Detachment with love...
#132020 - 12/20/04 11:55 PM
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RDumas
Reged: 12/19/04
Posts: 64
Loc: West San Fernando Valley
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Recently, I've had to lean on the concept of "detachment with love" in regards to toxic "associates" and many of my dysfunctional family relationships.
It's not easy, but the ignorance I've dealt with in regards to my mental and physical health issues (from which many of these people have had a direct cause and effect dynamic) has led to this detachment. To stay in contact with certain people in my life (be it through direct speech or simply having them on my mind) would further burn holes in my esophagus and puff out my gut. I won't even go into how it effects the depression. Too fatalistic... and, there's little point in expressing any of those defeating thoughts.
I pray everyday to my Higher Power, God, or other preferred moniker, that my relationships will improve with these people, yet they don't. My annoyance turns to exasperation, then to infuriation till it's simple a matter of not having the energy to pursue the relationship anymore.
These are primarily matters of health -both mental and physical...and therefore leads me to groups and wellness "endeavors."
I'm simply a communicative man. Maybe moreso than most men. Yet, when the simple lifeline of communication in my relationships is tampered with for too long, I have to cut the person loose. This has been the underlying direction of many of my relationships for the past few weeks.
This type of social renewal is practiced by me from time to time and is liberating, a little scary, and yet exciting at the same time. Funny how Kenny Rogers put it, "Every gambler knows that the secret to surviving is knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep."
Thanks for reading this and I hope it makes sense and that it was expressed correctly. I pray alone due to the concept of "how I understand God," and, therefore, usually don't have others to express these thoughts to...
Thank you for reading my posts. They're like prayers in themselves and I'm grateful to share them with you.
Truly, Bob.
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Quote:
I pray everyday to my Higher Power, God, or other preferred moniker, that my relationships will improve with these people, yet they don't. My annoyance turns to exasperation, then to infuriation till it's simple a matter of not having the energy to pursue the relationship anymore.
Please! Talk some more about how you've been able to get to the point of loving detachment. This quote exactly expresses where I am with my family and I am SO dreading seeing them on Saturday. Last year's Christmas trip to "dysfunction junction" (as I like to call it) left me in anger and then depression for weeks. I can't live like that.
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This may sound incredibly simple, but I'm keeping it a matter of Geography, these days. Where they are, I'm not!
I won't be defined by them (and, haven't been for years), therefore, the spiritual distance doesn't cause sorrow. It gets to a point where it is simply a matter of self-preservation. And, it seems it's been in the same in employment...if you don't like the management at your job, work somewhere else.
Hopefully this gives a little insight into the detachment. It's a matter of practice in that in the Taoist ideology one wants to "cleave without cutting." In other words, no need for a messy scene, I just refuse family gatherings.
To quote a line from Billy Joel's song Careless Talk: Let them stand where they fall/they don't know us at all/and all that talking won't make a difference to me.
Or, in other words, walking away from a dysfunctional situation to save one's sanity. It's a good thing to do for one's health and one's holiday. I'll be spending Xmas doing service work (charity) as opposed to getting stressed out and then symptomatic for a week after being with my family.
Hope you have peace this holiday.
Dumas.
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I'm not trying to interrupt, but don't feel alone. I think all families have "branches" that you'd rather purge from the tree with a pruning sheer...that's just human nature. But, when it begins to affect health, well, sometimes it is just better to make other plans to be where family isn't. I know hubby and I have had to severely limit interaction with some of my family for that very reason. It's just not worth the hurt or ruining your health. You CAN love your family, just from a distance.
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God is Faithful!
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Thank you. I'm in the thick of it, right now. But, that's probably the direction it's heading.
Thank you, again, for the validation.
Dumas.
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