Tips for getting through a break up?
#241379 - 01/25/06 07:00 AM
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karyash
Reged: 04/11/05
Posts: 94
Loc: Fargo, ND
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Does anyone have tips for getting through a break up? My BF & I broke up last week and I am having a terrible time. I don't feel like eating, I've had D, can't sleep, etc. We only dated for 4 months, but we were pretty serious and I thought that he could be the one. He said he wanted to work things out, but hasn't called in a week and pretty much left me hanging with no explanation. Not something you do to someone you "love". Anyways, I know I need to distract myself, which is easy during the day because I work & have kids. The worst time is at night when the kids are in bed and we would be hanging out. How long is it going to take to feel better? Help! 
Kristi
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My bf of 3 years and I broke up 4 months ago, and I cried for 3 hours last night. I'd been doing pretty well, and then I got an email from him on Saturday, congratulating me on getting a job (he'd heard from my brother). We hadn't communicated in months (per his insistance) and then I get this generic email not even talking about his feelings at all. So, it totally sent me for a loop and made me question whether I really am over him, after all.
As far as dealing with the breakup, I've mostly just been trying to focus on things that make me happy -- going out with my girlfriends, concentrating on my schoolwork, watching tv, etc. It's not easy or fun, and I have no idea how long it takes!
I hope you start feeling better soon!
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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I don't think anyone knows for sure how long it takes to get over a break-up. There's the old adage, that you should double the amount of time together and that is how long it will take. Kind of dumb if you think about it... I think it is best to focus on your life and not dwell on what you could have done better and beat yourself up. Try to keep busy. It will take time but you will be fine.
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Awww, sweetie. Breakups suck big time. I think if he said he wants to work things through, maybe he's waiting for you to make the next move. What you need to ask yourself is this: Are you really missing HIM or having someone in your life? Are the issues that caused you to break up irresolveable or something you're willing to work on?
For the sake of peace of mind, I might drop him a quick phone call - don't dwell on things, but ask him if he feels the same - does he want to end things or give things another try and why. That way, at least the wondering will be over. It might be more painful in the short run - but at least you won't have any regrets in the long run.
Just a suggestion to think about. Ultimately, YOU have to do what YOU feel is best for YOU. Take care, sweetie.
Hugs, Alicia.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Thanks Alicia. You really made me think. At this point I'm not sure if it's him I miss or just having someone. I am willing to work on our issues, but it seems that he isn't. We broke up last Tuesday. He came over that night to get his things and said that he loves me but needed a few days to think. He called the next night and that was the last I have heard from him
I did call him on Sunday and he did not return my call. I talked to a mutual friend that day and my ex told him that he would not return my calls. So he left me hanging. I would just like to know why he doesn't want to try so I can get some closure. It looks like I won't be getting that. I just have to find a way to move on from here.
Thank you for your advice and kind words.
Kristi
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Aw sweetie, that sucks! I'm sorry! Its hard when you don't feel that you have the closure but sometimes there just isn't going to be any and you still have to move on. Try to accept that and don't dwell on the what-ifs, they don't matter now! Find yourself a good hobby to start working on after you put the kids to bed. Maybe you can join a class of some sorts, exercise or hobby or cooking or whatever, just to get you out once in a while! The worse thing you can do is sit home and mope. Have yourself a good cry, get mad, beat up your pillow and pretend its him if it makes you feel better! Get it out and try not to look back. He obviously wasn't the right guy but I'm sure you'll find the right one soon! Hugs!!!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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If he wasn't willing to work on issues, then he isn't worth getting back. It sucks that he won't talk to you, but do the best you can. Move on. You're young, beautiful and have to wonderful children. Focus on that. Keep yourself busy and try not to think of it. Move on. What ifs get you nowhere.
Hugs and hugs and hugs,
A.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Amanda
#241545 - 01/25/06 01:54 PM
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My 2 cents is to cut off all ties with the ex. I think it's better that way. I'm sorry you're still hurting.
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Re: Amanda
#241696 - 01/26/06 06:59 AM
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Augie
Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois
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I'm also sorry you're still hurting Amanda. I hope you come to some peace with this soon.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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How do I cut off all ties when I'm still hoping we'll work it out? We broke up with so little closure, so much "we'll see what happens," I don't get how I should just decide that it's totally over, when that wasn't what we said at the time. I feel pathetic for hanging on, but at the same time I can't really declare it over when that's not what I want. Boooo. Stupid boys.
Thanks for the support!
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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