WARNING to parents...-please reply, I need encouragement badly.
#257135 - 04/08/06 01:18 PM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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I have had one hell of a weekend so far!! Please take heed from what has happened to my family.
I got a call at school on my cell yesterday that I had to get home NOW because my mother in law was accused, by the police and chid services, of neglecting Kayleigh yesterday. She had her in a turned-off, locked car 10 feet away for 8 minutes-and was watching her the entire time....well some nosey Nelly thought my child was ABANDONED and called the cops, who called children's services and they all bawled my poor, incredible, innocent MIL out. We have not cried that many tears since my wedding day.
My mother in law watches my daughter when I'm working and DH is working, and she's far more loving and careful than any daycare, let alone ME! So we all rallied around her, and thankfully, everything turned out fine.
But Trevor piped up to the cops and told them he'd left Kay in the car many times for a few minutes, so they had to report THAT to children's services.....garbage. So we're waiting for a call about that. Yes, we're a bunch of negligent (for 5 minutes) abusive(never been spanked) caregivers. We don't drink around kayleigh, are all non-smokers, never ever do drugs, I take her to church, I'm a special education teacher for God's sake....it's so ABSURD that anyone would even think this crap of our family...
If she'd been left there for a long time, or if the car was running, or if it was hot, or cold, or she had an animal in there with her, etc...etc, it may have been dangerous. but how on earth am I to ever do anything with her in the car now, knowing that some "well meaning person" would TIME ME and report that I'd left her IN SIGHT for 8 minutes.?
Wah!
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Keep on keepin' on...
Edited by Shannon :) (04/08/06 02:00 PM)
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oh you poor thing! that is absolutely ridiculous!  You are a fabulous parent, and I'm sure your mother in law is just as great.
People are so uptight nowadays! my parents used to leave us in the car when they ran into the supermarket without even being watched. They just said lock the doors, i'll be back in a few minutes. Nothing every happened and they were fabulous parents. It saved them having to go in with us begging for everything in sight. Times have definitly changed, and I'm not sure that its a good thing. Leaving a kid in a car for a few minutes is not a sign of an abusive parent. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Are they reporting both you guys and your mother in law to social services?
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I always took you in with me.(what a lie. She'd leave us for 2 hours alone in the house at night when i was nine)
Oh my God, Relax! You're fine, she yelled.(don't tell me I'm overreacting to this, it could have meant my mother in law in prison , or mu hubby for that matter. Thanks for the support.)
Anyhow, yes it's been reported to Childrens services for both the action and the comment. Childrens services is to contacct us and bawl us out for our habitual supposed neglect.
Sigh, I am still shaking 24 hours later.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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My friend and her husband had gotten out of the car to go into a store. Their son had been a whining brat (believe me .. the kid was awful) for thirty miles. When his father got him out of the car he tried to get away. His father held his hand and swatted him on the rear. Mind you ... he was wearing a diaper and a snow suit, but some busy body reported them. Being that I used to baby sit him during the day, I had to answer questions about them to DSS. Basically I said it was about time he got some discipline. (The kid ruled his parents) His nursery school teacher told the guy the same thing.
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Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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CPS (at least in California) is the most unhelpful bunch of people in existencce, in my opinion. I have known of cases where they should have been there because there was real abuse and neglect and they've brushed it off as nothing. But then they give a hard time to people who haven't acutally done anything wrong. When I was maybe 6 or so, my mother and I left my brother (then 13ish) alone with my sister for the day while we went to check on things at home. My dad was working out of state so we were living with him but drove home every now and again to see how things were. The drive both ways and the check on the house could be done in a matter of hours. When we got back my sister and brother were gone because someone called CPS saying that my mom abandoned them and they came and took my brother and sister. Fortunately, my mom got them back pretty quickly. My brother had been feeding and bathing and dressing and changing diapers for us from when I was just months old. He was 7 when he started taking care of us. Not that my mom wasn't there, he just wanted to. He said that we were his babies and so he would take care of us on weekend mornings and my mom would get to catch up on sleep. Of course, the woman who called CPS didn't know that even at 13, he was perfectly capable of taking care of us. But everything came out okay. And it will for you, too. It'll probably be a pain in the patoot but they'll see that you're all good parents.
