Help...so upset
#151468 - 02/17/05 08:36 PM
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Vicam
Reged: 02/24/04
Posts: 1955
Loc: Ontario, Canada
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Hey Guys,
I'm hoping some of you are still online even though it's getting late. I need some help...I'm having a really terrible time. For those of you who know I've been having financial troubles, I approached my boyfriend tonight to try and talk to him and explain to him that we need to do something or we can't pay our bills next month, and he was so mean to me. We've been together 7 years and he is never like this. He's been yelling at me, and calling me names and just being horrible to me, and now I can't calm myself down and I still have a sinus infection so the crying is really hurting me. I just need some helpful tips or even just some kind words ... something to cheer me up.
Thanks guys,
Kelly
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awe I'm sorry! 
boys can really really be insensitive sometimes.. trust me.. I know and I'm sure every other girl on here can attest.
I'm so sorry about your financial problems.. I can feel your pain being a poor graduate student with an addiction to expensive things
I don't have any advice really.. but I hope things start looking up for you!
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Kelly, half my marrital arguments are over money and when it comes to money guys can get mean! (No offence to guys, obviously this is a generalisation). Don't really have any advice other than to try not to take it to heart. I'm sure once he calms down he'll be really sorry. Big hugs. I hope you're okay.
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Amy
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Kelly, I know exactly how you are feeling tonight! I also have a terrible sinus infection, and it is so bad, that I do not feel like talking, period. It has been a long while since we have had a fight about finances, I think men have it in their head that if they act like j@k@$$e$, that somethings willmagically come in an take over and things will be just fine. They aren't always willing to do their part in cut backs, to help make things better.
Look, you were so sick last year, lately you have been doing pretty good. I would hate to see somehting like this put you into a regression.
love toyou honey, I hope you can get some sleep and feel better tomorrow !! love to you, gayla
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Kelly, I've been there (trust me) and he should never make you feel that way. Some people are just like that! 
You now what my advice is. If he's like this a lot, consider ending things with him. I have realized that being yelled at and called names is unacceptable and I will be leving my BF soon.
For someone to make you feel worse when you already feel sad is NOT COOL.
Big (((hugs))) Kelly.
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*HUG*
#151504 - 02/18/05 03:21 AM
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khyricat
Reged: 08/05/04
Posts: 3612
Loc: Michigan
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almost every major fight in our 11 years has been over money! sad isn't it. we have found ways to avoid that but it took a long time to get there.
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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Kelly
#151527 - 02/18/05 05:55 AM
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BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
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I didn't see your post until this morning, so hopefully, you had a good night's sleep and are feeling better about things this morning.
Is he always this way? Or did this discussion of money just hit the wrong buttons with him?
I know that's not easy. I've been there, done that, and lost a lot of sleep over money problems in the past. My husband has lost his job twice, and if it weren't for the help of family to tide us over until the next job, I don't know how we would've made it. Do you have any family that could help you in the meantime?
Hoping it all works out. I will keep you in my prayers.
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Awe Kelly!
#151535 - 02/18/05 06:12 AM
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RachelT
Reged: 07/01/04
Posts: 2350
Loc: Minnesota
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I hope you're feeling better this morning! Finances can be so hard on a relationship! When things get tight, especially this tight, they can bring out the worst in people, including the people who are usually pretty sensible. If I'm not mistaken, money is the leading cause for divorce in the United States, and is probably true elsewhere as well.
Does your BF know how much he hurt you last night? I'm sorry you were in so much pain... are you better today? And those darn sinus infections can take a toll on you too! Big hugs sweetie! Maybe it would help for you and your BF to talk to a professional to be able to get through this tough time... sometimes, an unbiased opinion is the most helpful. Good luck! I hope today is better.
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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Now I'm going to have to come over there and shake him until his head pops off! You see what he's gonna make me do?? How about getting a nice juicy insurance policy on him, then him having an "accident?" That'll solve your money problems, I'll tell him what! 
Sigh! Isn't money terrible? It just brings out the worst in us, doesn't it. You're the star, cos you're on top of the finances!! He needs to be more aware of the cash flow situation and HE needs to be proactive about making sure your household is taken care of.
Can you go into arrears for a month, maybe put off a bill as a last resort? Do you have anything you can sell? Do you have some friends you can bring together to throw a rent party (everybody chips in like $20). How about a relative who can lend you money? Got a TV to pawn?
I've been there before and it's a rough spot as it is, but it's being compounded by uncaring BF jumping down your throat. Why can't more men be problem solvers?  You're doing a really good job keeping it all together, and I'm sending good thoughts your way. Take a really warm shower and clear your head. Can you go to the pet store and get some free puppy therapy?? Even pet store fish can be theraputic.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS!!!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
If your BF needs a beating, I'll volunteer my services. I'm cheap, just a handful of imodium and I'm good to go. 
~nelly~
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Thanks everyone for your kind words, you guys are the best  I managed to get a little sleep though not as much as I would have liked, and this morning I look a little scary. I've never seen my eyes so swollen, but I assume it's more from the infection + crying than just the crying, because I've cried myself to sleep before without looking like frankenstein in the morning!
It's reasurring to know that other people have trouble and fights over money (not that I wish it on anyone!)...I'm relatively new to living on my own and this is our first real financial snag.
Anyways, thank you all for your suggestion and kind words...he did calm down and he was sorry...and it is only the talking about money that makes him like this...if I completely avoided the money situation (like he does) we'd just get along fine, but it's the elephant in the room syndrome you know?
Anyways, hope everyone is having a nice day and thanks again for the support!
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