I said I wouldn't but I can't help it....
#153508 - 02/24/05 02:07 AM
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I feel so totally awful today. That's why I am up at 5am and not sleeping in my bed like most people are.
The break up went so much worse than I could have ever imagined. He is devastated and feels so very alone. I feel so terrible like I have ruined his entire life.
We talked about our problems and I told him how sad and so hurt the things that he's done have made me feel. He explained that they were all done because he didn't feel like I loved him and that he was always second best. He admits taking me for granted too. I feel so torn. After hearing him admit to everything that's been a huge problem I don't now what to feel? Releived that he admits it?
We went through a list of all our belongings. We agreed on who gets what.
He never yelled at me or called me names. He said that he would never do that anymore.
I don't know what to do. I feel so incredibly lost and so sad.  And I can't stop crying. I have no idea how I'll get through today and tomorrow of work. He has taken the next few days off as he's too much of a mess to go into work. His dad and a good friend came over yesterday to try and comfort him. he also sent an email off to all our friends with the news that we have broken up but neither of us want to talk about it and that they all give us space right now. 
I knew this would not be easy but this is pretty much HELL!
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oh tina.....
#153509 - 02/24/05 02:14 AM
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Natalie1985
Reged: 08/09/04
Posts: 1329
Loc: UK - Leeds for uni, Merseyside for home!
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Im so sorry,
I wish I knew what to say to make you feel beter about everything but Ive never been in your situation so I really wouldnt even want to start. I can completely understand why you're feeling the way you are though cos you were expecting the yelling and arguing and the way he has taken it has probably made you feel guilty....honestly though you shouldnt. This is a decision that you have spent a long long time considering....its not just overnight that you've decided to end things and after all the advice everyone has given you here I know that its the right thing for you to do. Dont feel guilty for trying to make yourself happier...its your life and you can only do what feels right. I know thats not exactly gona make you feel much better about it all....just want you to know that you're in my thoughts and Im sending lots of hugs your way (((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
--------------------
 Natalie
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Thanks Natalie.
I have to remind myself of my reasons and not give in to feeling sorry for him. I'm just such a sensitive person that seeing him so upset is VERY hard. I expected his reaction to yell scream and call me names. I'd rather that as it would make it easy to leave. The way he's being is making it MUCH HARDER to leave.
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Tina
#153520 - 02/24/05 04:05 AM
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Aww Tina I'm so sorry this is so rough. I agree with what Natalie said though, that this wasn't a spur of the moment decision, you really really thought this out and you know it was the right thing to do and still is. I also have never been in this situation so I can't really relate and tell you what to do, but it will get easier, and just because he can admit to his problems doesn't mean he'll ever change. You are going to be so much happier in the long run and you are a beautiful and funny person that was being way too under-appreciated and loved, and you'll find someone that makes you want to spend every day with them and that you love more than yourself.
Take care and good luck making it through the next month.
Big big big hugs and I'll definitely be thinking about you!
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Thanks Brittany,
I needed that reminder that this has been coming for years. It's not something I did on impulse.
I am looking forward to spending time with a new guy that will treat me well and appreciate me.
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Tina
#153522 - 02/24/05 04:20 AM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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I have to agree with Brittany - this wasn't a spur of the moment decision, it's something you gave a lot of thought to, and even though you're both upset, it's STILL the right decision.
Trust me, you haven't ruined his life. He'll be fine. And the fact that he's admitting where he's been wrong does NOT mean he'll ever change, so don't be tempted to change your mind... trust me on this one too. 
Hang in there. You have my email if you need to talk. You'll be fine. *big hugs*
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Casey
#153528 - 02/24/05 04:42 AM
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Thanks Casey. I will NOT change my mind. He is doing his best to make me feel awful and sorry for him though. He is no longer my responsibility. I need to remember that.
I just wish we didn't have another month of living together. That will be torture.
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Oh Tina, I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time I wish I had some great pearls of wisdom for you but I really don't, I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you and I know you'll get through this.
Try and hang in there, hopefully work will help you get your mind off things and give you a bit of a mental break
Keep us posted,
Kelly
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I'm so sorry you're hurting. Remember, you're doing the right thing. Of course you feel bad. You've been with him for 10 years! It's going to take some time. Give yourself a break and don't beat yourself up. You've done the right thing. That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.
Hugs, Han.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Oh Tina! Sorry I didn't have a chance to email you yet, been so busy!
