I'm panicking again- please send good thoughts my way
#251856 - 03/12/06 07:03 PM
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hawkeye
Reged: 06/16/03
Posts: 705
Loc: NYC
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I'm sorry to only post when I'm miserable but I've been really busy lately. I read a lot of posts but havne't said much myself. But, here I am miserable. My wife had a stomach thing this week - either a bug or food poisoning, and I've been in a state of panic all week, waiting for the other shoe to drop - or to see if it did. For those who haven't read my other posts - i've become terribly emetophobic in the last few years.
SO tonight has all the makings of a perfect panic attack night for me - recent possible virus exposure, total exhaustion, crazy stress recently - problems with our landlord and possible eviction, planning to change jobs in some way next year and tell my boss about it this week, and its Sunday night about to go back to work for a week! So while I may have a bug, I keep trying to tell myself that there are a lot of factors here that could have led to ibs and panic attack instead of a virus.
I have waves of panic wash over me about it (as the cramping gets worse, I've had cramps on and off all day today)- its so irrational, not only that, but if I didn't freak out and fight it so much it wouldn't be as miserable of an experience. But as it is, it brings up some bad childhood memories and who knows what else, but its not something I'm able to face with any semblence of grace. In fact I want to run out of my own skin...
Well, please send a hug my way and hope for the best. I've taken hyosciamine or whatever, and maybe it will help soon.
Dan
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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I need a little psycho-cleansing as my friend calls venting. I'm in the midst of panicking, ibs attacking, and thinking about why it makes me panic so much. Its better than writing in my journal about how scared and panicked i am, the more I voice it , the worse it gets.
Was anyone else hospitalized as a child with gut problems? I was for 2 weeks as a preteen, and I think its a main source of my panic attacks even today. I associate that feeling of nausea with being out of control and unsafe. I was out of school for 2 months at the time and it turned out I had an ulcer. It was not a nice time, I had a sigmoidoscopy, and a barrium enema the 1st was painful as anything and the 2nd was horrible in its own way especially at age 11. A month or 2 later I had an endoscopy which sucked but wasn't as bad.
After that my ibs, which was already present, was much worse. I never really thought about it until this moment, believe it or not, but I was aware that I had a problem with my stomach ever since that hospital stay when I was 11. Before that I don't think my symptoms were different, I just didn't know that I was different than everyone else. Since then I've been in the er 3 times after stomach bugs hit me, and it terrifies me to get that out of control of my stomach.
Right now, even though I took the hyosciamine and I feel a little less cramped, I can't let myself get optimistic. ITs as if thinking I might be getting better will let my guard down and I'll have to throw up. I know that makes no sense. So I'll wait here until I feel much better or until I just conk out. I spoke to my sister and promised her I'd take a xanax, but I haven't - why not? I dont know! I think its about control. Also I know that if my stomach feels better I won't panic anymore. okay thanks for reading...
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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I'm sending good thoughts your way, Dan. Sometimes I feel that my panic attacks get worse if I try to take control, so I have to accept that the panic attack is happening and that I can't make myself stop it. However, if you decide to take a Xanax don't feel like you're not in control. I have lorazepam for really bad attacks and when I take it I think of it as pressing a reset button in my brain - it calms me down and in a similar manner calms down my IBS attack/symptoms. I think this sounds like one of those times you should take a Xanax.
I don't know if this is what you want to hear, or if you just want some hugs, so I'm sorry if I've said too much. Take care! 
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No apologies necessary. Thanks, I may take it. I'm really hesitant somehow still. Dan
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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Good luck man, sending lots of good thoughts to ya.
EvilCats
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