Please Help...Weddings Open Bar, Closed Bar, Dry???
#247284 - 02/19/06 05:16 PM
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Vicam
Reged: 02/24/04
Posts: 1955
Loc: Ontario, Canada
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I am so sorry for continuing to talk about this...but I am having the hardest time with this. I cannot afford a completely open bar based on the number of people I want and the location I want. Plus, we have some alcoholics in the family who may be attempting to drive afterwards and I don't want to encourage them to drink too much.
So, I thought about the Cash Bar. My Dad says that is way too tacky. I would be serving wine at dinner, champagne for toasting and unlimited punch and soft drinks...just any other alcohol (beer, liquor) would have to be paid for.
Since neither of those options seem to be working, we were considering a dry wedding. Anyone had one/been to one? Neither Scott nor I drink so it kinda makes sense...and it would save money and keep people safe. I think we would just splurge on some nice champagne for toasting, and then have a good selection of non-alcoholic drinks for people to have for free.
Seriously any advice...I don't care what side of the fence you sit on, I just really want to know what people think because I feel so lost.
Thanks,
Kelly
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I've been to loads of weddings which had wine with dinner only. Perfectly fine, especially if there's alcoholics about!
~nelly~
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Thank you Nelly...you're my hero! I think it's being totally reasonable...problem is the alcoholics are on the groom's side and it's my Dad paying so that doesn't really seem to matter to him  But I'll keep working on it!
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but, remember this is YOUR wedding, Kelly, and you and Scott should do what you want!
I have alcoholics in my family, so whenever I get married, I plan on having a dry wedding. I think it's perfectly reasonable to have wine with dinner and champagne for toasting.
And don't worry about asking questions....it's great insight for me for whenever I end up having to do this!
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Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent
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I think this is your best bet and a wise way to go. Actually I think so even if there were NO alcoholics (known). Because it's your wedding and you don't want it turning into some wild drunken party (I've seen receoptions end up just that way). They can do that on "their time", ya know?  This day/evening is about YOU!!!!
Enjoy the planning!
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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People do it like that all the time. A little vino with dinner and maybe a champagne toast, with apple cider for the drivers and kids! No fuss, no muss, and way easier on your pocketbook!
Let us know where we can send the gift-wrapped imodium!! 
~nelly~
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Ugh, I remember this issue from planning my wedding. Mich and I thought "cash bar" because we have friends who can really put it away sometimes and we didn't want them to be out on the roads. That, and neither of us drink much anyway.
My Dad didn't like this idea. (He used to plan events as part of his job, I think, and cash bar just didn't wash for what he's accustomed to.) Anyway, our happy medium was open bar for the first 2 hours of the reception and then it went to cash bar for alcohol. Pop was free for everyone for the duration of the reception.
We didn't hear complaints from anyone, and we had the gamut of guests from "teetotalers" to "partiers."
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We only had wine and champagne at our wedding and no one seemed unhappy! Try not to stress too much about all this stuff! Its very easy for family to take over your wedding plans, I recommend you keep it simple and don't worry about getting your family liquored up!
Dan
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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A lot of weddings here in the US have an open beer and wine bar but no liquor. I think thats a good way to go. I know others dont' agree from the looks of the posts, but I do think you should have some alcohol at your wedding.
Other people I know have had open bar up until a certain amount of money (say 1,000 dollars) and then the bar switches to cash bar.
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Re: I agree
#247314 - 02/19/06 08:31 PM
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gigi
Reged: 03/21/04
Posts: 1442
Loc: South Texas
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When I go to a wedding it is to help the new couple celebrate their union. Not to drink till I'm drunk, or take advantage of free booze. We just go with the flow, and if no alchohol is served, we drink punch or whatever is served.
And are happy to be there.
I have seen so many people get loud and unruly, causing hurt feelings and family arguments that could last for years. It is just not worth it to me.
Just think of it this way, the less you spend on alcohol today, the more money you will have for your honeymoon tomorrow. After the wedding is over, everything is about your and your husband, and everyone else has gone home.