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***********************
If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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That would be my mom's too! Mind you what she would do when we were little was go over to the neighbors house which was sometimes a row away(we lived in townhomes)call our phone number, my dad would pick up the phone, leave it near our rooms so they could periodically listen to us if we got up in the middle of the night! Can you imagine. It was I guess in place of what we use baby monitors now for. We must have been like 5years old and my sister was 3!
If my MIL watched our kids I think my mom might have been jealous and maybe that's why your mom's reaction was that way. Is she jealous that she's not watching her?
I don't know if you remember or not that parent in some state that was video taped by some kind of survailence device beating and punching the crap out of her child while he/she was in a car seat in a parking lot of some store? Now that's abuse in my book and THAT needs to be reported.
I'll never forget the time I smacked my youngest on the behind cause he was acting up so bad in a Home Depot and after I did it I thought OMG if this is on tape, someone is gonna report me. I was a wreck thinking about it. People are so unreal sometimes. I believe in a spanking and if I want to spank my child in public for misbehaving then I should be able to without reprocussions!
I can say though that I honestly did not start leaving my kids in the car alone while I paid for gas or whatever until recently. They are 11 and 8 now. My husband was real funny about it so we NEVER left them in the car alone. I then never attempted it for fear that God forbid they were ever taken, I'd never hear the end of it from him 
Can I ask though why she didn't just take her in?
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~~~Lisa~~~
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First of all, my mom is jealous of my mother in law for every reason you can imagine. She's married, she's happy, she gives kayleigh attention several times a week, she's not working, she's this and that, she and I have a far better relationship. She probably was mad that it happened to MIL and not to her because it takes attention away form my mother, that's my mom. She's disgustingly self absorbed. She thinks I'm a drama queen, and I know I can be dramatic, but always at the right times. My mom is just a stone. She has no emotion about anything that isn't directly related to proving how "great" she is. She doesn't get revved up about anything I say, unless it has to do with making HER look good/bad/special. 
Anyhow, I won't go there, because I've been through therapy to get to the point I'm at of saying OH WELL, THAT'S HER AND I AM NOT CHAINED TO HER-she can't control me.
Second question-MIL left Kayleigh in the car because she thought she'd be far less than 8 minutes, and she has a low car, is incredibly clumsy at getting the carseat snapped in+out, and she has a bad back and puts it out on a weekly basis....so thought it'd be faster. She double checked with Kayleigh that kayleigh would be emotionally OK, and locked the doors to keep her safely inside. At a bank where there'd be security everywhere. It was the first time she had EVER done that, and I promise you the last time she or I ever will.:(
I admit, I do occasionally feel like I have to leave Kay in the car- when I'm getting groceries into the house and she's fast asleep, or when I have to haul something in and she's fast asleep, or if I need to get Tums at the store and nobody's there in line and she's fast asleep...etc...
I try to use very good judgment, but sometimes I have GOT TO do this, because Trevor works nights and weekends and we have to usually parent alone! We are barely capable of doing anything as a family most days.That's another very big reason we only have ONE child right now-it's just plain safer! I don't know how single parents without sitters survive!!
As far as getting gas goes, I either gas up when she's not with me or I use debit on the pump. But hey, I have to take the garbage to the curb when we're together alone, and I have to warm up the car in the mornings when it's frigid cold before taking her to MIL's sometimes...and jeepers, I have IBS and she can't sit in the bathroom with me....you know? We could split hairs till there's nothing left, but the thing is you just cannot watch them 100% of the time, unless youre a millionaire with 2 nannies or something. I do my best as a parent.
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Keep on keepin' on...
Edited by Shannon :) (04/08/06 11:17 PM)
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DH has Kayleigh alone,
MIL has Kayleigh alone.
If there's 2 of us, or if we'd not be able to see her, of COURSE we'd take her with us!!
But if we go in for a sec, the car is locked, she can't get at the wheel, the windows are up, she's in her car seat, and we can see her the whole time, we know if she's in danger!
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Keep on keepin' on...
