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awww Ruchie! It is horrible to 'see' you this way, I wish you lived closer, like on the east coast, so I could come over and cheer you up... you still amaze that even through your rough times you are still alive and kicking, you WILL get better sweetie! You are such a strong person, and you are only gonna get stronger.
have you done any paintings yet?
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-Sheri
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Well, my body wants to cry, I am holding it in so I can respond...
Thank you for your words. I believe that, yes, these people sinned and they will have to suffer for their actions. But that is not my concern...
See, G-d wouldn't have allowed it to happen if I didn't DESERVE it. He would have stopped it. Isn't that the truth? If something bad is supposed to happen, the person that does it IS RESPONSIBLE. And the person it HAPPENS TO is having their soul cleansed by their suffering. Isn't that correct?
So I MUST have done something or I wouldn't need my soul cleansed...
So hard to face...
I hope I'm not offending you?
*hugs*
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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I don't mean to get into a theological discussion here but I do not at all believe this is true. You did nothing wrong. There is a story in the Bible about Jesus coming upon a man who had been blind from birth. The disciples asked who had sinned, he or his parents? They wanted to know the WHY. Jesus said neither... He was not concerned with explaining the "why" to them, our minds can never comprehend the why, we are not God... but He wanted to show them the HOW - what He could do with such things. He healed the man and changed his life. Look to the future, not the past. Look to how you can live your life from now on!
big big hugs....
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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Ruchie
#184792 - 06/08/05 01:47 PM
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Tissy
Reged: 07/15/04
Posts: 773
Loc: Baltimore, MD
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Remember when I e-mailed you about how I struggled with the WHY? of my grandfather's death and was bitter at G-D for years over it. And then my pastor did a sermon on how sometimes G-D says Yes, sometimes NO, and sometimes wait to our prayers. And that we may never know the why of everything. Like why there is disease and world hunger, etc.
Well I believe that he hears your prayers for healing and that he will answer them soon. But maybe for a purpose beyond our understanding he is telling you to wait. And I believe that you are such an inspiration to others that have been abused and maybe you wouldn't be such an inspiration if you too hadn't felt the pain of abuse and didn't know exactly what they were going through. But whatever the WHY of your abuse it is not b/c you deserved it. You did nothing wrong!
You are a GOOD person!!
Christie
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Christie
~Hoping and Praying for Sleep!~
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No offense taken. I don't believe that it is your soul that is cause for someone else to sin though. God uses situations good and bad for correction, but not always. I don't know all of the details of your situation, but understand enough to think a lot of this is from your childhood. I just can't see any of this being your fault!
I think God has drawn you to Himself...OUT OF this situation, and that is for HIS GLORY and YOUR GOOD! That is why I think you can just praise HIM for that and believe that He is busy in your life preparing you for something special that will only glorify Him even more! You are a bright and shining testimony of His love, His mercy, His grace because you love Him, you seek Him, your life just shines! No Ruchie, I don't think God is chastening you. He will chasten those others, but He is molding you into something extra special!! You are a gem!!
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God is Faithful!
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He said that it is NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT my fault.
I wish I could believe it.
I want to believe that G-d loves me! That this is for the good.
I was abused ages 5-21...emotionally, sexually, and pysically (most emotional and sexual). Emotionally all the way to 26 (I am now 26).
My Rabbi said that my job is to embrace the way He created me, the cirumstances that He imposed upon me.
I said I can't. My Rabbi told me to TRY. I said I can do that. I feel like only VERY RIGHTEOUS people are on such a level to have such faith. Sometimes I feel G-d is testing me as a righteous person...I often wish He wouldn't...
Maybe you are right bamagirl? Maybe I am "special" in His eyes? BUT I will only be okay if I keep faith and if I PASS this test.
I need a LOT of support, that's for sure!
Christie...you are right. Maybe He is saying "wait". I am guessing He is saying "I want you close to ME...and you are not praying to Me...". I need to be abel to trust Him again!!!
Michelle, I'm not sure I understand the story you wrote of? Can you exaplin it furhter?
Thank you for being so open with me everyone! And for caring enough to write...
Love, Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Not to disagree with your Rabbi. I agree you should accept the way God created you. You should also accept the circumstances dealt you in life. That does NOT mean that you have to blame yourself for what has happened. You can accept that God even allowed this to happened to you. But God loves you and will help you heal. He will be with you through this painful time and help you through it. And maybe there is a reason for it all. Maybe you will go on to become a sexual abuse counsellor for small children. You'd be amazing at it. You've already got the teaching background. Who knows? All I know is that there will be some good to come out of the bad. It's hard to see when you're hurting so much right now, but you will be a better person having gone through this. I don't know how. You won't know either till you go through it. Trust in God. Have faith in His love. His love is unfailing, unending, and all encompassing. He will not desert you in this time of need. Turn to Him. For love. For comfort. For strength. You WILL get through this.
Love you bunches,
Alicia.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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The wolrd is a place of suffering...World Hunger, etc.
BUT
I think what I have forgotten is all the beauty.
My husband. My IBS family. My dog. Art. Nature. A person (she shall remain nameless), that e-mailed me and has given of herself and shared herself with me (a fellow victim), herbs and spices/cooking, there's much more...
It's not ALL bad!
Sometimes I forget that. When I am having flashbacks, when I'm too scared to leave the house. It all seems hopeless and like life isn't worth living. Sometimes I wish I'd never been created.
I feel like maybe something huge and heavy is being lifted off my back. Like there's been a storm for the past 26 years and now it is lifting. LONG storm huh? 
Maybe if I can hold on to this...maybe I will smile for the 1st time in my life. The smile of someone that has suffered but is not in prison anymore.
I know I could be raped again. I KNOW. I know bad things can still happen.
But so can good things.
Maybe I will get a nature CD to remind me of our old house...crickets and hooty birds. Maybe hubby will surprise me with some flowers. Maybe not. But at least I can dream and HOPE...
I have HOPE!
Thank you (starting to cry again)
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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You're saying JUST what my Rabbi said Alicia *hugs*
I think that all the prayers and love on these boards is showing me more and more each day that I am loved, worth loving, worth being created, and that there IS good in the world. Maybe there wasn't much till I met hubby...but there is RIGHT NOW AT THIS MOMENT!
Thank you Alicia for not giving up on me *hugs*
All the love that you have shown me should return to you times a zillion!!!!
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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