SEX and IBS, IBD
#182871 - 06/02/05 09:13 AM
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While this is VERY embarrassing I need to ask. Do you find that it is hard or impossible to reach orgasm? Do you think it's related to the bowel problems? I personally have NEVER had anything even close to an orgasm and it really sucks. I love my husband but hate having sex. This may or may not be related to IBD (IBS), I don't know, but I'm desperate for answers. Any ideas?
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Patricia Buzo
IBS-C and Crohn's Disease
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Well any stress that prevents you from "letting go" can cause issues with orgasming...and worrying about a painful tum or gas could be enough....and then you could get into *bad* habits.
PS. Have you tried "toys"?
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I am going through fertility issues and have to have sex timmed. This has been going on for over a year now. Its getting very old!  A good lubricant will help, I have to use a special one called pre-seed because of the fertility but I used to use Astrogluide. Also, don't be afraid to try new positions. Talk to your hubby and let him know. Maybe you could go shopping together for a new adult video or some toys!
I know when my tummy is upset, I'm just so not in the mood but I don't think there are any actual physical connections between IBS and lack of orgasim/sex drive. Through my fertility research, I have come across the fact the manty times women with low sex drive are lacking in progesterone. So if nothing else works, maybe ask your doctor about it! 
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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ditto on the toys. *blush* someone gave me my first vibrator back 'in the day' and that's how i taught myself to have orgasms. from then on, it was fairly easy to have them with a partner.
btw, i'm sure you're aware that a large percentage of women simply don't/ won't ever have orgasms from vaginal sex....alone. oral or manual (or adding those in) is the ticket. i wouldn't (and i didn't) sweat not acheiving orgasm vaginally. it's no big whoop, and if it came up, well that would be some macho man 'issue.' not my problem. on to the next man!
i never had any sex issues with ibs other than, as stated, if i felt sick, and, of course, that would include other kinds of feeling sick. altho it never happened to me, if any man ever insisted on sex when i was physically ill, well, that's considered a form of abuse....plain & simple.
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Well I feel very uncomfortable using props, and we have tried many many other things. It's hard to tell him what to do since I don't know myself. I've never been one to "do it myself". I could try (and I have briefly) but I feel so uncomfortable it doesn't work. Now this is gonna get personal, but I do get quite strong sensations from dreams, it wakes me up. I'm so embarrassed about all of this.
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Patricia Buzo
IBS-C and Crohn's Disease
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Don't be embarrassed! If you can't please yourself, how do you expect your man how to do it??  Put the embarrassing feelings aside and order a dildo or vibrator. Wait until you have some time alone, turn off the phone, have a glass of wine if it helps you relax and expirement! Once you "learn" how to orgasm, it will be eaiser.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Don't feel embarrassed! I was 41 before I had my first orgasm, and I wish I had the freedom to learn about all the tricks and dildos etc. there is today at your age.
Do whatever it takes, but experience it now, and enjoy the rest of your life!! I do know from experience that when you wake with those "hot" dreams, it would be a good time to wake hubby or to experiment with yourself. A vibrating hand held shower is a good way to experiment privately too!
Have fun.......relaxing is the key.....
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ok, the hand-held shower reminded me: lie down in the bath with 'youself ' propped up under the faucet. that'll do the trick and maybe not feel so much like a DYI.
now don't laugh too hard  , but i had a galfriend who swore by 'leaning into' the (running) washing machine.
agree, if you don't know, how can you expect your guy to? so try hard to screw up your courage, take the plunge, and one day this problem will be just a fading memory. i've always been a fairly uptight person, so if i can do it, so can you. i have faith in you!
p.s. my ex-husband was the most fabulous, intuitive lover i've ever had...but even he wasn't a mind reader!
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If you're too embarrassed to DIY have you tried experimenting with DH? Get some inspiration from the net or books and get HIM to try doing all sorts of things. I'm not one for "toys" either, but have you tried umm, stimulating yourself in the upper half during sex? I can't ummm "have one" unless this is happening Most women can't orgasm on sex alone so don't be embarrassed. (((((hugs))))))) Hope this has been at least a little helpful.
On the IBS front, I find if I'm in pain or not feeling 100% sex can make cause me pain, or sometimes if I'm feeling like rubbish or worried about gas the psychological things going on in my head can prevent orgasm from happening.
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Amy
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'do it yourself' LOL
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I'd second (or third or fourteenth... lol) what others have said here: one, no need to be embarassed at all! And two, you probably need to spend some good 'alone time'.
Really, you kind of need to 'teach yourself' to have an orgasm - it may sound a little weird, but take a few hours to yourself - bathtub or bed or wherever, candles, lock the doors, turn off the phones etc... You can get so relaxed that you aren't worried about whether you'll come or not, or about all those other things we tend to worry about during sex (but really shouldn't!!!) You can also 'feel yourself out' so to speak... try a million different things and get to know what feels good, what doesn't feel so good, and what feels down right GREAT I honestly believe that masturbation is the key to having really great sex - so it makes me so sad to hear that so many women don't do it! And now with so many places to buy toys and stuff on the internet, there's no stress at all about walking into a sex shop and maybe being seen by someone you know, etc... just order one online and it'll come in an unmarked package. Just a peice of plastic (and hours of solo entertainment... plus vibrators are a GREAT accessory for partner sex too).
OK I'm done rambling for now. I hope this helps some - and helps you to feel less embarassed about all this. Really, there's no need to feel embarassed - so many women are in the same place as you. Embracing your sexuality and all that will only help you find pleasure in all the right ways... lol Ok ok I'm done...
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I found this and thought it looked interesting. What do ya'll think? http://www.bettersexthroughyoga.com/home.html
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Patricia Buzo
IBS-C and Crohn's Disease
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...but getting to know yourself is so important! And toys can be so useful and fun...Until you've tried a vibrator, there's no way you can know what you're missing...definitely the quickest way to O!  In my experience, men love playing too.
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I know she was involved with some sort of yoga that was actually supposed to help sexual pleasure (NOT the reason she was going yoga, tho! Important to mention!). 
I think it was called kundalini yoga! You might want to do a google search on it if you're interested! 
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