Negative pregnancy test, again!
#198131 - 07/21/05 08:32 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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Well, Its pretty darn offical. I do go in tomorrow for the blood test but its just a formality. My period would normally be here Saturday, the clomid and progesterone would delay it about 3 days, not sure if the femara will also? Anyways, my tests are SUPER senstaive, they detect at 20 hcg and there wasn't even a hint of a second line, not even an evaporation line when I looked at it 2 hours later! I had to get up at 5am to pee and decided I'd test again because I really don't want to continue using the progesterone if I'm not as its VERY messy, gross and delays the inevitable period.
So, I layed in bed and cried for two hours, then got up. I figured since I couldn't sleep I'd go to K-Mart and stock up on the needed monthly supplies. While at K-Mart, my tummy goes haywire, like I gotty go potty RIGHT NOW! Leave the cart in the middle of the isle and run, more like hobble as fast as I can with bad hips, to the potty just to find the cleaning lady in there with the door locked!    I said "excuse my but I REALLY need to use the potty." She said I'll be done cleaning in 10 minutes! I told her she was going to have to clean up out in the hall where I was if she didn't let me in! She wouldn't, so I went into the mens!! She saw me and said "hey, you can't go in there" and I just walked in and locked the door! Luckily, it didn't take too long as everything was in a big hurry to leave my body! I washed my hands and strolled out like nothing happened! The cleaning lady just glared at me but hey, what was I supposed to do! 
So anyways, I get my cart and leave K-Mart and still had some time to spare so I stopped at the Whole Foods and got some yummy vitamin water and a couple of boxes of Cocoa Petes Berry Berry Dangerous treats! They are to die for! Its dried strawberries mixed in with real, dark chocolate! I figured I deserved a treat! 
So, here I sit at work, nibbling my chocolate and trying not to have a major meltdown. I still haven't decided about the iui. I'll talk to the RE some more but I really can't find any evidence that it will improve my chances. I think we might give it another month or two but thats subject to change.
I talked to the physical therpist about my hips last night and she said there really isn't anything short of surgery they can do and they only do the surgery in rare cases and the recovery isn't any fun. She is checking today to see if she can get me one of the "electeric shock" things to take home to use. I don't know the actual name, I think its a differential?? You hook up these little electrodes around the painful area and then turn a knob on this hand help device that send little currents of electricity into the painful area. This is supposed to help with inflammation and pain control. I can use it up to 40 minutes at a time several times a day. So, hopefully, tonight when I go to therpay, I'll be given one to take home for a few weeks!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. It is sooooo disappointing, especially after all you have done to get to this point! You deserve to cry---and you sure as heck deserve those yummy chocolate-covered berries! Yum! (don't know if it'll help your tummy or not, but who cares right now, huh?)
And I hate to hear that your hips are still hurting you this bad. The doctor mentioned what sounds like the same machine to me to help my back, but I never checked into it since the pain in my back was not localized but was all over the place. I hope that will help you! It would be worth a try!
Keeping you in my prayers! It will happen. Please don't give up! Let us know what the RE says.
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Michele I am so sorry :-(. You are so brave. I really want you to see my incredible naturopath in London - he has worked a lot with infertility. Feel good darling.
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Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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It's just not fair! You have done so much to be pregnant, and have been so good about it. You are a very strong person, probably stronger than you realize. I know people in my life who have literally crumbled for things far less significant. I wish I could help you think of another option, but I'm not educated enough and don't have the experience. If you do decide on adoption, I'm sure your husband will amend his argument about the loan.
And I think it's cute how you call it a "potty".
AND I had that electrode thing on my lower back/hip area about a year ago. I'd get this thing where I'd have to "pop" that area by stretching my legs out and bending backward at the waist. So my chiropractor had me do that a few times a week and it really did help. I need to go back for other stuff cause I haven't been diligent about stretches, but since then I haven't had that hip problem. I say go for it. (My insurance covered that too, but not adjustments ).
I want to keep saying I'm sorry but instead I'm just going to be positive and keep hoping for you!
Ginger
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Thanks Girls! I'm trying to be strong. right now, I'm just trying to kinda block it out as much as possible. If I think about it too much, I start crying. I'm hoping a little more time is all that is needed. Once AF (my period) shows up, than I'll see the RE by cycle day 5 to get a check up before starting the meds again. I'll get all the options at that point. I'm hoping she will agree to up my dose of femara as I only produce one, albiet very large, follicle last month. I would be overjoyed with twins and the more follicles the more chances of getting pregnant. The clomid did produce more follicles but I just can't tolerate the depression that goes with it. I'm not oppossed to trying injectables but I think she will insist I try iui first. I guess I'll find out next week!
