Major Anxiety
#201068 - 07/30/05 12:05 PM
|
|
|
|
Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
|
|
|
Hi all,
I just wanted to post this here because it seems like some of you guys are the only ones who will understand how I am feeling today.
My stomach woke me up this morning at 7:30 (on a Saturday, the darn thing!) in major pains. I spent the next several hours back and forth to the potty with attacks of D.
I have been taking 4 doses of antibiotics a day for the infection in my mouth, so I am assuming this is what has caused it.
Unbeknownst(sp?) to me, I have plans to go visit my family cabin today. I say I didn't know because usually my family just decides I will be there, lets me know at the last minute and I am completely unprepared and often have to scramble to cancel other plans, etc.
So apparently today was one of those days. My cabin is just across the border into the US, so it takes about 45 minutes to get to the border and then who knows how long to get across depending on the lineup.
The drive is not really an "IBS Friendly" one as it is through a lot of farm land and stuff, ie. nowhere to stop.
So now I am having major, major anxiety. I called my mom at the cabin, because she was thinking of staying overnight which means I wouldn't have to go down until tomorrow. She has decided, though, that she wants to come home today but she has no car so someone HAS to go down to pick her up. And she has decided that I am going down to spend the day. I told her I was really not feeling well, and it doesn't even mean anything.
She says to come down in a couple of hours, to just take immodium, that I can just NOT EAT for the day??? She talks to me like I am just a child who is being stubborn, but I'm not.
I tell her I can barely leave the bathroom, she tells me I can sit on the toilet at the cabin (the ONE toilet, might I add.. on a septic system). She says we should come down really soon because there is a music festival. Um, hello?? Did you not just hear what I said?? There are NO public bathrooms in the whole area, and she wants me to go to a bloody outdoor music festival? Like I can just DECIDE not to get sick.
Everyone is always disappointed in me, or mad at me, they think I am just being selfish.
Adrian says we just shouldn't go, but he doesn't understand that the anxiety of being 'disappointing' and a bad daughter and bad granddaughter are even worse than my stomach-fueled anxiety.
I just want to be able to say, "I'm really not feeling well" and get some sort of supportive response. I am not expecting, "Oh, you poor thing, is there anything I can do?" but at least a, "Alright, well if you can make it down later we'd like to see you" or SOMETHING that doesn't scream, "You have no idea how much sh!t you're going to be in if you don't do what we want you to."
Adrian says I need to be stronger, just be firm and stop feeling sorry for myself but he doesn't understand. I can't NOT feel anxious and guilty and literally sick when they get mad at me, it drives me nuts but I can't.
I'm sorry to vent to you guys once again, but I really just need someone to be nice to me today.. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a whole bunch of immodium to take so I can try and make the car journey.
--Steph
--------------------
~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Ugh ... families. I don't know what to tell you. Good luck.
--------------------
Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Oh, that's lame Stephie. Just tell them you're not going to the cabin until much later. If there's a music fest your mom should be ok for a few hours, right? I'm confused how she even got there if she has no way home. My therapist says that as an adult you have to detach yourself from your immediate family in order to form your own. Your family will resist this, and become angry if you don't perform your expected role, but you have to do it. So I urge you to stop cancelling plans for things your family just expects you to do.
But in the short term, if I have D and I'm in and out of the bathroom, I'm not going ANYWHERE.
Hang in there, take it easy, and take care of yourself.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Re: Major Anxiety
#201072 - 07/30/05 12:34 PM
|
|
|
|
Sand
Reged: 12/13/04
Posts: 4490
Loc: West Orange, NJ (IBS-D)
|
|
|
I'm so sorry. It seems like you just can't catch a break lately, doesn't it?
I certainly understand that you can't not feel anxious and guilty about not meeting your family's expectations. However, many years ago my very wise therapist told me that sometimes guilt is the price you have to pay for doing what you want.
Take care.
--------------------
[Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. - Sandra Boynton]
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Oh steph....
#201082 - 07/30/05 01:13 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Natalie1985
Reged: 08/09/04
Posts: 1329
Loc: UK - Leeds for uni, Merseyside for home!
|
|
|
Im so sorry you're feeling so bad, if it makes you feel any better the same happened to me today, I think I have a bit of a bug but I was awoken at 5.30 this morning in agony and have had d attacks all day. To make matters worse my parents went out and left me to go and pick my sis up from work in the car and I too had anxiety attacks thinking I wasnt gona make it there n back. Luckily I did after popping some immodium, I hope everything turns out okay for you too.....Im sending lots and lots og hugs and happy tummy thoughts your way!
(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
--------------------
 Natalie
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
*sighs*
#201087 - 07/30/05 01:39 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
|
|
|
So then during one of my many trips to the loo, my mom phoned and talked to my boyfriend. She said she had to phone because she didn't know how she was going to get home.
I don't understand!
She made me agree to come, I ended the conversation with, "Okay, I will see you down there then (leaving at 3, like she told me to)" and then she calls as if I have just left her stranded there!
What you guys said all makes so much sense, it really does.. it is the same thing Adrian has been saying to me but I just can't NOT go.
Adrian even told her on the phone that he might have to go alone and get her, and he said she was acting all confused and surprised.
Anyway, I am going to go. Adrian is going out to pick me up some immodium 'cause I don't have any (what happened to immodium, by the way?? It used to be so easy to just pop in and swallow, now they are chewable and even the ones you swallow are more awkward and awful? I hate the new ones!).