Sounds like this will be a very tough time for you. But it is one month, even though it will feel like an eternity, once it is over it is over.
It is actually good that you are upset about this, it shows you that you are human. He probably didn't see this coming, even though he should have, and especially these first couple of days will be the toughest for him, but he is going to start to feel better, probably after you move out.
If he meant what he said about feeling "second best", then this breakup really is in his best interests, too, he needs to find someone he feels loves him "first best". He will come around eventually, although you are so spectacular that I am sure that you are not one lady that is easy to get over! 
Good luck with everything.
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-Sheri
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Quote:
The way he's being is making it MUCH HARDER to leave.
Oh Tina, I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. Please though keep in mind that the wounded dog act is totally part of the manipulator personality. I'm sure he's sincerely upset and hurt to be losing you -- who wouldn't be? But the fact that he's being so calm instead of throwing things is one last ditch effort to make you think you'd be crazy to give up on him.
You are doing the right thing. Time will show you that. Good luck with everything. I've been there too.
Panda
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Ugh...
#153562 - 02/24/05 06:30 AM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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I know that feeling. When my ex-husband and I split up, long story short, I didn't have anywhere to go immediately, so we ended up living together from June till November. That was horrible, and we even split mutually on reasonably good terms.
Like I said, my inbox is always open if you need me... and hang in there, I know it sucks.
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I'm sorry its getting so hard tina.. it will get easier. The first few days are the hardest...
Also.. you said you felt bad for him and you don't know what to do.. think of it in reverse.. Would you want someone to make up with you and get back together with you cause they feel bad for you? heck no.. cause they love you and can't live without you is a much better reason.
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I'm so sorry, this is just a tough situation any way you look at it. I agree with the other though. This was not an impulse decision and the problems have been ongoing for years. He is NOT going to change. You have to stay strong. As much as it may hurt, make a list of all the bad things about the relationship and keep it near by. When you feel weak or start to question your leaving him, read it. You will be much happier in the long run. Be strong and get through the next month. Try to keep your time with him to a minimum, hard to do when you still have to live with him. Make plans to be out with friends more. Go to the library. Take a class or go to the gym more. Be civil at home but try to keep contact to a minimum. You CAN do this, it will be hard but you can do it! Stay strong! Think positive. Look to the future! Big hugs!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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First of all....you have not ruined his entire life!!! Don't ever blame yourself!! This breakup is simply your reaction to his actions....and that's not your fault.
Second....don't cave on this one. I know it's hard and you might desperately feel like you want to give in because you feel so bad for him, but I'm willing to guess that he'd say just about anything to you right now in order to keep you with him....even if that means admitting he's wrong. Chances are, he'll go back to his same bad habits if you cave....so stay strong!! People don't change over night.
It's going to be hard living with him for the next month until you move out....but you can do it. Is there a friend you could stay with for a little while...even if it's just a week or so to let him cool down. There's got to be someone!!!
Stay strong....we're all here for you *HUGS*
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Hi Tina!
#153581 - 02/24/05 07:35 AM
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RachelT
Reged: 07/01/04
Posts: 2350
Loc: Minnesota
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I'm sorry your break-up didn't go so well... breaking up is hard to do! It's unfortunate though that he took it so bad. I'm wondering Tina, do you still feel like you did the right thing? What I mean is, are you comfortable with it, even though it was hard?
This may or may not help you, but reading your post today reminded me of the one and only time I broke up with someone (which hardly ever happened because I was always on the receiving end of break-ups) that ended on a bad note... Because of his mental abuse, I dread the day that I see him again. I had pushed it so far deep into my mind that I had forgotten about it when you had posted your plans for your break-up...
I was dating this guy who was the most controlling, self-centered, egotistical jerk I had ever met. Not to mention the fact that he was a complete idiot and thought of himself as a genius! We had only dated for 6 months, but I knew that I couldn't live with him for the rest of my life let alone another minute and that breaking up was gonna be difficult, because I knew he would cry and blame everything on me. When the time came, he cried like a baby and I left him feeling like I had been punched in the gut. As hard as it was, I took comfort in the fact that it was the best thing I could have done for myself. If it wasn't for the fact that he owed me a ton of money, of which I had to take legal action to get posession of, I would have walked away from him and never looked back.
It was difficult at first, but each day got a little easier. To my surprise, my perseverance paid off later that year when I met Eric, who turned out to be my soul mate.