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It is one of my worst fears that someone will misunderstand something I do as a parent and report us to SS, especially with so much true abuse out there... but to be honest, I have to also say that knowing all this, I have decided to never leave the kids alone in a parking lot. It is terribly inconvenient but think of the alternatives? A situation like you are in now, or worse. I am always alone with them too and it is not easy, was even LESS easy when they were smaller, so I do understand! I'm not saying I've never done it, I'm saying I've had to make a decision NOT to do it.
I'm sooooooooooooo thankful for pay at the pump gas stations, drive thru pharmacies, and in emergencies when they are sick or something, even order-online-pick-up-at-the-curb groceries!! 
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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and will never leave her alone again.
The thing that floors me is I bring her to the bank and pwople look at me like I'm a freak because she's acting like a kid and talking at the bank. Ohh noo, the child is interrupting my silence. Never weould I feel that way about a child!
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Keep on keepin' on...
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As far as my kids go,
"Those who matter, don't mind... and those who mind, DON'T MATTER!!!"
Hugs to you and MIL and dh and I hope the whole thing blows over, so scary and upsetting, I can only imagine!!
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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Shannon,
After reading so many of your posts, I feel like I've "gotten to know you" and I wanted to give you some encouragement. I'm sure you are a great mommy. The 100% issue is an interesting one. I am alone with my two year old 12 or 13 hours each day and as I'm sure you know it can be tricky to take care of one's own needs. It is something that no one ever talks about. How do you take a shower, get ready for an appointment, have an attack, etc...... Taking care of young children is hard and can be emotionally very draining. As mothers we do our best to keep kids as safe as possible while we take care of an occasional personal need. It is difficult and all mothers (who don't have nannies) can sympathize. All those who don't have kids and think they could handle it all with ease are in for a shock if/when they do have kids.
Take care Shannon.
Laura
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I hope you didn't think I was questioning your parenting I believe you are a wonderful mother and would never jeapordize your child's safety! I was just simply asking why your MIL left her and what the reason was since you simply didn't state it in your original post. I think I and maybe some other's needed to better understand the situation and now we certainly do. You just never know what's gonna happen ya know. Heck even though my kids are older and I now leave them in the car for a few minutes, they too could get snatched up! There is no age limit to "crazy" people out there. And I totally agree with you that when you are "single parenting" because hubby is working or whatever, life is tougher and sometimes we do some things to make our lives a bit easier. Maybe it's not the right thing but it's what works at the time. I've done the bring the groceries in while baby is sleeping thing numerous times. Or I've even left them in there so that they could nap longer on nice days. Nothing wrong with that at all!!
As far as your mother goes, I don't have quite that relationship that you have but with your mom but I can tell you that my very favorite Aunt who is not too much older than me watched both of my children while I worked. One till he was 5 and the other until he was 3 and my mother was VERY jealous of her I think. But my mom worked part time and chose to continue to do that and never offered to take care of my children so that's the way it was. I can also say that my mom is not your typical grandmom either. Never does she offer to take the kids overnight. I always have to ask and I don't ask often. It has to be under her terms. She likes to babysit only on Friday nights because it messes up her Sunday morning schedule with church and all. What kills me most is that when we were little, she and my dad would drop my sister and I off FOR THE WEEKEND at MY grandmother's house. THE WEEKEND! My grandmom was much older than my mom is now too. My mom is actually a younger grandmom. Anyway, my point is, I understand where you are coming from with the mom and issues thing.
Big HUGS to ya Shannon. You and your family will get through this. It's certainly just one more curve balls that life throws us out of many that will happen in our time of parenting!!!
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~~~Lisa~~~
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I post on a teaching board and I got ripped to shreds by about 9 people over this, so I was sensitive yesterday.
My mom actually bragged to my sister that she's a better grandparent after that. She only babysits on her terms, and only after I beg. I try to avoid asking her now. She never offers to take kayleigh, only sees her once every couple months even though she's 1/2 hour away, etc. She is a good grandma but seriously? Better than MIL? Not a chance in hell. And she's nowhere as good a mother as MIL is to me. I'm so thankful for her.
I had gotten to a point where I had no more anger at my mother. now, I'm p'd off all over agian. I don't want to see her next weekend. It might get ugly.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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Thank you sweetie. I am stealing a hug.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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Wow, did that ever make me feel better.
