Just need a little pity party today
#152989 - 02/22/05 06:42 PM
|
|
|
|
Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
|
|
|
Okay, I am just feeling a little pent up and just need a very small pity party!
Adrian is having a much harder time adjusting to the move than I thought (and WAY more than he thought!) he would, and sometimes being the ultra supportive one is super hard.
I don't get any sympathy any more, which is okay most of the time, but lately I feel like I went from having super supportive boyfriend, to no support at all. I've had all these exams, and issues with old friends, and my tummy hasn't been great and I just feel kinda.. exhausted.
He is so stressed, and he is dealing with it by cleaning... Cleaning everything, all the time. And any time I leave anything around, he has a fit. He gets mad at me when I make a tiny mess (leaving a box of q-tips on the coffee table), and gets really grumpy and then says he isn't.. so I spend a lot of time trying to guess why he is mad at me. Then it finally comes out, and I know this sounds super insensitive and stuff, but sometimes it makes me think "THAT'S IT?!?!". I can't help it, I don't understand the big deal with everything being perfect, and I have been trying to get it... and I am trying so hard to be as tidy as I can but I am a university student with books and papers and notes and STUFF and it's so hard to be perfect!
*big sigh*
My tummy has been getting worse and worse the more tense I feel and today it just went over the edge. I told him I was feeling bad, and I stayed in bed for a long time... Okay, I probably stayed in bed TOO long and I should have gotten up. Then I came out into the living room, and everywhere I went I was in his way because he is tidying or rearranging or fixing something, then he is acting all stroppy with me!
So I kept asking why he was mad, but the thought of going through it really just made me feel SO TIRED and I just started crying. He told me he wasn't mad, and gave me hugs and stuff and then it seemed okay, but I just feel so stressed.
Everything is okay.. I am okay, he is okay, we are okay.. I just feel like I need to vent, and I don't really have anybody right now. My mom already is trying to convince me he'll break up with me, my best friend is so jealous of the time I spend with him that she takes any excuse to criticise me or our relationship... I just need to get it out, and then let it go!
WHEW. Okay, there we go... Thanks all for listening, now I can go back to being the supportive girlfriend and not rip my own head off.. or his!!  
--Steph
--------------------
~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Big hugs Steph. I'm sorry the move has been so hard on Adrian. I'm sure in time he'll come round and cheer up a little (and hopefully lighten up a little on the cleaning issue). I hope your tummy feels a bit better soon too. It's always when things are the worst that the tummy kicks in just to make them that little bit more unbearable. Use the board for a vent any time you need it. It's better to get it out and let it go as you said than to keep it inside and then blow your top.
--------------------
Amy
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Hi Amy,
Thanks for the kind words. I do feel better now that I have gotten it off my chest, but I am still feeling really irritable from the bad day.. I am just trying to keep my mouth shut until I get a good night's sleep!
*hugs*
--Steph
--------------------
~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Steph,
I know what you're saying about the cleaning and him getting upset because of dumb things. My BF is BEYOND neurotic about my dirty winter boots. As soon as I come home he yells at me "GET ON THE MAT! GET ON THE MAT!" because I have my winter boots on (like there's a fire or something and he's trying to save my life). Even when I have 6 bags of groceries he wants me to get on that blasted mat so I don't get my wet boots on his precious floor. It's enough to drive me nuts and happens EVERY single day! He says it's because he cleans the floor and wants it to stay clean. I tell him if I get anything on it, I will clean it off. It's not the end of the world. Or that I would be MORE than happy to buy a huge mat to cover the entire entrance way. he says it's not necessary if only i could step on te matt!!!  There are far better things to get upset over!!!DUH!!
I'm sorry Adrian is finding it hard there. How long have you guys been together? Does he have anyone besides you to hang out with? Guys need to see their friends just as much as women do! 
I hope you guys figure things out. I'm sorry that your tummy isn't that great right now. 
Feel free to vent ANY TIME! Here's my email adress to tinaspafford@rogers.com. If you need to vent about the neat freak stuff. Trust me, I understand and then some!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Seriously, Steph. I know I"ve said this before - it sounds like he has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. If he's freaking over a box of q-tips on the table, that is by far excessive. If he's doing it more when he's stressed, that's another sign.
--------------------
Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Tina
#153315 - 02/23/05 01:46 PM
|
|
|
|
Kimm
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 1171
Loc: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
|
|
|
HAHAHAHA.....sorry I know it's not funny but when you told that story about him screaming "GET ON THE MAT" like there was a fire it totally cracked me up!!  Everytime I picture him screaming that as soon as you walk in the door it has me on the floor.....
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Country-Envy
#153350 - 02/23/05 02:16 PM
|
|
|
|
Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
|
|
|
Hi there, Pretty Lady!
