How to find a counsellor?
#186211 - 06/14/05 09:23 AM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Hi guys,
As most of you know from my last few posts, things haven't exactly been going my way lately. I am definitely not dealing with all of this well, and I think I should try once again to find someone to talk to.
I tried to talk to Adrian last night, but he just got upset and said he didn't want to talk because if we did, he'd say things that would upset me. So I said now he had to say... He said he felt alone here, that he might as well be alone, that I was never supportive of him, that he was completely drained, etc etc... He was so upset he was crying! I tried to tell him to leave me, but he wouldn't listen. He deserves so so so much better than me, he used to be so happy all the time and I have just ruined him. It is breaking my heart, I just want to be good for him and I guess I'm just not good enough.
So I really need someone to talk to.
I was going to go through school to get a counsellor, but I got rejected from school so that option is out. I saw that psychiatrist but he was awful, and I won't go back there.
Will I have to pay for counselling? Does anyone know how much it will cost? Where do I start trying to find one?
If I lose Adrian, I really don't know what I'll do. Right now I feel like if I lost the only good thing I have, I would just shrink away into nothing.
I definitely need some help.
Cheers, guys.
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Do you have a doctor up there? A regular doctor, I mean? That's how I'm about to find my new therapist - getting a recommendation from my new doctor.
I found my first therapist by going to a community mental health facility - basically, their shtick is that they give free mental health treatment, usually to homeless people. Because of the long waiting list for their services, they couldn't help me, but they were the ones who pointed me in the direction of my first therapist... and Medicaid, which has paid for the whole thing.
Anyway, just a couple ideas... good luck, Steph.  *hugs*
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As a now recipent of my masters degree in psychology and counseling (I still need my CAGS though) I can probably give you some hints.
1. I would adivse NOT trying to talk to a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists are great, but they are not couselors. Psychiatrists go to school and are taught the medical model.. they deal primarily with drugs and prescriptions, and are much less invested in the person and talking. Although it sucks that your psychiatrist was cold, its very common, because many feel as though it is not their job to listen, it's their job to figure out how to help you medically with drugs. (when they do deal with people its generally with extreme cases like schizophrenia, and mood disorders, rather than talking about things.)
2. Instead.. I'd try to turn to a pscyhologist, psychotherapist, or strictly a counselor. Basically, these three people do alot of the same things.. psychologists are more experienced with psychometrics and assessment, psychotherapists also generally handle more extreme cases and generally use strict methods (ie behavior therapy, cognitive therapy etc), and couselors are strictly counselors. I'm sure that any of the above would help.
3. Unfortunately.. therapy is generally very expensive if your healthcare doesn't cover it, or you dont' have college to pay for it (I know my college gives 8 free sessions etc). However, if you cant find one that you can afford you could always try a social worker, who are almost always much cheaper, and are also trained in counseling to some degree.
I was say call your regular doctor and ask who they refer.. or you could even call the health center of schools around you, tell them you are a student, uncomfortable talking with someone at school and ask who they reccomend for students outside of school that are cost effective. I know that I always have a list of outside referrals onhand incase I come across a case I simply can't handle, or am not experienced enough to help. So i'm sure that local schools around you would give you this information anonymously.
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oh and ps.. please ignore my crappy spelling if there is any.. I'm about to run off to group therapy class and health services to talk check out my fainting.. so i'm not proofreading. SORRY.
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Here in Ontario you can access one through your family Doc. That way you don't have to pay for it. Go see your family Doc.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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No practical advice from me on finding a counselor (I'll leave that to the other ladies who know better), but I just wanted to say....there is no way you could have "ruined" your boyfriend. We ALL have tough times....and people who love us just naturally become affected by that too. Making yourself happy and well will in turn make Adrian happy too. Believe me---I've been there. I'm happily married but that doesn't mean we haven't had our strained, emotional times (and Yes, I too have said....maybe you shouldn't have married me!)....but my husband convinced me that he just wanted us to be a good team again, and fill our lives with positivity.
And that's what you need too. And you CAN do that, and getting help is a responsible, smart idea. You've been under a lot of stress, you don't have a totally stable living arrangement (at least not one you like) and those are hard situations to build a life around. Once your world is stable, things will settle down, life will become more peaceful, and your relationship with Adrian will improve.
Don't beat yourself up, lady!!
Ginger
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Re: Stephie....
#186318 - 06/14/05 01:32 PM
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Dia
Reged: 02/04/05
Posts: 175
Loc: Tucson, AZ
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Hi Stephie,
I just wanted you to know that I've been reading your posts and my heart has been going out to you. But then I read all the great replies, like Ginger's here, and think that there's no way I could say things as eliquently.
But I should write anyway. I'm so sorry for all you're going through. Your dog, your job, your bf troubles, living with your partents (Gawd! That alone would drive me crazy!  )
But I KNOW things will get better and you can pull through this!
I, too, think seeing a couselor is a great idea. And I think Adrian is seeing all the wonderful things about you that you aren't seeing right now, and that's why he's not giving up on your relationship.
I hope everything starts getting better soo!
--Myra
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IBS-D
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