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I just want to say I think that is totaly unacceptable behavior. (I would say more but I can't bring myself to say what I really think...esp. in a public forum!!!)  You both deserve WAY bettee than this! *hugs*
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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My BF is the same with massages. He doesn't touch me. I ask him to rub my shouders and he looks at me like I'm covered with bugs.
~nelly~
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I rarely get angry but MAN what is wrong with this picture?!?!?! Nelly! This isn't right? Please tell me I just mis-read what you posted. PLEASE??
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Alicia
#249530 - 03/01/06 02:19 PM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Does hubby ever ask YOU for a neck massage or expect compassion for him at any time? Do YOU do helpful things for HIM? He needs to know that it's not all one-sided. How would he feel if the shoe were on the other foot and it was HE who was empathetic while YOU "never think of it"? Have you ever discussed this with him? Does he realize how important it is to you? Maybe he just doesn't know. Remember he's a male; they ain't got a clue -- unless we give it to 'em.
(Sorry guys.)
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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I give give give give give and he takes takes takes takes takes. That's the way it is. He knows how important it is to me and how baffling it is to me when another human being has an opportunity to help another that they wouldn't be thrilled to do it. That's the way I am - but not him.
That doesn't mean he's not loving and sympathetic and understanding - because he's all those. He just can't put another person's shoe on. He's extremely loving and patient with me - although he simply cannot understand what I'm going through. Strange, eh? He's one of the gentlest, soft spoken, loving people I've ever known, yet he has no empathy. Strange. If you have an answer, I'd love to know it.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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My husband is loving, adoring, gentle, soft spoken, patient, family centred, understanding, yet he has NO empathy whatsoever. He is almost RUTHLESS. He simply can't put on another person's shoe. I can give and give and he'll take and take and it will never occur to him that it would be nice for him to do something nice for me. Strange, eh?
I just don't get it. To me, the greatest gift is being able to help another human being. That's why I love being a moderator on these boards - it's my soul's work. It's fulfilling and makes me feel whole and helpful.
He's extremely technical and analytical - a born problem solver. It's his job to assess a situation and give practical solutions to a problem. But when it comes to him DOING solutions, DUH!!!!!!
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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That's terrible! The night I had my test for Crohn's Tommy gave me a really nice massage without me even suggesting it.
I think some guys just don't get it though.  You all deserve all the massagess in the world!!!!!
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Nelly -- you better tell your BF that you're quite the catch and just *might* decide one day to get someone who can empathize and be there for you. NO JOKE.
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