I realize you've been with this guy for a really long time and I know you're hurting right now and that's normal, but it will get easier Tina. Just take each day one at a time.
HUGS!
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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Ahhhh, Tina
#153589 - 02/24/05 08:01 AM
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BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
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you knew this would be hard. You are grieving for what you have lost, but you have to look forward to your future---and do what's best for you in the long run.
Give it time. Maybe with time you will feel differently. I know that's easy for me to say because I'm not dealing with this.
Take a deep breath, do anything you can to keep busy and keep your mind off of this, and hopefully, you will begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Can you call some friends (not mutual ones) to keep you busy this weekend? Do something fun that you haven't done in a long time. Pamper yourself! Discover the YOU you haven't felt in a long time.
I'll keep you in my prayers. I know it's hard, but be strong. We're all here for you.
((((Big hugs)))))
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We had a big talk today and he has agreed that it is for the best. I'm ok and very excited about the future now. Life is great again!!!!!!!
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That's so great that he agrees with you! What a relief. And confirms that you did make the right decision after all.
Also, more likely that he will not be so difficult to live with the next month, hopefully.
PS, Is it okay to mention him on the boards or should I delete this?
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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But I wanted to say I rad the entire thread and THANK G-d! I'm so thrilled for you Tina! You deserve a wonderfully happy life. Now go out there and get it...it's waiting for you *hugs*
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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It's ok now Beth.
Thanks.
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I will be ok. I think I will have to start packing this weekend. I was going to see my parents but they won't be supportive and that's the last thing I need right now. He'll be away all day on saturday and at work from 8am -8pm on Sunday. He'll be out on Friday night too.
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Rachel
#153711 - 02/24/05 12:09 PM
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I am 100% sure of my decision, yes.
One of the things keeping me somewhat positive is that now I am free to find Mr. Right. I am no longer stuck with this guy that did not treat me right.
Sorry about your situation. I am so glad you met a wondersful man though.
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Kim
#153712 - 02/24/05 12:12 PM
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I am sticking with my decision, don't worry. He can't convince me to stay with him. No way.
He is much calmer today. He spent the whole day drinking yesterday to "stay calm" as he put it. He hasn't drank today and his dad is giving him some good advice on how to act. His dad is telling him to respect my decison and to support me any way he can.
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Thanks Sheri.
I think it's good that he knows that a lot of why this relationship didn't work is his fault. He is only now realizing how terrible he was to me. Good. He needs to see that and be very ashamed. But it's too late.
Time will make things easier. I can't wait to move out though.
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Casey
#153717 - 02/24/05 12:17 PM
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That must have been hard for you.
I think I am doing better now and will just get stronger as time goes by. I am so glad I did this and stuck to my decision. He made it VERY hard for me and asked me so many times if I was sure. He wanted me to tell him I changed my mind. But I couldn't and won't.
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Well, you did it. It isn't surprising that the reaction wasn't violent consternation but sadness, apologies, promises to change- which of course makes it harder, doesn't it? Yup, been there. It's because he may be dysfunctional, but he loves you. But guess what? that isn't enough.
Of course, it won't change, but you know that. I'm so glad as I read your post that you're not backing down off your decision to leave the relationship; but I'm not sure what there is to feel right now, relief that he admits it? Don't know, and I don't know if that'd be helpful anyway. Don't tell yourself what to feel, just feel whatever you feel, don't fight it, don't pretend you don't feel it.
And remember that it won't last forever. It'll be done and you'll feel better and be glad you did it.
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I'm glad it all worked out in the end Tina. It's only natural to feel sad at the end of any relationship let alone one you've been in for so long. Allow yourself the time you need to be sad and I'm glad that you are feeling positive about the future.
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Amy
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His reaction is making it hard. I do realize that he still loves me even though he rarely showed me.
I am counting the days until I move out! Living with him is so hard as he keeps crying so much.
29 days to go!
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He agrees but still goes into sad mode very often. it's so hard!!
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Just wanted to check in. Is he still sobbing away or is he much calmer? He needed this not only for YOu but for HIM. Now that he knows he has iddues maybe he will solve them and be a much better fit for his next relationship. I am glad you will not be hurt by anymore.
So what are your plans for Pamper Friday? anything fun for the weekend? Enjoy packing....every time you pack something up you are one ste closer to packing up your life and beginning anew!