The chocolates I bought are IBS safe I believe. They do have 10grams of fat so I guess not everyone could tolerate them but the ingredients are Dark chocolate (chocolate, sugar, coco butter, soya lechitin as an emulsifer and vanilla) strawverries and natural flavorings! I thought that sounded a lot safer than a dairy queen~ 
Thanks for all the continued support! I'll be sure to post as soon as I see the RE again next week!
I'm pretty sure the electronic thingy for my hips will help as I have been doing shorter 20 minute sessions there and it does seem to ease the pain, especially while its on! So, hopefully, this will help it get better quicker! I am kinda bummed I have to miss out on the Ann Arbor Art fair because there is no way I could do that much walking right now! But, there will be other art fairs, right!  Must think positive, will feel better soon , will have baby soon, must think positive.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Kudos to you for craftily thwarting the evil cleaning lady. Like she can defend gender delineated bathrooms for one user only, indeed. She was no match for you!! 
I'm so sorry you're upset. You deserve to be happy and I know you will be someday. Stake out your place on the couch and let it all out. Big hugs to you.
~nelly~
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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Oh Michele. I'm so sorry.
Good for you for using the men's room!
Eat as much chocolate as you want to!!!!
Have you considered adoption?
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That's funny that you went in the men's room - LOL! I would have done the same thing....that cleaning lady obviously does not have IBS...
Anyways, I am SO sorry about the negative test  Makes me want to scream! I had a feeling though, since you said you weren't feeling anything at all I just still had a little hope I guess.
I don't know much at all about the iui...I wish I did so I could help you more!
I don't know about your hips either! You poor thing! I hope you can take home one of those electric things tonight - it sounds like it might help.
Keep us updated....<<Big Hugs>> Hang in there sweetie. We're all rootin' for ya.
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~Cara~
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No fair, Michele. I know this rings hollow but be patient and have faith. It's gotta happen sometime!
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Thanks Girls! I appriciate the kind words! I don't feel so bad about using the mens room now! There just wasn't any holding it, as you fellow ibs'ers know! I was embarrassed but not as embarrassed as I would have been had I crapped my pants!
I've drowned my sorrows in chocolate and I'm trying to be positive about the next cycle.
I have thought about adoption but can't afford the $10-15 thousand it costs.
I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend this weekend. I think Will and I are going to the I-max therater and are going to see WIlly wonka! But next weekend, we are going up north and staying with his parents for 3 days. I like his parents fine but they are having a family reuinion and I know everyone will be asking about our fertility stuff and I'm going to have a hard time. I guess I'm just going to have to come up with a generic answer like "no, no baby yet but still trying," and politely excuse myself. I just feel that if I go into details, I'd get too upset. I'll just have to tell Wills parents how I feel and that way if anyone says something about my being rude, his parents can explain for me!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I think people will, or should, understand that it's a sensitive issue. My friend, who started trying last year, and only recently went on Clomid, has the same worries, which is why she hasn't told many people that she's trying. (I only recently found out). She doesn't really like the questions. So don't worry about people thinking you're rude!! And have a good time! And let me know how Willy Wonka is! 
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As far as answering people's questions, I think it would be most comfortable for everyone if you put a positive spin on it. Maybe something like: You'll be the first to know when we have some good news, and in the meantime we are enjoying going to the movies, sleeping through the night, and all the other things we won't be able to do when we have kids!
You don't want to be in the position where you have to say something sad, and then the other person feels awkward and has to think of something to say. Hopefully not many people will ask, but we all know that's not likely!
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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{{{hugs}}}}
#198292 - 07/21/05 03:25 PM
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Linz
Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England
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Oh sweetie, you eat all the chocolate you want! 
And the electro shock thingy ...that's a TENS machine like I mentioned. I'm going to try one for the Fibro when I get organised.
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Hi Michele,
I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this again Wish I had something better to say but I really don't, other than that I'm thinking of you and hoping you find something that works for you really soon.
And well done with the Kmart situation! I don't know what I would have done if the cleaning lady wouldn't come out...probably wouldn't have been smart or brave enough to go into the men's and would have just broken down crying or something. I think you did real good
Hang in there and enjoy your treats, you do deserve them!
Kelly
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Well, crap
#198366 - 07/21/05 06:49 PM
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Augie
Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois
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I'm sorry it wasn't this month. But August would give you a May baby! It could be born on Mother's day! Wouldn't that be great! 9 months from August is May right?
I hope you are feeling a little "better" by now and that you and Will are managing to stay positive. I know this is wearing you down. I'm sorry you are so tortured by this baby making ordeal. Have you thought about seeking therapy for this? My friend got really stressed when she was unsuccessful at getting pregnant. She was stressed and depressed. She started to see a counselor. She eventually became pregnant (x3) and the doctors believe it was all the stress she was feeling over not getting pregnant that was actually the cause her not getting pregnant.