Its a win win situation. Have a toast at dinner, and then be done with it. People also forget how many guests have a traveling bar in thier vehicles, they just go out and fill up a glass or cup and come back in. That is rampant, and never thought of as a big deal by the person who is drinking. Because if they want to drink, they are going to drink. Just stick to your budget right now, because as the wedding nears, unexpected expenses will arise and you are going to need funds to take care of those little things that add up.
just my opinion, the big decisions are being made right now, you are almost over the worst part, then you can chill for a while and enjoy this time in your life.
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...there is never ever ever ever an open bar. Ever. I've been to 10 weddings in the last three years and only one had an open bar for about an hour and people were horrified and too embarrassed to drink anything, they kept offering the barstaff money!
The usual here is:
Pre dinner drinks reception with wine/punch/champagne
Dinner: usually wine either on the tables or served by the hotel staff
Toast: this varies, some weddings give you a wine top up, other a choice of champagne or a wine top up (what we did) and others do a choice of drink from the bar.
After dinner: Cash bar.
Having a dry wedding is up to you, I don't have any insight into what's socially acceptable in Canada though, here there would be an outcry if there was no cash bar at a wedding, but that's the old Irishattitude.
Go with what feels right, make decisions now and then stick to your guns on them.
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S.
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Well since my father who was a recovering alcoholic of 7 years at the time of my wedding AND who was paying for my wedding, we had cases of O'doules(which is the non alcoholic beer)available. I also had a Grandfather and several uncles who were also recovering so it made sense for us to offer this to them. You can't protect the alcoholics and it's not fair for the people who want to have a glass of wine or two to cut them off from it. I know a lot of people who enjoy getting away from the kids for a few hrs, having a few drinks and having fun and look forward to weddings. They hardly ever get out and this is a way for them to unwind. I personally don't drink(for obvious reasons of alcoholism in my family, however, I used to have a drink or two before I realized it affected my IBS so bad, now I opt to just stay away from it due to the stomach consequences!
I agree though, this is your wedding and you have many options. Are you paying for the wedding? Compromise with things. I paid for my dress and the limo. My dad paid for the reception and my inlaws paid for the flowers. Depending on how many people you are having the bar bill can get pricey. If I remember correctly(it was 15 years ago)we had open bar until a certain time(closed it at dinner)then had cash bar the rest of the night. A little bit of something to satisfy everyone. Besides, if you opt for a dry wedding, what's stopping the people from going to the bar in the place and drinking there? Think about it....
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~~~Lisa~~~
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Well, in 97 when I got married, you were allowed to brew your own. My Dad made tons of bottles of home made wine and beer. It cost a fraction of the other stuff. However, if you bring in home brew, you cannot have a cash bar (they don't want you making money selling homemade). We were a little worried about the cost of the bar bill, but we were actually shocked how low it actually was. Most people drank the homemade wine we had on the tables - we made sure there were plenty at dinner, and they were just left to finish over the evening so people generally drank that.
So, we found that our bar bill is way less than we thought. Plus, LCBO will buy back any bottles of liquor that haven't been opened.
Plus, you can limit what you want to offer - like rum, rye, vodka or something like that.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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I would go with a dry bar. Neither of you drink & with all the issues that keep coming up, it would be much easier & cheaper, as I'm sure you already have enough to handle. My BF & I discussed issues like that, & we would definatly go with a dry bar, we don't drink either. It just makes things alot simpiler.
Congrats on your engagement!!!With issues like that coming up, I may be hearing wedding bells soon myself! Let me know how it goes!
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Kiwi
IBS-C
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Sorry this wedding stuff is so hard. What we did is to buy a bunch of beer and wine ourselves and then pay a bartender to serve it out. It worked out just fine, and nobody complained at all. Plus, because there was no hard liquor nobody got really drunk (which was a risk, since we got married right out of college and our friends were all college aged). But, our wedding reception was very laid back (vegetarian bar-b-que with ultimate frisbee) so the beer/wine picnic vibe worked just great for us. I've also been to a wedding where they just put a couple of bottles of wine on each table and you could drink it or not (that way you could not put wine on the alcoholics' tables). Frankly, I've never had a better time at the weddings where there was an open bar as opposed to the ones where there wasn't.
