Really missing my Mom and totally lost on the wedding planning...
#246100 - 02/14/06 12:15 AM
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Vicam
Reged: 02/24/04
Posts: 1955
Loc: Ontario, Canada
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Hey Guys,
I could really use all the advice I can get. I'm so happy to be engaged and know I should be celebrating, but I find myself just really missing my Mom. I don't know how I can plan a wedding without her. My closest friends all live in other cities...my little sister lives in the same city with me but is way too busy with University to be of much help.
I just know so little about weddings that I don't even know where to start. I've looked on a few websites and everything and they've just intimidated me...I've seen things I would have never thought of, such as having an "event licence" I don't even know how to go about coming up with a reasonable budget because really, who says what is reasonable?
I'm just so lost...anyone have any tips? With me not working right now it's the perfect opportunity for me to get started so that by the time I go back to work I've got a lot of details already sorted...but I didn't expect to feel this stuck.
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Kelly..
#246102 - 02/14/06 02:26 AM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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Hi Kelly-
The whole wedding thing is a whole new world and a new vocabulary. I found www.theknot.com to be a great site for help and tips and to do lists. Post on some of the wedding bulletin boards, you'd be amazed how much other brides want to help. Try to find a Canadian one that has people in your area on it so that they will be able to give you good tips.
Remember, you have lots of time so play a bit and dream a bit. Wedding planning is fun but stressful too.
A lot of the tips are quite local re marriage licences etc. My top tips are to read and browse and find ideas that you like and what you want from your wedding eg huge party -vs- intimate affair etc and start from the very beginning. The first thing that you usually need to choose is a venue and from there it will all start to take shape and you'll have an idea what your wedding will look like.
Best of luck with it all, it really is fun!
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S.
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Don't let a wedding planner or someone talk you into some over the top wedding, for heaven's sake, unless that just happens to be what YOU want. Sit down and think about what is important and meaningful to you and your fiance. I think premarital counseling/planning with a pastor is a great idea but I don't know if you have anyoen like that in your life. Our wedding was cheap as far as weddings go ($1200 total including ALL, even dress) but it was meaningful to us.
Just ENJOY THIS part of your life, and think of your mother smiling down because you are in love and HAPPY!  Maybe another special woman in your life would take your hand and help you through this? I hope so!
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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Is a daytimer system that is very popular in the US and they have a wedding planner insert that several of my friends have found helpful.
My husband and I eloped so I am no help (for finite details anyway)! 
Take a look at www.franklincovey.com and see if it might be something you are interested in.
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Have a blessed day!...Rachel
stable and sooooooo thankful!
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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First, congratulations! Second, what is your future MIL like? Could she put on the Mom role and help you with this? Also, I don't know what your budget is like, but it might be worth looking into a wedding coordinator (though sometimes they are more trouble than they are worth). Also, I understand your sister is busy, but tell her to suck it up and get over it -- you're her sister, you'll help her when it's her turn, and you need her to help now. We've all been to University, we know how busy it can be, but we also know there are plenty of days spent lying around reading Cosmo with your girlfriends. I'm sure she can set aside one afternoon a week to help you out. In my three years in law school (much busier than college, I promise), I've thrown two baby showers and a bridal shower. It's possible to make time, just ask her nicely and show your appreciation.
Also, go to the drugstore and pick up a bridal magazine. I'm sure there is one for getting started, etc .... maybe there's even a "weddings for dummies" book? Also, all of my married friends have enjoyed the book "Diary of a Mad Bride," (I made the mistake of ordering three copies on Amazon, and now Amazon thinks I'm perpetually engaged and always recommends bridal stuff to me. Talk about rubbing salt in my wounds!).
Don't forget about us here, we can certainly be of help. Also, I'm sure there are some wedding message boards you can try too. Have you looked in Google Groups?
Good luck and congrats again!
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Everything Cailin said! Once you've decided what size affair it will be, book your officiant, church (if that applies for you),reception venue, and DJ. If catering & cake don't come with your venue, you will have to book the date for that, too. Once that's out of the way, you will be ahead of the game.