I also think parents who get the luxury of their DH around every night, or get to share bedtime duties, etc...have NO CLUE how tough it can be parenting alone. not that I'm a single mom, I'm happily married, and I hope some day DH and I can BOTH work days!! But this is our reality and we do with it as BEST we can! 
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You know....
#257290 - 04/09/06 07:30 PM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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I don't have any good advice or anything, but holy crap, society is SO freaking out of control! Everyone is so quick to think the worst of EVERY situation, without even stopping to think that they themselves were probably left in a car for 10 minutes or so here and there as kids... and obviously SURVIVED, you know?
It's utterly ridiculous. I'm sorry that you and your family are going through this.
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I ahve received sooooo much flak for this in my family and on other boards. It wasn't even ME but it could have been. Society is so paranoid! There are a million circumstances that could have led to danger, and she had not one of those happen.
But we're alive and well and so on. I am traumatized and now afraid of police for the first time in my life, but I'm sure some day I'll get over this. It sure blew my weekend.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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People need to seriously get a grip! I don't think anyone should have to apologize for leaving a kid sleeping in the car while bringing in the groceries. Also, the only reason I would not want to leave my kid (if I had one) in the car for a couple of minutes is because of the way society perceives it. I personally do not think it is a big deal at all! I'm so sorry you're going through this, Shannon.
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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Child Social Services should try baking the pillsbury dough boy, and then try stuffing him back in his tube. Then tell them that's what it's like trying to get a kid in a snowsuit back into a carseat. Sometimes, it's a pain getting them in an out all the time!!!!!! As long as they were in plain view!??@?# What harm is that?
I've been tempted many a time to leave my kids in the van for less than a minute, or whatever. Thanks for the warning!!!!!
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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This sounds like how I wound up with Cassi- her mom gave her to a woman who was a mutual friend but only had 2 bedrooms. Her mother called social services over having 4 kids in a 2 bedroom (and Cassi was the only girl) and rather then risk losing her kids I got involved and wound up with legal custody of Cassi to get her in school since I wouldn't take her if she wasn't going to be going to school (she was 13!)..
Anyway- hopefully this will all work out- there are a lot of minor crazy complaints out there.. and if your local dept is good they also know which to overlook... sadly its a fact of life that there are busybodies out there and in some areas currupt systems.. i testified in a custody hearing against a man who neglected and physically abused his kids and somehow he still (despite 3 doctors and many individual witnesses) wound up with unsupervised court ordered visitation!
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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Oh boy, I'm so sorry. I honestly don't think you or your mil did anything wrong!! I haven't been blessed with a child yet but I have no illusions to the difficulties of every day things! Lots of love and hugs!!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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My husband is a police officer and though there are plenty of yahoo-cops out there, there are just as many who understand that "things happen", are not judgemental and so forth. Not all of them bite...just a few. Here in Houston, a child may not be left in a car alone supervised or not for more than 5 minutes.
There have been many scary things happen such as cars being stolen while kids were in them...in this case the mom was filling a water jug at a drive-up, 2 or 3 children die every summer in Houston because they were left in cars...I have many more stories like those. So I don't think you can be too careful.
However...what is done is done, there is no condemnation...put the past behind you and press on. You are a woman of faith so pray that all will go well, put your trust in Him.
Hugs,
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Have a blessed day!...Rachel
stable and sooooooo thankful!
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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it's dropped, and it's not illegal here, we just got a warning. I will never leave her unattended again, even tho it wasn't me, but scary beyond belief.
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and that I'm a special ed teacher, and that I get paid to take care of kids, especially ones at-risk...would this have ever happened? They don't know me and I had no contact with them, but I would never choose an unworthy caregiver. as it is, I've NEVER hired a babysitter, and my DD is 3 1/2!!
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I'm sorry you had to deal with all this, Shannon. Too bad we can't all be character witnesses for you. We'd tell them how wonderful, compassionate, and caring you are!
There are so many children out there getting beaten up or molested or killed by the hands of abusers. These kids need help...but so often don't receive it in time.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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I need character witnesses for my DH and MIL!! LOL!!
No, I know nothing will come of it, charges weren't even laid, and it's not in their files.
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glad its been dropped!
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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