I don't really know what to say here that will help you out, but I had to comment that I found this post very interesting. You see, I'm on the other side. I'm like Adrian; I'm extremely neat and would make Bree on "Desperate Housewives" seem like a slob. I understood perfectly when she was in the shrink's office and reached into her purse for her travel sewing kit to stitch up the button falling off the shrink's jacket. Oh yeah. Makes all the sense in the world to me.
Your post helped me look at things from the other side; now I understand what my poor husband has had to go through for the past 39 years. Although it's not going to change my obsessive-compulsiveness, maybe I can make light of it and know that poor Adrian is going through the same thing.
It's not fun being a neat-nick, 'cause nothing is ever good enough or perfect enough. Our efforts to make the world right are all in vain, of course, and, although we know it, we can't help ourselves.
Go easy on Adrian; adjusting to a new country is damn difficult -- as you must know -- and this is just his way of trying to make it "right."
{{{{Hugs}}}}
Bevvy
--------------------
<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Hi Tina,
You know, as soon as I started writing that post I thought that if anyone would write back with understanding, it would be you!
Like Kimm, I saw the "GET ON THE MAT!" story as funny.. but just for a second! Then I thought about Adrian when we got one little piece of dirt on our new rug and WOAH NELLY! If I got shouted at about my shoes every day, I would SERIOUSLY go nuts.
It's so hard to find someone understanding, because it basically sounds like my complaint is that he is too clean! I'm sorry you went through all this with your boyfriend, but I am glad that I have someone who has been there! I might totally take you up on that eMail offer soon, because I am SURE I will start to get all frustrated again soon and need someone to talk to!
Thanks for all your support.. How are you doing, by the way? I dunno if I actually replied to your posts about your new place (I feel like I am not cheating from doing my homework if I don't log in and just read posts! ) but I just wanted to say I am so happy for you. It sounds like an awesome place, I can't wait until you can post some pictures. I can't wait to move out myself and buying new furniture and stuff is so exciting!
**hugs**
--Steph
--------------------
~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
OCD
#153400 - 02/23/05 04:48 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
|
|
|
Hi there,
I had been thinking about what you said to me and Tina when you was going through it with her boyfriend, and I admit that I had thought about Adrian being OCD before.
The truth is, I am about 90% sure that his Dad is OCD. He was waaay worse than Adrian, and I am guessing that a lot of it with his Dad was alcohol but he had all the signs - shaking the door a bunch of times every time he left, chaining up the car, having to sit at specific tables.. that's just the beginning.
I have always had in the back of my mind how scared I am that Adrian will turn into his Dad, but I thought I was just being silly.. But now that we are here and everything is so exagerated, I am inclined to think he is heading down that path.
I have mentioned OCD to him. The first time he just got upset with me. The second time, he sort of accepted it but now just mentions it sarcastically like he is making fun of me for suggesting it. I don't want to push it, or be mean about it.. but I really am counting on it getting better once he adjusts, or I just don't know how it will work between us if he won't accept it.
I am getting pretty worried now, but trying to just give it some time.. Any advice you might have for me would be really appreciated.
Thanks for all your help,
*hugs*
Steph
--------------------
~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
We all have pity party's so feel free honey!! Moving is so stressfull!!! I am sure things will be better very soon!!! When he gets mad at messes just tell him if you didn't make a mess he wouldn't have anything to clean!!LOL I am just trying to make ya laugh!!!
BIG HUGS!!!!
--------------------
Heather7476
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Hi Bev,
Nice to hear from you!!
You know what's funny? I can't believe that my biggest complaint about my boyfriend is that he is so tidy! It seems like such a GOOD thing but it has just gotten so out of control.. It feels like it's not that HE is tidy, it's that _I_ am not tidy enough and it is causing problems.
I wish I could understand what it feels like, I imagine it's a lot worse for Adrian.. and for you too than it is for the people like me. It must be a nightmare, as anything that makes anyone anxious and stuff is, to be so intent on everything being perfect all the time.
I know how hard this move is for Adrian, that is why I am venting on here rather than having a little temper tantrum in front of him. I am hoping that once he adjusts and settles down, our home will be more much relaxed and harmonious.. and I am definitely willing to give it time for that to happen. I don't want to make him more stressed, or jump down his throat, or make his stress about how it makes ME feel.. but sometimes I do need a little vent!
I think what worries me is this: I stress about basically everything. One thing I DON'T stress about is being ultra neat and tidy all the time (I am very worried about things being CLEAN, but not so much tidy if that makes sense). If this turns into such a big part of our lives permenantly as it is right now, I just don't know that I can handle it. It makes him irritable with me, it makes me feel tense and it makes me feel like I can't take 30 seconds to relax in my own home. I am scared it will get worse, but I need to put worrying about it aside for now.