If you luck out like I did, you can find a reception venue that does the food, the cake, and the bar. It was great - saved me a few phone calls. If you book far enough ahead of time, you won't have to worry about the menu until closer to the wedding.
We booked our March date the previous August and didn't have to look at menu stuff until January, if I recall. We decided to do heavy hors' d' ouevres instead of a sit-down meal. It went over well with our crowd.
Pick up a wedding magazine or two. They have tons of ideas for everything. Also, check out theknot.com and/or indybride.com.
Make yourself a checklist. There's probably some of those online, too.
As for cost of the wedding, once you've called a few places and gotten their costs, you'll get a better feel for budget.
I don't know about Canada, but costs vary widely in the US. In some parts of the country, $20K is considered not too bad. HOLY COW!! On the other hand, our wedding almost 2 years ago in N. Illinois, was about $8K. Probably would have been at least twice as much if we were in Chicago or another metro area. And, like someone else said, it doesn't have to be expensive. I know we could have spent less.
Oh yeah, one more possible budget shocker - flowers! But there are ways around that, too. You can do them yourself or see what a good grocery store can do for you instead of a florist. Or, you can just not have tons of flowers. That's what we did. I'm not a tons-of-flowers kind of gal and my church sanctuary doesn't lend itself to that anyway.
Good luck, and do have fun with it!!! We're here when you need us. 
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I used to work for a wedding director of the Chesapeake Bay Beach Club in MD. I can help you with alot of things if you need it. There is a website theknot.com that has almost everything piece of information you can imagine. Your first step should be to find a church and a reception hall and make sure they are both available the same day. Depending on when you want to have your wedding, some people take 2-3 years to plan it, you can start looking at dresses, bridesmaids dresses, centerpieces, etc. If you are getting married in more then a year, you may want to wait on purchasing a dress as styles change from year to year. There is loads of information on the web and as well as bridal books (we have MD Bride). Please let me know if you have any more questions and I am more then willing to help you and give you some ideas. My email is rn21666@yahoo.com
And your mom is still with with. She is looking down at everything you do and will continue to guide you.
Brandy
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with Cassi's that I'm planning currently..
Amie
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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Kelly,
Having never planned a wedding... I don't really have much tips there 
However I just wanted to offer some hugs and support. I'm sure your mom is looking down on you/all around you [insert your afterlife belief system here]... and just beaming with pride and happiness for you.
Maybe you can do a nice tribute to her at the wedding? My aunt died a few years ago (pancreatic cancer too, actually), and less than a year later my cousin got married. They lit some candles at the ceremony and had a nice table with flowers and candles and her picture on it, just as kind of a reminder that she WAS there. It was really beautiful.
*HUGS*
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Hey Kelly! I'm so excited for you!! Ok, first of all try to take a deep breath and relax, it WILL come together and all work out! First, like the others said, what size wedding and how "fancy" do you want/can afford??
Will and I choose to buy a house instead of spend a lot of money on our wedding. We got married in his family's church in the little upnorth town that he grow up in. There was about 75 people total. The reception was at the boat house at the local ski resort. It was right on the lake but it was just a cement floor with banquet tables and folding chairs. We decorated it nice with wild flowers and ribbons. I had my grandma stand up with me and just let her pick out her own dress. We did hire a DJ, I think that was $450. My mom and I made all the food in advance, we had baked chicken, with all different kinds of salads and veggies and rolls and fruit and I forget what else!! We did pay a couple hundred for a nice cake. It was a beautiful day and it was right on the lake and there was a playground for the little ones to play at and everyone had a great time!
I spent $250 on my dress and Will rented a tux. I did my own hair and make-up and Wills parents bought us the honeymoon suite at the local hotel! We couldn't really afford a honeymoon since we were buying a house but that was ok!
My point is, you can spend a LOT of money and have planners and lots of foo-foo stuff if thats what YOU want but if it isn't, thats perfectly ok too!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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