Just a thought.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, hon.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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Panda
#198370 - 07/21/05 07:07 PM
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You have a good way with words, Amanda! I've never had the social finesse to be able to come up with less direct, more pleasant way to say things. Do you give lessons?
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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awww michele that sucks!
we all know that you deserve this more than half the other woman out there popping out babies like pez (to use your own words)
anyways, I know there's nothing to say to make you feel any better about it, so the best that I can say is that it sucks alot.
I hope you have a good weekend, and are able to enjoy it a little bit.
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Awww....I'm so sorry to hear this. *HUGS*
What a stupid cleaning lady!! At moments like that I wish that people like that could experience IBS for just one day so they know what it feels like.
*HUGE HUGS TILL YOU TURN BLUE*
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Thanks Kimm!!
Yeah, I was upset with that darned cleaning lady too but the mens room wasn't so bad and luckily, no one else came in! I would have been really embarrassed if I came out of the stall had there was a guy at the urinal!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Thanks!! It sucks a lot pretty much sums it up about right! I am feeling a bit better today. I guess I've just kinda turned numb about it. On to next month!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Re: Well, crap
#198470 - 07/22/05 07:06 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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Hey Beth! Thanks for the kind words. I am seeing a shrink, have been for about a year and half now. She does help put things into perspective and is a good ear to vent to.
I actually do feel a bit better today. Of course I'm still sad but I haven't creid at all. In fact, I think I'm just kinda numb about it. I had to go and have the blood test this monring anyways, even though I'm positive it will be negative. I'm glad my boss is off today so it shouldn't be a stressful day for me and than I've got the weekend to relax. On to the next cycle!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Thanks Kelly! I'm sure if you had to go as bad as I did and was standing next to the mens room, you would have done the same thing! Not going potty, RIGHT NOW, just wasn't an option for me!
We know that I am ovulating and everything else seems ok so I'm hoping its just a matter of a little more time. Although my progesterone is still running low, the Re doesn't seem very concerned about it. I'll talk to her about it next week when I see her to get next months "drugs!"
I hope your feeling better too!! Too bad we don't live just a little closer!!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Re: Linz
#198474 - 07/22/05 07:14 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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Yes, a tens unit, thats what its called!! I got to take one home last night and it does help the pain!! I don't think it actually does anything to make it heal faster but while its on, the pain is SO much better! Mine is actually very small and hooks onto my belt. I brought it with me to work and I'm about to hook myself up! I can use it for an hour at a time as many times as I want! AND my insurance pays for it!! The therpaist wasn't sure how long I get to keep it, she said its usually 1-3 months and someone from my insurance would contact me to let me know!
I even put it on Wills last night for a while. He has a bad shoulder and now he wants to buy one! If you have pain and can get your hands on one, I'd say do it! It hurts again when you stop using it but it at least gives some relief from the constant pain!!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Re: Panda
#198476 - 07/22/05 07:21 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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I agree, Panda, thats a much better thing to say! Thanks!!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I'm still holding out that the blood test will prove the other test wrong. Guess I'm an optomist,
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Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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Thanks Carol! I'd LOVE it if I were wrong! The nurse should call me later this afternoon and give me the offical word.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Oh Michele honey! I didn't get a chance to be on the boards yesterday, so I just saw this now. I'm sorry yesterday was such a yucky day... and that cleaning lady! What a bitty! I would have done the same thing you did!
I'm glad you're feeling better today. And I'm glad you have the weekend to relax... you need it! Hugs!
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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I have my foot in my mouth 90% of the time! I'm really good at coming up with what I should have said, but I usually don't think of good things to say at the time. Unfortunately I've dealt with a lot of rude people lately who ask questions that are none of their business -- bf and I were at a wedding a couple weeks ago and about 300 people asked us over and over why we weren't engaged, when we were getting married, etc. We joked that we should just print up a memo and hand it out to people. BF started saying he was moving to Zimbabwe to live in a hut. Do people not realize that it's rude to ask personal questions!?
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Glad I could help, Michele. I really hope you can hold on to your optimism -- I know it's what's gotten you through so far! Remember Job in the bible, how he was rewarded for his patience!
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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They only cost about £60 in my chemist so if you know they help it's def. worth the money. My doc told me that they just don't work on some people so that's why they do trials w/out you having to pay for the unit.
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I just called the Re's nurse and the blood test was negative. I'm too call when my period shows up to start the whole process over again! Keep your fingers crossed for next month!
Thanks for everyones kind words! No need to reply again! Just didn't want anyone waiting on the "official" word! HEHE!!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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HONEY!!!! You know I am here! I am sorry I have not been the greatest friend latley!! Keep your head up, grab a HUGE BAG of M&M's and try to just relax some! When I get home from AZ you will have to come over and just chill for a day with Kenna and me!! It will happen and hopefully soon!! GOOD for you for using the mens room!!! I would have to! Stupid women!!!