Thanks for the advice, and all the support you have always given me.
**big hugs**
--Steph
--------------------
~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Steph
#153504 - 02/24/05 01:58 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
Of course I couldn't resist responding to this one!
That mat story sounds funny at first but is harder to actually live it.
You asked how I am doing. I am word: terrible. I broke up with him last night and it went a milion times worse than I ahd ever imagined. He is devastated and I had no idea how much he loves me. A lot of the things that he did were out of insecurity or fear. This is the hardest time in my entire life. I hope I can get through it.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
It's not funny though.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Re: OCD
#153552 - 02/24/05 06:03 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sweetie, I think I'll try to find some online tests that you can read through. Since you know him very well, you can read through them and get an idea if it sounds like him. I'll post what I find later.
--------------------
Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Re: Tina
#153573 - 02/24/05 07:19 AM
|
|
|
|
|
Kimm
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 1171
Loc: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
|
|
|
I hope I didn't offend you....I guess my personality is always to try and find the humour in everything...my mom was like that when I was growing up....and it's something I could totally picture her doing as well and I honestly do find the image in my head hilarious....
Him yelling that at you like that indicates a serious problem and that isn't a joke....
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Sometimes it makes me destress when I can get together with my best- girlfriend and get away from the everyday- it gives you and him time alone that is needed. and my girlfriends understand my stomach so even a movie at her house helps my usband and I have the alone time we need- which in turn destresses me and that helps my stomach too!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Hey Steph! I'm party hopping today. I just visited Heather's pity party, but I wanted to duck my head in here to see if this party had any beer? My goodness it's clean in here. Oo Tina brought a mat. I can stand on that.
Hey everybody! Great party, Steph! *patting back* There, there. It's not all in your head, you're under a lot of pressure and people nit-picking at you is not helping your stress!! BIG HUGS!! Now where's your fridge? Got any magically ibs-free nachos? I'm a little hungry. Steph, you've got to have us all over more often! The place looks great packed with your friends! Friends who really want to see you happy, and don't try to take you down a peg when you're finally starting to have some great things happen to you!! You so don't deserve this!!
Please pass the nachos.
Anyway *munch munch*, what I was saying is that you're such a genuine, nice person and you deserve happiness and to be treated like the princess you are! You do so much for other people, really making sure everybody gets along, and they should recognize how important and special you are and let you relax and get off your case!!
~nelly~ Pity party crasher 
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Pity PAR-TAY
#153867 - 02/24/05 09:49 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
|
|
|
Hi Nelly,
Welcome to my pity party.. please make sure to take your shoes off.. No, don't put them there.. put them against the wall by the door.. No, right beside each other so they look perfectly neat.. Aren't we just having a ROCKING time??
Want a shooter? I call it 'Peppermint Dream'.. Okay, it's pepto bismol... What about a beer? Okay, it's flattened ginger-ale... ALE, though!
I'm just about to bring out a big pot of... RICE! Yep, yummy yummy rice with a side order of bread rolls!
EAT OVER A PLATE! EAT OVER A PLATE!!
*scrambles around, inspecting the floor for crumbs*
Wooooooo-eeeee.. I think I have been hitting the shooters a little *hicup* hard tonight. Is my tongue pink?
Anyway, it's been 15 minutes so I have to vaccuum so I'm gonna have to ask you all to leave, but thanks for coming to my party!
--Steph
--------------------
~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Re: Pity PAR-TAY
#153990 - 02/25/05 07:58 AM
|
|
|
|
Nelly
Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC
|
|
|
Woah, that's good, Steph! That's some strong pot... of rice! Boy it's so true the best stuff is Canadian!
Thanks so much for having me over! Next time I get down and have a pity par-TAY, you are so on the VIP list!
~nelly~
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Stephie you are TOO funny!!!
--------------------
Laura
Keep it simple!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Hey guys can I come too? I can bring over the dessert...rice cakes! And if anyone gets sick from too many shooters...there's always tummy massage...I'm an expert! Let me know when I should be there
--------------------
Formerly known as Ruchie
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
--------------------
 Natalie
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Re: Steph
#154115 - 02/25/05 11:03 AM
|
|
|
|
|
NikkiM
Reged: 02/19/05
Posts: 46
Loc: Albany, NY
|
|
|
Sara-Sage, how are you doing today? Breaking up is the hardest thing, especially when the guy does not take it well!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
You got it babe!
#154153 - 02/25/05 12:18 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Nelly
Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC
|
|
|
Nat, you know you'd have a velvet roped-off VIP section at any of my pity parties!!!!
Pepto shooters all around!!
~nelly~
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
--------------------
Natalie
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Posts