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I can't say as I've ever been to a wedding that didn't have alcohol but then again, I haven't been to many weddings!! I say do what ever you like, its YOUR wedding. 
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I agree with what others have said - do whatever you want to do/can afford/will make for the best time for you... it's YOUR wedding.
That said, if you're looking for more options, most of the weddings I've been to (all in Canada) have had free bar duing the beginning of the reception/the dinner (that, and/or free wine or champagne with dinner/for the toasts) and then a cash bar for the rest of the night after that. That seems perfectly acceptable etiquette-wise. I don't think it's tacky at all.
Of course, having no alcohol or a cash bar all night would be acceptable too Open bars can be ridiculously expensive, especially if you have heavy drinkers in the family. I honestly don't think anyone really *expects* anyone to have open bars - especially young people like you guys!
I also don't think there would be a problem with a dry wedding though. Especially if you're worried about people driving drunk afterwards - yikes!
Edited by retrograde (02/20/06 01:22 PM)
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Hi Kelly~
Go for what you and your fiance want. I think if you do wine service and a toast that should be plenty. The option is totally up to you and I am sure your guest will respect whatever you decide, it is YOUR day!
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Ok!
#247469 - 02/20/06 03:52 PM
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I was under the impression that we as Canadians can't have open bars since you would be legally responsible for any drunk-driving by your guests. Either you, or the wedding venue serving the alcolhol. So none of the weddings I've been to in Canada have been open bar, all cash bars.
That said they've all had a bottle of red and white wine at each table to help out. And as you said, they had a spiked punch and a virgin punch.
For our wedding in NYC we are having an open bar because it's included in the package that we're getting. But those costs add up and we are def paying for that priviledge.
I'd say don't worry about not having an open bar ESPECIALLY since some of your relatives aren't good with booze.
I think people wpi;d complain about a dry bar. Just being honest!
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Hmm
#247497 - 02/20/06 05:29 PM
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Whether you care is up to you, but I agree that people will probably talk if you go with a totally dry reception.
At our wedding, we had a fully open bar for the first hour, and then we had three or four more hours of "soft bar": beer, wine, and soft drinks. That worked well for us, but it was not cheap. Like Tina said, it's a privilege you pay for!
Ultimately, it's your wedding, so if you have a problem with alcohol, you don't have to provide it! I would also add, though, that I have been to many weddings with a cash bar, and I never once thought it tacky!
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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Re: Ok!
#247519 - 02/20/06 07:20 PM
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TommyNY
Reged: 04/29/04
Posts: 1530
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You know, with all of the receptions I have ever been to, I don't think I have ever been to one with a cash bar. I think it is ultimately up to what you want to do Kelly. But do keep this in mind, if you accept money from your Dad, you will have to listen to what he wants. That is just a fact. Its like politicians here in America, they usually listen to the wishes of big coporations and lobbyists because they give the most money. Goo luck with whatever you choose.
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our wedding had wine on the tables. but Cassi's is going to be dry- even cider for toasting due to the park rules! other places we've been have done the alcohol for toasts and thats it.. maybe plus a bottle of wine or 2 per table (ours was unlimited wine). I have seen cash bars, but I honestly think they are tacky and most weddings don't need hard liquor anyway!
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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Well, we had an open bar, because we knew a lot of people (mainly our friends) would want to drink. And I've been to cash bars where none of these drinking friends were the slightest bit bothered by having to pay for alcohol. I THINK I've been to a dry wedding, but I'm not sure, but honestly, I think it's fine, especially if you don't drink. My friend Julie's reception was the first time I didn't drink at all, not even the toast, (I was trying to get pregnant), and I had a great time. I remember everything, took lots of pictures, felt great at the end of the night and the next day.
Maybe if that makes you feel bad, you could try to have cool non-alcohol drinks, like different fruity stuff, kiddie cocktails, etc.
This is YOUR wedding, and the older and more mature I get, I realize that when someone has a wedding party, it's THEIR choice. Really, the guests are there to support you, and if they are peeved they can't get drunk, that's silly.
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