Hugs and Kisses!!!!!!
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Heather7476
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You're in AZ? Wish we could've gotten together Heather!!! *hugs* Enjoy your stay...hope you drink a TON...sorry you came for the heat wave!
Michele...how are you doing today? Thinking about you and praying for you....love you lots *hugs*
Ruch
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Ruchie
#198668 - 07/22/05 02:56 PM
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heather7476
Reged: 08/09/04
Posts: 2996
Loc: South East Michigan
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HEY honey!!! I am not there yet!! I am going Aug 3rd to Aug 9th! I will be in Mesa is that near you??
HUGS
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Heather7476
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REALLY? That's GREAT! Lets see....I am in Phoenix...not so close to Mesa I don't think...but I'm not sure really. I'll have hubby look at a map and find out where tht is exactly and how far, etc. I would LOVE to meet you! Tht would be sooo super  I'll let you know what I found out after Shabbos (sometime on Sun.)....how exciting!
Love ya!
Ruch
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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I just saw this, sorry for asking how you're doing when you already told me
Of COURSE we want to reply. We love you SO MUCH Michele!!
Sending you prayers, love, hope, and a baby (if only I COULD...),
Love, Ruch
P.S. And a HAPPY FRIDAY!!! Pamper yourself...you DESERVE it!!
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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TENS
#198673 - 07/22/05 03:26 PM
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I remember reading about this....how COOL! I'm soooo glad you found something to help the pain! *hugs*
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Where have you been? I've been worried about you since we haven't heard from you. Are you all right?
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SOOOOOOO sorry Michele for the not so good news! I know you are tired of hearing "maybe next time" so I'm not even gonna say it , but I will say BIG HUGS AND PRAYERS FOR YOU & IT WILL HAPPEN!
Thank goodness for K-mart having early hours for you to shop and get rid of your stress.
Ok, now where can I get those scrumptious treats you mentioned that you got from Whole Foods? Is that a health food store or a supermarket? They sound wonderful!! I LOVE DARK chocolate. Eat 10 boxes! You deserve them.
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~~~Lisa~~~
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Re: LittleLisa
#199035 - 07/25/05 10:10 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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Thanks for the kind words!!
I've gotten those yummy treats at both whole food and good food. Whole food is a chain of health food grocery stores and the good food co is a local health food store. They are made by a beer company actually so if you have some fancy beer stores around that also carry chocolates, you could probably find them there. They are SO good!! Wicked Pete's chocolates, yummmmyyyy!!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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www.facebook.com/shell.marr
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Well, AF (aka your period!) arrived bright and early Saturday morning with lots of cramps to go along with it! I was cranky and not feeling well and Will had work to do, so I was a couch potato ALL day Saturday! Stayed in my pj's and even had a couple of glasses of wine with dinner!
Sunday, I was feeling a bit better so Will and I went to see Willy Wonka at the I-Max theather!! Thats one of those REALLY big screens, almost like 3-d, it was pretty cool!
It's Monday now and my tummy was in abit of a tizzy this morning, a little C from AF! Spent some time on the potty and feeling better now! I went in to the lab this monring for some more blood tests, a FSH level, its supposed to tell you the age and quanity of your eggs. I have my appt with the RE Wednesday at 8:15. Since my period started on a Saturday, I'll go in two weeks from then on Friday for the ultrasound and trigger injection, which means I'll ovulate late Saturday night into Sunday monring. Since the RE doesn't "do" weekends, I was told she will sometimes come in Saturday monring but not on Sunday, this means that I will miss my prime iui time. So, I guess that makes up my mind for me this month!! LOL!! I refuse to spend the money for a poorly timed iui, I'd rather just keep trying "the old fashion way!"
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today Michele! I'm also glad you were able to pamper yourself over the weekend! I'm sorry that you're not able to do the IUI thing this time around. Although, after all the yuck you've been through lately with this, I would think it would be a nice break... no injections and no appts, and no stress (well, not as much anyway). Good luck sweetie! Enjoy that "old fashioned" baby making!
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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- Jennifer
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Hi sweetie! I'm glad you're feeling better too. You sound better, even in your post!
Your Saturday sounds like my whole weekend! It's so hot, I literally watched tv almost the whole weekend...and I'm NOT a tv person. It made me ansy, but I didn't want to go anywhere!
Anyways, it sounds like you're doing the right thing. Hang in there!! <<Huge HUGS>> Love ya!
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~Cara~
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I'll basically just be doing the same thing as the last couple of months. I'm actually hoping the Re increases the femara as I only had one follicle last month and my progesterone is still running a bit low.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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