I'm so EXCITED for you!!!!!!!!! Wooohoooo!
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Tina,
Living with him must be so hard! When I broke up with my boyfriend, I moved back to my parents house, but he would call me and cry every day. It was so hard, because like you, I am super sensitive, and felt so bad. I knew deep down it was for the best, but there were times that I wanted to take him back because I felt so bad for him. It is hard to make someone that you love so upset, but I had to keep telling myself that I knew we were not meant to be together. Hang in there, it does get easier. And yes, I moved on to find Mr. Right, and I am sure you will too.
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I haven't seen him today. YAY to that! Lots of email though. BOO to that! I was at work all day and he's out for a while tonight.
I just got off the phone with my mom. I fianlly told her that I broke up with him. She is in shock and made me feel like I just gave away a million dollars. She kept asking me how on earth I can afford to live alone. And what would I furnish my place with? Needles to say, I didn't ask her for any financial help as she would have said no.
She's NEVER given me support in anything I've ever done. When I started school for graphics she frowned and told me that it would be a huge waste of money. Same with when I went to school for social work. They only support things that are their ideas or something.  My dad's just as bad.
I feel 100% confident about my decision and now she has me feeling like I just killed someone. Why does she always do that to me???
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Oh mom's just worry I think! I know it's a horrible way of showing it but I'm sure she's just very sad for you and will worry now that you'll be on your own! She'll get over it. Ughhh does she not think that this was something that you've thought and planned out? Why would you do it if you couldn't afford it? Yes, whatever it takes, don't ask her for any financial support (even though you said she won't give you any). That's the last thing you need is for her to say, told ya so!
Hang in there, you have one more month to go? Whatever you do, stick by your decision. It must be hard to have to still live with him. I'm glad that he's agreed though that it's better for you both.
Here's to the new life!!!!!!
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~~~Lisa~~~
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I know she's just shocked and upset. But it's my life and she should let me make my own decisions. he never even liked my parents. I should tell her that!
I didn't ask her for money. She would never offer and I am not going to beg. I just found out that I am getting a raise at work and will make and extra 8.5% more money. YAY! I didn't tell her that as she didn't even give me a chance. She couldn't get off the phone soon enough!
It's hard enough as it is, I really don't need this extra guilt right now.
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Stand Firm, SS!
#154243 - 02/25/05 04:24 PM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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I was born in 1944. I was raised with two brothers, and times were VERY different back then: boys went to college, girls learned how to keep homes for those boys when they graduated. I wanted to go to college, but my parents, while telling me they couldn't afford it, sent both my brothers. My older brother went to Brown, then Stanford; my younger brother went to Oklahoma -- for TEN YEARS! Meanwhile, I lived at home, got a job, and PAID RENT to my parents!
Thankfully, times have changed. I was born too young -- and to the wrong parents.
SS, you stand firm on what you want in this life, because if you don't, no one is gonna stand up FOR you! I made my way ON MY OWN, with absolutely no help whatsoever from my parents, and I'm damn proud of it. When I got married, they couldn't even give me away, their only daughter! I gave myself my wedding. I'm proud of that too, and ashamed of my parents.
My younger brother, who was doted on and given more college than he ever wanted, at age 56, is still fumbling through life. On the other hand, I have done quite well, supporting myself and being a responsible person. I'm better off now than my parents or brothers ever were.
SS, like you, I'm 100% confident about your decision. It's the right one, because it's for YOU, what YOU want, not what someone else tells you you want. You don't need their support; believe me, if I can make it on my own, YOU CAN TOO. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about here.
YOU GO, GIRL!
Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Oh man, that's so awful of your mom to act that way with you. At least you can rest assured knowing that you definitely made the right decision. You are also going to be quite fine on your own and she should shutup when she sees that.
Big hugs and glad to hear that life is better!!
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Sorry you're having a hard time with your mum right now. I'm sure she doesn't mean to be unsupportive, maybe what she wants to say was coming out the wrong way (or maybe not, obviously I don't know her so I can't judge). Big hugs. I'm sure in the future she'll see how happy you are and know that you made the right decision for you. What's right for you isn't always right for your parents.
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Amy
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I agree 100%, though my life story is totally different. I was raised to take care of the men in the house, until the women rights movement came along and my mama got liberated!
Yeah !!!!!!
