Kimm
#194566 - 07/12/05 10:09 AM
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Maybe you've become more of a buddy then a girlfriend? That can happen.
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Am I Crazy??
#194570 - 07/12/05 10:19 AM
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Kimm
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 1171
Loc: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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Thanks for the great advice. I agree with everything you're saying but for some reason there's still a part of me that's saying maybe this is just a tough time. Maybe if we stick this through then we'll come through it even stronger and more in love than ever.
The reason I say this is because we spent 2 1/2 years together before and then broke up (because I was confused about my feelings) and spent over a year apart. The entire year we were apart we spent the entire time thinking about each other. We both dated other people but always ended up wanting to be with each other. We finally got back together last summer and things have been amazing up until about a month ago when things started to change with him.
Up until a month ago we were both madly in love....the happiest couple ever. I just can't help thinking maybe this is a hard time we need to overcome together. I feel like maybe I shouldn't walk away when the going gets tough....you know?
Am I being delusional or do I have a point?
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Well, only you know your heart. If you're not ready to give up on him yet, then you're not. No matter what anyone else (or the logical parts of you) say. If sticking with it is what you want to do, than go for it.
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Boy, what a tough situation. On the one hand, I understand what you are saying, maybe he is just stressed over the new career and can't really make plans for the future. But than again, it concerns me that he says he can go days without seeing you and not even miss you. If Will had said that to me, it would have really hurt.
I don't think anyone can tell you the right answer, listen to your heart. You're still pretty young so take your time and think about it but be mindful of his actions once all this hoopla dies down. Hugs
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Do you choose to be committed to him? Do you believe he is worthy of that? Do you believe the relationship is worthy of that? Do you believe he would stick with you if the situation were reversed?
That's what love is. Choosing to commit and be there no matter what. But it DOES have to go both ways!
This is so hard and no one else can tell you what to do, but we're here for ya.
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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...commitment is great if it goes both ways. Si and I have had some really tough times, but we stuck together and are glad that we did. However, we also have the totally-crazy-about-each-other thing like Cara described. 
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Yeah, I agree about the commitment thing too, this is what I tried to tell my sister. My husband's not perfect, and neither am I. There are times when we can't stand each other. But we decided to be together forever, and we're stubborn enough to tough it out. It helps though, that we have life goals we've built together- we plan on having children soon, we own a house, we have four pets together. I don't know if we act all crazy in love (I don't get hidden post it love notes, that's for sure) but we hate being in different cities or separated for any long period of time...
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You love him! I know it's VERY hard.
I don't want to tell you what to do, you need to know in your heart. Of course you shouldn't walk away when the going gets tough - but this 'tough' part is differnet than say - one of you getting really sick or injured or something...this tough time is more about who you are, and who he is, and where you both want to end up....and it just seems like you are taking it more seriously!
It sounds like the second you mention leaving, he calls all the time and doesn't want to break up...he's not letting YOU do what you want...he wants to be in charge of who does what.
He sounds like a really good guy, that is just confused right now. What he's confused about is what frustrates me, because it sounds like it's something you would NEVER be confused about! It sounds like you really want him, and only him, for the long haul...but he just doesn't know about the future. I just don't see that as a good sign after that long of a relationship.
I feel like when you KNOW it's the one, there's no confusion. I would have married Justin a month after I met him because I was so sure, and so was he. I don't think you should have to wait for him to say, 'OK, NOW I'm ready to get married, be completely committed, etc' - because WHO KNOWS when that will be - and what if he never wants to be married, you never know....will you hate yourself for not trying to meet other people?
The other thing you really don't want to do is what one of my friends did...she gave her bf an ultimatum. She really wanted to be married and felt she was getting older, etc...so she told him that if he didn't propose by Dec.31st, she was out of there. Well, he proposed Dec. 31st...they were married in June, and divorced in September.... not that you would do that, I'm just saying -he needs to figure this out. It's just that to me, there should be nothing to figure out. He should already know.
Anyways, I hope I'm not sounding harsh or anything, I don't by any means mean to put him down or tell you what to do. I obviously don't know the whole story, and don't know him, etc. I just really really really suggest that if you have ANY feeling of doubt in your heart, break it off now and at least give yourself a few months to really think about the relationship.
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~Cara~
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I just hate that this is happening to you. In the end only you know what is best for you. Go with your gut instinct. From what I have read, your gut is telling you that things aren't right between the two of you which I have to agree with. Although he is just being honest, he has said some pretty hurtful things. Love doesn't hurt. I think that even if you take a break and things are truly meant to be, you will get back together again. You know, the third time is suppose to be the charm! Good luck, I'm hoping that things turn out okay.
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IBS-A, with bloating and gas as my predominant symptoms
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You're definitely not crazy...love makes us do things that would otherwise be considered illogical. Logic and emotions don't work together well!
For me, I know my husband had his doubts before we were engaged. To be honest, I don't even think HE could tell you why at this point. Every time we talked I went through this scene with him. Do you love me? Yes. Are you still attracted to me? Yes. Do you want to date other women? No. Is there someone else? No. Then what? I don't know.
It was SOO frustating, because I was SO sure of how I felt. At that time, I felt like I had to have confidence and faith enough for both of us. For some reason, I just believed that it would work out. Looking back now, I can only think part of it was he was recently out of college, working Full time for the first time in his life (he REALLY had it easy growing up), at a job that was awful and boring, and just going through some kind of personal crisis that led him to question things. I guess I'm glad he did, because once it was over, I felt totally secure.
So that's just one angle. But of course, my husband and you're guy aren't clones, so that doesn't mean the same thing would happen. I'm sure there are stories for both sides out there. You don't want to be hurt again, but you don't want to give up on something you believe in either.
I'm sure that didn't help any! I just know how you're feeling. I know it sucks. Do what you feel is right. No regrets.
Ginger
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