HUGS!!!
#184833 - 06/08/05 03:30 PM
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heather7476
Reged: 08/09/04
Posts: 2996
Loc: South East Michigan
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Honey I wish I could wave a magic wand over you and make it all better! BIg Hugs!!!
I Love You!!!!!
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Heather7476
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Ruchie..
#184840 - 06/08/05 04:28 PM
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bamagirl
Reged: 04/02/04
Posts: 1407
Loc: Alabama
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I'm glad you have your rabbi. Know that you are so loved by your Creator! Cling to Him! Call out to Him! You are gaining understanding...as in your other post....the storm is ending...HE is bringing you out for something special!!
I'm praying for you! If you ever need me...kimfurd@hotmail.com.
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God is Faithful!
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Ruchie!
#184846 - 06/08/05 04:49 PM
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Wow I feel like I've missed out on what's going on around here lately!
I'm sorry that you're going through such a rough time. You of all people deserve nothing but happiness. I really hope that this new therapist treats you like you deserve and isn't a jerk. Hang in there! You are a tough woman and just know that we ALL love you here and are cheering you on! Friends make great family. 
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My point was that maybe God does not want us to focus on "why" but on WHAT He can do with us now. I believe all things will be made clear in Heaven and some things He is gracious enough to make clear now. But I still question many things even from my own life and I do not believe I suffered anywhere near what you have, still the affects are there and I believe kept me "bound" and dead inside for a long time. I believe my process of growth and letting go had a lot to do with me being willing to let Him be God over all that I did not understand - just trust all that with Him and not feel the need to have all the answers, but to rest and enjoy His love and know that it is unconditional because He sees me as His precious child in Christ. There is nothing I can do to impress Him more and there is nothing I can do to take His love away. This may differ in our faiths but the Christian life is not supposed to be about performance, though SO MANY have made it about that. It is not how strong your faith is that makes the difference. I believe my turning point came when I realized how WEAK my faith was and how FRAGILE and UGLY inside I was and that EVEN THEN, in that place when all I felt was sorry for myself and alone despite all the blessings in my life, in THAT moment God spoke His love to me ... and I knew that it had never been about me earning His love or trying to make up for my shame. It had always been a gift and He was crazy about me because I was "in Christ" and old things had passed away, all things had become NEW.
Don't know if this makes since and sure it's more religion than many care to read about but I can't hold back, my life is changed and some days are still hard and dark inside and I feel like I can't stop crying even amidst all that's good and beautiful. But on those days, rather than will myself to overcome, I just let myself feel what I feel and fall to His feet asking for Him to live through me because I know I am helpless on my own. He is faithful!!
Take care my friend, I am praying for you!
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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Hi Ruchie,
Please feel better soon Hang in there and know we're thinking about you. Sorry that you're having such a rough time 
Kelly
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You said exactly what I was thinking! You are so eloquent and poetic.
Thank you for sharing!
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Have a blessed day!...Rachel
stable and sooooooo thankful!
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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You know by my emails that I am really struggling with my relationship with God right now. I too question why He would let me suffer with such pain...so great at times that I pray for Him to take me home where He promises there will be no more pain.
His reasoning is difficult to understand. Thanks for sharing your beliefs with us. I need to hear this often in order to finally let go...I'm still not there.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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My aunt always told me that sometimes when G-d closes a door, He opens a window. Sometimes when I have flashbacks, I think it's the window of time.
1. BREATHE!!! This is crucial. In fear we constrict. Please breathe as deeply as possible. Know that help will find you and that hope will lift you up. You will fly, you will float, you will swim. In pain and crisis, even in retrospect we are stunned. When we see the shadows of time and ouselves we dig holes and hide to stay safe. Just know that with help, assistance, love, creativity and sensitivity you will not be stalked by the past. Therapy will give you the metaphoric SWORD to deal with the daily demons, i.e. the flashbacks, the triggors, the nightmares, the unguarded moments, the things most people take for granted. I have faith in you, Ruchie. I will light a candle for you tonight.
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You are in my thoughts - I am thinking about you! You will be ok - I felt much the same as you before I started therapy, but my therapist gave me an emergency number to assist with any troubles I had before I was able to get into her. I know it's on June 20th and that doesn't sound like too far away - but sometimes two weeks can seem like a year. See if you can call your therapist or a help line to talk until then.
I mean, we are all here for you - but sometimes it is more beneficial to talk to a professional who can help you immediately.
Good luck hon! I will be thinking about you - feel free to email me anytime.
I'm sorry I haven't been around much I have been busy with work and my store - but I have been thinking about you and want you to know I am more than happy to reply to any emails you send me. I'm here for you.
And judging from alll your replies - you aren't alone!!!
Huge HUGS!!!! 
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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Michelle,
Thank you so much for explaining this to me! Our faiths might be different...but they have many similarities...
My Rabbi left me a message and said I should pray to G-d to help me. I could hear in my Rabbi's voice that he feels my pain and suffering...
YES exactly! I don't see the light. I'm very dark inside. Can He really love me in this darkness? Truly? I hope so! I wil pray to G-d that He should love me even though I don't love myself...
I'm scared it will happen again. This is my lot in life. Being abused was my lot in life. Maybe it still is? It makes me not want to leave the house...but I must say I am terrified even in my own (home?)...this new apartment. It is very scary as I begin to have flashbacks...ones where I feel things...
I want to be close to G-d desperately! My husband and I gave up all we could for him to learn in Yeshiva (seminary). I hope that He will hear me and comfort me and love me...I have no parents or in-laws. The only "parental" figure I can ever have will be G-d. Maybe that is how He wants it?
Thank you for praying for me. I blieve it is the prayers of everyone here that is keeping me alive.
Michelle...I truly love you!!! You're such a gift in my life *hugs* In ALL of our lives! May G-d bless you with only good things and may you and your family be HAPPY, HEALTHY, snd SAFE always!
Love Ruchie
P.S. Who is to say if what I went through is worse? Please don't say that....do not minimize your pain! *hugs*
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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