Anyway, at 48, I wish I had stood up to my dad, when my children were young and I wanted to go back to school. He laughed at me, told me I would never make it. I listened to him......what a mistake I made by doing that! I love my life, I have been blessed abundantly, mostly I have no regrets, except for listening to him............
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Tina-
Haven't had a lot of time lately to post, but I have kept up a bit with what has been going on and I just wanted to say hang in there and I know you did the right thing. As for your mom she is probably just worried about you, so take it in stride. I hope you are getting some chance to enjoy your new single life!!!
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Hey tina,
God its so frustrating when people say things at the worst of times just to make you feel like you're the bad one in all this I know Ive been there sooooo many times....as if you havent been thinking about this decision for ages now....all you need when you're going through this difficult time is lack of support from people you care about. I would be fuming too....why does life have to be so complicated hey....I never can understand why people cant just accept decisions you make and understand that your point of view isnt always gona be the same as theirs....Im sure your parents mean well....parents always do I know....just sometimes they look at stuff from their perspective and not yours....I think maybe you should really discuss this properly in person with your mum and tell her how hard its been for you.....Im sure she'll understand if she hears more of the full story.
Hope things get better....dont let her get you feeling down...you've made the right decisions for you....what other people think of them isnt the most important thing.....stay strong.....the more you think about what she said the more its gona stress you out!
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Natalie
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Just wanted to say how fantastic your post was....I am 20 and went to an all girls school...taught mainly by feminists hence the reason I am one and I have sooooo much respect for all the women who stood up to men and got to where we are today....I love learning about all that stuff and your story is just so great. Good on you for doing what YOU wanted and making something of yourself that is such a fantastic thing to have achieved....I feel proud of you and Ive never even met you.....I love powerful women!!!! WELL DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Natalie
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I just have to forget about her opinion and do what's best for me. I hope she calms down in a few days and realizes hwo hard this has all been for me.
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Tina..sorry its taken me a while to read this post - my parents were here visiting....huge huge congratulations on walking away from this relationship - there is something sooo much better out there for you - you are gorgeous and successful and wonderful and don't ever forget it. you are so inspiring and strong - what you have done is not easy....I am so happy for you!! :-)
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Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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Thanks you SO MUCH Bev. Can you be my adopted mom. You're so great. I really needed to hear such supportive words from a wise woman who is a strong lady! I respect you so much and your words mean a lot to me.
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Yeah, I hope she sees the light. I am enjoying my single life, Thank you. I will enjoy it WAY more when I have my own place though.
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Oh thanks for those kind words Dalia. I know there's someone WAY better already out there for me.
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Wow, you're getting to sound more like me all the time (or is it that I'm like you?). My relationship with my mother has been the bane of my adult life. Everyone around her thinks she's the sweetest, kindest woman- except me! She'll bend over backward for anyone else, but seems incapable of kindness or support to her daughter.
When I left my first husband, (a weak loser) the only thing she thought to say was "Gee, I always thought you were doing OK, I mean, he didn't beat you."
Then when I started dating again she said "Oh, Paula, not another one." 
When I lost 25 pounds she didn't say a word. When I put it back on, she said, "Well, you have had some weight fluctuations, haven't you?"
She has refused for decades to come to any show, any concert, any performance of any sort that I've done. When I finally mentioned that I found this rather hurtful, she told me to get over it.
The coup de grace came when I married my now-husband. We had our wedding in our home, in December of 1996. Because of snow and other exigencies, our friend, a Lutheran pastor, who was to perform the ceremony, was rather late, so of course the ceremony was delayed. Well, my parents decided it was past their bedtime and they couldn't stay to see their daughter get married. So they left.
The next morning my mother called and said, "Well. Are you married or not?"
ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
My husband (a very wise man) had advised me to give up on seeking any sort of emotional support from my family. Respect them, love them even, but expect nothing from them, because they're incapable of giving it. And to get the support I need from my circle of friends (of which I have some very nice ones.)
I now pass that advice on to you.
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TINA!!!
#154336 - 02/26/05 12:46 AM
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Sheri01
Reged: 04/19/04
Posts: 1731
Loc: New Jersey
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This breaks my heart to hear, because i Know to an extent how it is. My mom does the same thing to me. THere have bben times when I have broken up with a bf that she didn't evebn like, but she would get on my case for dumping. Hell-o! Does this make any sense? aTkeast she backed off alittle this last breakup, but she did still come down on me alittle. I am not going to let myself become an old maid, if that is what she is worried about! I think she is caught up in 'back in her day', when people got marreid at my age *shudder*.
