out right before I started law school. I won't get into it but basically she always had this guardian angel complex about me, always thought she had to protect me, even though I have 2 brothers and 8 cousins who already do that enough to drive me nuts. Anyway she said a few things that I know were out of concern but that really crossed the line. I always felt like she didn't see me as a peer or as someone capable of making her own decisions. Well, we had a huge blowup and never reconciled. We both made a couple half-assed efforts to get in touch with the other, but each time the person on the receiving end rebuffed. I'm as guilty of that as she was. So, now 3 years later I'm about to finish law school and have had no contact with her. Last week when I was home at my parents' house my mom showed me her WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT in the paper. Turns out she was married in October to a guy she'd just started dating when she and I fell apart. At first I was just happy for her, but then it started eating away at me. I was so sad that I'd missed out on the "I'm engaged" phone call, that I didn't get to throw her bachelorette party, that I missed her bridal shower, and that her older sister with whom she did not get along was her maid of honor. I should have been there. I am so sad over all of it. I looked up her husband in the town where the paper said they were living and last week I sent a card. All it said was that I saw the annoucnement, that she looked beautiful, and that I hoped she was happy. I mentioned that seeing that in the paper made me realize how many good things we'd missed out on in each other's lives. I said I hoped she and her husband were very happy and that I wished them the best. I've had a stomach ache since I dropped it in the mailbox on Tuesday. We'll see if she writes back. My return address was on the envelope but I didn't ask her to write back or anything. So, I hope you are glad that you and your friend had simultaneous impulses to get back in touch. Losing a friend hurts a lot!
--------------------
Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Tina,
I am glad that she sent you an e-mail. She will have a nice surprise when she receives your letter. Did you mention how you feel about her not writing you in your letter?
My 16 year old daughter was talking about some drama with friends the other day and I told her that when she reaches my age she will be able to count her really good friends on one hand. I have found that to be true the older I get. Lots of acquantances but not many good friends.
--------------------
Janey
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
No, I didn't mention it at all that I was hurt as not hearing from her for months. I will though. I just didn't want it to be the first thing she read.
It's so true what you told your daughter. Good friends are very hard to find!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
That's sad about your friend Amanda. I really hope that she responds to your card. How could she not? You went out of your way to wish her well. I think there's a good chance that she's missed you too and will be delighted to hear from you again. Please let me know what happens.
Losing a friend does hurt. I lost 2 of them for good when the ex and I broke up. That's why I didn't want to lose this one, making it three in all. She hasn't written back to my email yet. She better respond with more than two sentences!!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Update
#262608 - 05/10/06 05:24 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ok, I have to admit it, I'm annoyed. I sent her a big reply email with pics and everything and I STILL haven't heard back from her. What's up with that????? 
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Sometimes I am more likely to reply to a short email than a long one, so she might be just putting off replying for that reason (which reminds me a friend emailed me about two weeks ago and I haven't replied yet  ) Let us know what happens.
It is very hard to break up with a friend. I did so last year with the girl who fired me as her Bridesmaid. We didn't have a big fight, I just stopped contacting her. I did invite her to my wedding as (1)all the other girls who were her best friends were invited (2) I didn't want to regret not having asked her when I saw everyone else there on the day (3) I wanted to be a bigger person (4) It just felt right, but I haven't phoned her or met her alone in about a year and have only met her when others have organised it.
I haven't acknowledged her birthday and wasn't invited to her hen night or her birthday party. We did not have an argument- when she fired me I got very upset and didn't fight. Then I got engaged about a week later (P had it planned for months) and then we got a cancellation and set our date for the weekend before hers, she was furious but never said a word to me about it, I only know through mutual friends. The last time she phoned me was on my engagement trip to find out what date I had got. We met at friend's weddings, parties etc and have gotten on really well, but the breakdown in our relationship really is the elephant in the room.
I feel sad that we are not close anymore, but given the reasons she gave me for "firing" me, a harsh criticism of my character and an inherent lack of understanding or compassion for some of my personal issues (the reasons she gave me for firing me were my IBS and my Dad's alcoholism) and some of the comments she made that night I realised that our friendship was obviously not what I thought it was.
Panda- your story is sad too. I suppose sometimes we just move on. It's sort of the reason that I invited the girl I had an issue with to my wedding, we had been friends for 10 years and it felt right that she would be there.
(SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG)
--------------------
S.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Re: Update
#262656 - 05/10/06 09:22 AM
|
|
|
|
|
jen1013
Reged: 05/06/05
Posts: 1322
Loc: the wabe
|
|
|
Give her time. It's hard to keep up on correspondence, especially when it's something longer. A five-minute reply is easy to do, but if you think you need to sit down and write a letter, it requires more time and psychic energy, and it's very easy to keep putting it off. And maybe she doesn't have a lot of time, either. Two days is definitely not long enough to become annoyed. At least I hope not, since it usually takes me WAY longer to reply to most people. 
--------------------
jen
"It's one of the most serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle -- to get one's head cut off." -- LC
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
All due respect, but this gal has had 4 months to write to Tina and she has only done so once. This is not what I call a good friend. Fact of the matter is, if you want to keep in touch with someone then you make an effort. Tina made an effort and has had no reciprocation at all. Just wrong in my opinion.
--------------------
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
You're right that 2 days is nothing. But after a couple of months of not corresponding you'd think she would be happy to get an update and MAKE a few mins to reply. Not impressed.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
If she emails me today or tomorrow I won't be too mad. But if she takes longer than that I will be mad. I have a few out of town friends that I hear from on an irregular schedule, that's not the problem. It's that SHE wrote to me and her email said that she wanted to make sure I was ok in the Big Apple. I wrote back and am annoyed that she's taking her time to respond. Busy or not!
Sorry about your "friend". I guess you're right and it might just be time to move on. If I don't hear from her until next week, I doubt I'll make the effort to even write back to her. No joke. I guess I'm a tough a@@ when it comes to these things. Like Tommy said, I've been here for 4 months. Enough is enough.
Ok vent over with!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
She sent me a lovely card, said it was a nice surprise to hear from me. She said she'd had a small wedding and that it was happy day, etc. She asked me about school and about living in NYC. She said she always smiles when she thinks about our fun times. That was it. I guess the fact that she asked questions means she wants to hear back from me. Somehow I'm still hesitant. Today is her birthday. Her new phone number is listed (I've long since lost her cell number) and I suppose I could call but that kind of makes me feel like I'm gonna puke. I could call during the day when she's at work to leave a message, but her husband is a realtor and I know they can have irregular hours so I'd be afraid he'd answer. I guess that means I'm not ready to call her yet. Ugh. This just makes me so sad. I can't beleive she and I ever got to this point. I am glad she wrote back, though.
--------------------
Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
WOW, that's great! I think that she wants to hear from you. Dod she list an email address? If you're comfortable writing a letter back, do that.
Take baby steps if you need to. But this is GOOD NEWS. 
I'm STILL waiting to hear back from her..... 
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Thanks Tina. Nope, no email address or phone number, tho I didn't offer mine either. I think I'll wait a little while and write her back again.
I'm at R's again today trying to finish up this stupid paper that is due at 5 today by email. I was all set to work on it the other night until I saw a mouse in my kitchen. I slept at a friend's that night and at R's last night. A mouse is so not what I needed right now. Exterminator is coming Monday. I don't know what the heck this mouse even wants from me. I learned my lesson in my old apartment and I don't have any food out, ever. There is seriously nothing good to eat in my kitchen -- everything is in the freezer or else stored on top of the frdige, and I'm pretty sure they can't get up there. Ugh unless they climb up all that wiring behind the fridge. Eeew. I am not a fan!
--------------------
Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Ya waiting to write back is a good idea.
A mouse! Well, it is New York. I would be afraid too. I haven't seen any mice here in our place But yes, we also put all food away.
I'm sure the exterminator will do a throurough job! Too bad dthey can't come today though.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I wouldn't call her.. especially if she didn't offer you her phone number. She might think you were stalking her online finding out her info haha jk.
Seriously though.. if she didn't offer i'd just take the route of writing back to her rather than calling until you or her make the move to offer a number.
--------------------
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I agree to take it slow so she doesn't feel like you're coming on too strong.
Like my situation, if I don't hear back from her by email, that's IT. No more effort on my part. Chasing people down is a waste of time!!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Amanda
It's great that she wrote back. You are both bound to be cautious though. Don't contact her just yet. Let it sit a while, then maybe write back giving her your email/phone number, then the ball is in her court to contact you again to exchange her number etc.
Slowly does it..but it's all positive.
--------------------
S.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Still NO REPLY!
Am I the only one that finds this insulting? Maybe since it's Saturday she'll make some time to send an email. Either way, she's on my you-know-what list.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
...it hurts to feel forgotten and let down by people we thought cared about us more than they are demonstrating!
*hugs*
--------------------
~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Yes it does Bethie!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Posts
