Had a meltdown this morning
#142928 - 01/26/05 10:46 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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For the last few weeks my tummy has been marginal at best. Well, I woke up this morning and it HURT. I had slept with the heating pad on but it had gotten worse over night. I lost it. I just started crying hysterically. It wasn't so much from the actual pain but more from the feeling of constantly being beat down. I feel like a bottle of pop that someone keeps shaking up, the pressure builds and builds and builds and this morning, I just had to release some of the pressure. I've been doing ok. Trying very had to stay positive and be happy. To look forward to the future. For the most part, I think I've done a pretty good job. I guess I was just having a really bad morning. Will woke up and asked what was wrong and all I could say was my tummy hurt. Than he got kinda mad because he knew I was upset for a little while yesterday when the RE had to reschedule my appt and he thinks being upset yesterday was causing my "breakdown" this morning. I just wanted him to hold me and tell me everything was ok. Instead, he tried to reason with me. Bad idea. That made me more upset. Than he said he wanted me to cancel my appt with the RE altogether right now because he doesn't feel I'm strong enough to handle getting pregnant again. I told him the Re was going to have to run some tests and it would be a few months before we could actually TRY anyways. It was just making me more upset so I ran into the bathroom and just sat on the floor and sobbed for about 10 minutes. Will finally came in and said he was sorry. Than he did hug me and give tell me everything was ok. Why couldn't he do that to begin with?? Its bad enough I'm having to go through everything I've been through but them to worry about letting him see me upset for fear that he won't want to have a baby, thats just too much.
So, I had myself a good cry, got dressed and went to physical therpay. My tummy is still hurting but I took 2 vicodins and a xanax and feel a little better. Modern pharmceauticals are great!  I just feel drained. I feel weak. I know I'm just having a bad day but I just want to crawl in bed and say "screw everything." I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of having to work so hard to be happy. I'm tired of complaining. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of putting a smile on my face when I just want to cry. I feel like I have no where that I can just sit and cry and have someone be strong for me. Will has been through a lot also and I'm afraid to let him see me too upset too often. I just feel like I need to get away. I just feel like if even the slightest thing goes wrong any time soon, I'm just going to lose it. I'm sitting at work crying right now.
I'm sorry to be such a bummer today. I know I'm having myself a pitty party right now, I just need some help pulling myself out of it. I know I'll be ok, its just a really bad day for me. Please send hugs.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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UGH!!!! I SO feel for you ((Michele))
Sounds like hubby was playing Mr. Fix It instead of Mr. Listen and be Supportive 
Men just want to make us better and it HURTS them when they can't. But oh how we just WANT A HUG!!!!!!!!! 
*sigh*
Do you have a journal or a good friend you can call up to come over and cry in her arms? I don't have any good friends here cause we are always m0oving. BUT I LOVE my journal...it's my best bud for now. I cry on the pages if I need to 
Anyway...I wish I could be there for you *hugs* WE ALL need to be able to cry and let it all out.
E-mail me anytime...but for now
((((((((((((((((((Michele)))))))))))))))))))
Love ya!
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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It sounds like you need to get away - if even just for a day! What about a day trip to a spa to get a massage and pedicure? Something to help you relax and get away from everyday stresses!
Don't worry about having to be happy all the time - nobody is. Be sad if you want to, especially after all you've been through.
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- Jennifer
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Michele, I was just reading the other post about the delayed appointment. I think after all you have been through, a meltdown was probably the healthiest thing you could have done under the circumstances! Our men love us, but sometimes they just don't respond in a way that feels too good at the time. I am still praying for you and hope that all of this gets resolved without any more heartache. Just be patient. You are strong, and once you heal from all you have been through, you'll be stronger and wiser when you become a mom! Hang in there, and melt down until you feel better!
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God is Faithful!
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A getaway is exactly what you need! I am still searching for a nice place to go to, so if I find one I'll let you know. I think us ladies will definatley have to cheer you up on Sunday. We'll shake you out of that gray cloud. Hang in there sweetie! We all understand having a rough go of things. Just know you are not alone and we love ya!!! 
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Michele - I am so sorry you are feeling so low. You have been through many difficult things lately, and it is good that you cried and had an emotional release.
I am so glad Will finally realized what you needed. Don't be afraid to communicate that to him. Men are different and I have found that if I tell my DH "I'm feeling really overwhelmed and sad and I need you to comfort me" he gets it. If I don't, he likes to try to "fix", which makes me more upset too. They're just wired differently than us.
Can you do some girl things to pamper yourself? Pedicure, manicure, facial, massage, buy a good book, weekend away, etc? Sometimes a creative release can be helpful too, like journaling, painting, drawing, sewing, etc.
We are all concerned about you and are praying so hard for your continued healing. Please be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve. I do not think you should have to be 'brave' or 'tough'. You have been on an emotional rollercoaster and I think you have handled things amazingly. I admire your fortitude and courage to keep going!
Love, Hugs & Prayers -
LittleLamb
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Thanks littlelamb. I knew I just needed to tell WIll what I needed but I just got so upset and I couldn't think straight and than I got made at him because I think he should have known what I needed! I know its unreasonable but sometimes I get so upset, I lose all capibilities to reason! I guess its good that I understand that at least!
I have been doing some scrapbooking and I've been keeping busy with exercising. A pedicure sounds pretty though! There is a nail place next door to where I work, maybe I'll see if they can get me in tomorrow! I have swimming after work today! Thanks for the love, hugs, and prayers!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I'm so very much looking forward to sunday!!! Please let me know if you find somewhere nice for a weekend getaway. I might do some looking around on line today also! I really just need some time away! Thanks for the kind words!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Thanks bamagirl! I guess I'm entitled to a meltdown once in a while. I'm just so glad I have all of you!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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a spa day sounds wonderful!! I do have a day planned this Sunday to met up with some of the girls from the boards here, so that will be nice!
Glad to hear you got out of your lease! Happy house hunting!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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