Just ignore her is all i can say! You and all of us in the boards KNOW trhat you made the right decision! She will come around once she drama is gone,
Love ya tina, and it sucjks to know you are going through such a rouhg time ! I wish we were close r in age anbd lived closer together, we rcould go out!
P.s.- isn't it great htat I didn't do TOOO bad tyoing this drunk? I met a guy toniught too, not bf material, but we like alot of the same things and could be good friends i think
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-Sheri
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SHERI!
#154339 - 02/26/05 02:44 AM
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I love reading your drunken posts. I can always tell because your spelling and words get a bit wonky.
Ya, my mom sucks. I love her to death but she is just terrible at handling anything difficult. She never knew the half of all my IBS problems. I lied about how bad it was at one point just to spar her. And I never told her that I was tested for Crohn's. She would have cried a river and been so worried!
I wish she would be supportive of my decision. My ex-BF's dad has no ill will towards me and left a message on our machine that he sends me all his love. My own mom isn't even that nice!!!
I will be ok. I have a lot of support of some very amazing people (friends). Hey sometimes friends become your family.
You met a guy. Alright Sheri. Just don't get carried away if you know what I mean. That's my sisterly advice to you!
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PAULA!
#154340 - 02/26/05 02:53 AM
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Yes, our mom's are similar. Wow. 
My mom has always given me grief about my weight. I'm very thin and every single time she sees me she looks me over from top to bottom and says that I must not be eating enough and that she's so worried about me. But a few years back I was 20 lbs heavier and she kept telling me to excercise more and that I was getting too "content". My dad's just as bad and called me a cow when I gained that extra weight. I was having a talk about it with my mom on the phone and I could hear him in the background going "moo, moo". DUH! Grow up there parents. Anyhow, they will never ever be happy with me. There's always something wrong and their love is not unconditional.
Another thing she does is comment how my tops are way too tight. I have big enough boobs (with a small frame) and don't like to wear baggy tops. I like tight tops. I don't dress sleazy ever but she always stares at me like I'm being so daring. She bought me two sweaters for Christmas and made me buy them 2 sizes larger so they would be "looser" in the bust area. Oh come on! I have asked my ex-BF so many times if some of my clothes are too revealing and she says "hell no". That if I have it I should flaunt it and that is why some women get boob jobs. Boobs are good.
That's so hurtful that your parents couldn't stay long enough to see your wedding. I'm so sorry. Come on now!
Your husband is wise and I think I will follow that advice. They have no emotional support to give me for whatever reason.
It just kills me that my ex-BF's family took me in unconditionally and loved me to death while my own parents just see flaws in me. I will miss his family and I started thinking of them as my own. I always saw his grandma as my own and she even said that I could call her grandma and she considered me a grand daughter. His family is very touchy fely and I always got lots of hugs from them. I will miss that.
Oh well. That's what my friends are for. They also give me lots of hugs. I have no problem asking them for a hug if I need one.
As always thanks so much Paula.
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We are quite similar too! My mother has never been there for me at all. My sister has always been her petunia and mom has always managed to turn us against each other. (we now know that and hardly talk to mom as a result)
I have recently gone to councelling to deal with alot of the things you just stated above. I completely understand how you feel, but remember. You are a great person and have tons of friends and you are worthy of receving love from your friends and loved ones.
Also - if you want to continue a relationship with your EX's family I'm sure they would love to see you etc. I broke up with my EX and still visit his one set of aunts and cousins. We got extremely close and weren't willing to break up with EX and I broke up LOL
Take care hon! If you want to talk about stuff more detailed, feel free to email me. I know i don't know you all that well, but I know exactly how you feel!
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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Hey thanks for you response.
My mom and I are actually pretty close. I just can't tell her certain things or else she worries too much. Plus, I have realized that most of the things that I do are kinda odd by her standards. I don't care though!
I know that I need to confront her on her behaviour some time. I have been meaning to for years. Every time I visit my parents, I always come back very self-concious like I have so many flaws. It makes me sad. I wish they could be supportive.
I don't think I will stay in touch with his family. I gave them all my work email and told them to write any time they want to. I am close with his sister as she's my age. But she is feeling like she's in the middle of things so I don't want to push her.
Thanks again for your email. Are you finding the counselling helpful?
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