I will not go to the music festival, I will not go to the beach where there are no bathrooms. I WILL get lectured about it and questioned over and over again. "Are you sure? Are you sure?"
I just can't NOT do it. It's pathetic.
Oh, and she got down there when my Dad took her yesterday. He didn't want to stay the night, and came home while she stayed the night. She isn't impressed that he isn't going back today either.
The other thing is, I would feel differently if it was a once in a while thing but this is happening every week now. Every week she wants me to drive down there and back, and there is nothing to do there and I get hassled so much by everyone about what to eat, and what to wear (Seriously, if I don't wear shorts, it's like I am being very sinful).. everything. I was just there last week. But still, if I don't go, I am being a horrible grandaughter (it is my grandparent's cabin) and am selfish and.. aaaaah!!
Your guys' support means so much to me, I feel like everyone else is just coming at me from all sides and this is the only place I have to be honest and to feel understood. Thank you so much.
--Steph
--------------------
~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Hey Steph,
I completely understand where you're coming from. I have the same problem with my Dad, he asks me to do things totally last minute and guilt trips me like crazy if I can't go. I have problems not so much because of my tummy right now, but because I'm on a lot of heavy-duty sedatives to try and control my panic attacks and so I can't drive, and he lives in a different city. That's never good enough...I'm always feeling like a disappointment. And my bf is the same as Adrian, always telling me not to go and just to say no and take care of myself.
I don't know what it is, but like you, I have the hardest time saying no and always wish that I could just get a supportive "no problem, see you another time" or something. Wish I had better advice for you (or any advice) but so far I haven't quite figured out how to deal with things either  Just wanted to let you know I understand
Hang in there, hope your tummy feels better soon
Kelly
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Stephie--
I'm hissing and growling at your mother. (Sorry, but when I'm pissed off, I'm beyond language and resort to displays and gestures and it does get quite anthropomorphic!!! I feel like putting on some boots and kicking something--fulfilling my inner kickboxer/Jean-Claude VanDam them to **** diva/Goddess wanna-be heroine idol.) Okay, they're not being fair. They're being selfish and cruel and you know what--it's not good for your health and well being.
I would just stick to my "guns." You're HURTING and you've got D and pain and you could really end up up the creek without a paddle! So...rent some videos...be YOUR OWN PERSON and do what you feel you need to do. You just sound so manipulated. (Okay, I know I'm being opinionated and I'm trying not to sound bossy or like a bitch, but I'd tell you're mother to have a wonderful time without you. What a tug of war you must be going through! Why are you cowering, surrendering to the MOTHER!!! I'm scratching my brain for a solution or at least a seemingly nice way out, but I don't think there is beyond NO,no-no-no-no-no-no-no...not this weekend, not necessarily not ever, but just not this weekend...and no need for excuses or appologies, but you've got other priorites/responsibilities, i.e. taking care of you. HUGS because you must just ache to bits and pieces that they don't need to take a bite out of you with this. So, see a funny movie instead.
Sorry; I'm a wee bit opinionated but I mean well. Mostly, I want you in the groove, with some spunk back because you sound so zapped...like you need someone to warm up your towels in the dryer and fluff your pillows and just spoil you, not pull at your heart-strings and emotionally blackmail you.
Kate.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Hey, you can always crap on her couch. Maybe she'll get it then. 
--------------------
Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Re: *sighs*
#201101 - 07/30/05 03:34 PM
|
|
|
|
|
RoseyL
Reged: 07/20/05
Posts: 14
Loc: Minnesota
|
|
|
Steph,
I am so sorry that you are having such a horrible day   !!! No body really understands IBS.... unless they have it......I know that your mom is struggling with her health, but she really needs you to be at your best....which means staying home and taking care of yourself (resting, relaxing, eating right, being close to a bathroom......) We really are not very good at helping others when we are not feeling our best!! That anxiety stuff that we experience when we are D, and needing to know where the bathroom is.....it is horrible!!!! Major panic attacks when we have a little rumble.... not knowing if it is just gas AAAAHHHHHRRRRGGGG!!!!! And sometimes just being with people makes it worse because you feel like you need to explain, and you feel wierd, and nobody really likes talking about their bodily functions and how they are not working correctly at the moment, and then it will take longer to get to the bathroom because you are trying to be polite and not just disapear without explanation of where you are going, and if you have to go again ---OMGosh, this causes more stress and anxiety..........sorry, I guess I got carried away 
Back to your mom.....You are her daughter, but you are not her keeper. She really needs to depend more on your dad, her soulmate, and partner in life (I am assuming that he is healthy).....but even if he has health issues, your parents are committed to each other.... for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. I don't feel it is right for your mom to expect so much out of you, when you are not at your best. I know it is hard to say no to family......but nobody can take care of you, like you can.....So you need to take care of you first..... and then check on mom -- be the best you can be for YOU, and then for her. I know this may sound selfish, but it really works for me if I live by this.
I don't know how old your mom is, but I am 42. I have a 17 and 15 year old (stress city during these teenage years ). I know from experience that if I don't take care of me, nobody will. My family doesn't get IBS.....but they are getting better. My mom had it, and I didn't understand until I started having it. I pray that my kids won't have to go through this!! And I pray that your IBS will settle down so you can be the person you want to be and the person God created you to be
Blessings
Rosey
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
Posts
