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Thank you all for your support, encouragement and suggestions. I really appreciate it and am thinking about talking with my GP. I just hate to go back on meds and disappoint anyone. Everyone was so proud of me for getting off Zoloft a couple years ago.
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Don't be afraid of disappointing anyone - you are being too hard on yourself. The first step is admitting you have a problem and the second step is talking to your GP and being honest with him. Hopefully through couseling you will beable to talk to your husband about your anger issue. Besides your husband no one else has to know you are on medication. 
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Barb
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One of the important things I have learned from a great philosophy I study is that there are two kinds of anger in this world -- one is on behalf of justice and the beauty of things, for example anger that there are people who have no place to live in this country -- and then another anger which is very common which feels the world is a mess and I have a right to lash out. We feel proud when we have the first anger and we feel bad later when we have the second. If you would like to learn more my email is mda10016@yahoo.com
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Dear KaybeeC
Thank you so much for taking the time out of your moving schedule to post such a heart-felt response to my situation. God was mentioned in many of the responses and I am kind of ashamed to say that I didn't grow up with God in my life. Both my parents were raised in church going families and yet they did not provide that for my brother and I. They left it up to us to choose when, where and what religion we felt comfortable with. The only time I ever remember going to church was on Easter, for weddings, and for funerals. I have never even read the bible. The only things I learned about God was through TV, those brief visits to church, and what others have told me. My husband was raised in a very religious family but no longer attends church either. He has very strong christian beliefs, however and he and I both believe that you don't have to go to a church to believe. I have my beliefs, but I have always felt as if I missed something by not being introduced to church by my parents. I don't know how to pray really. I get teary eyed when I read posts talking about God.
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Hi, dear one!
Still moving - just came back over to get another load - what a mess.... but I wanted to check in on you. I just had to respond to your sweet, honest statement that you "don't know how to pray."
Here's where to start: "Lord, help."
Prayer is just the cry of your heart to God's heart. And I believe God's heart is breaking for you right now - that's the kind of Father He is. God is completely, perfectly all-knowing.... and He's just waiting for you to come to Him. He's a gentleman, though - He won't push His way into your heart. The only way to God, though, is through His Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus is "the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father but by me." (Jesus' words) He also said, "I stand at the door and knock. If anyone answers, I'll come in to him." (I'm paraphrasing because my Bible's at my new home. But you get the idea). Dear Jesus has been standing at the door, knocking - He's just waiting to be invited over the threshold of your heart! When we accept Christ as our Savior, He becomes our biggest prayer warrior - that's His job right now - sitting at the right hand of God the Father, interceding for His children.
Christ went to the Cross as the perfect offering for sin - all the sins of the world. And He did it out of love - "for the joy that was set before Him" - which was the salvation of all who will believe on His name. None of us, no matter how good we are, how many good works we do, how loving we are, are "sinless". We're separated from God by our sin (because of the sin of Adam and Eve) but Jesus has bridged the gap....
How does anyone accept Christ as Savior? It begins with faith, which is a gift from God - faith that Christ's death on the Cross was for you and that it covered all your sins with perfect righteousness - HIS righteousness. Believe in your heart that Christ is Lord, and then "confess it with your mouth". I did this over a shopping cart at a Wal-Mart several years ago - I just prayed with someone, "Jesus, I know I'm a sinner and I believe that you died on the Cross for my sins so that I could have eternal life in heaven with You. I ask you to come into my heart right now." You can pray something like that, too. When you do, Christ will come to live on the inside of you in the person of the Holy Spirit... and you will not only have eternal life, but you will have blessings on this earth that you can't imagine! It's not magic.... it's real..... There won't be any aura around you and your problems won't disappear overnight - but you can have the "peace that surpasses human understanding" - and you will have entered into the most wonderful love relationship you can imagine! From that point on, you can count on God to guide you, to comfort you, to teach you, to bless you.....
I believe in your posts that you've been expressing a "longing for belonging" - you're a "seeker" - and the One you're seeking is God. I noticed that you asked about "Dianetics" - I believe this is by L. Ron Hubbard? It's a very deceptive philosophy - and the very fact that you're asking about it confirms, I believe, that you are truly seeking God. There are plenty of man-made philosophies and religions that sound just great - very uplifting, very "promising" - with a "plan" to follow. But there is no power in "positive thinking" or any other type of philosophy - they're full of empty promises that can never be fulfilled. God, however, is faithful and keeps His promises - there is no changing in Him. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Place your trust in His Son and your life will never be the same. This is not about joining a church or having "religion" or following a "philosophy" - it's about a personal relationship with the Living, Resurrected Savior, Jesus Christ.
Don't worry right now about "religion" and church - start by asking Jesus into your heart and God will lead you from there...
I sincerely hope you'll read this in the spirit it's sent - full of love and compassion - and the knowledge that I've received the same forgiveness and new life I've been writing to you about. And it's a gift from God, not due in any part to any effort on my part - nothing I could do could "earn" a place in Heaven. I'm praying you'll experience the same joy I've had .....
May God guide you and bless you with the gift of faith!
In Christian love,
Kaybee C
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You definately should talk to a doc about this especially since you slapped your poor innocent dogs. What if something else happens that is worse next time you know? You really don't want to hurt others or yourself.
p.s. I've always been quiet too since I have a social anxiety disorder.
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