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Hi Sinead,
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this...especially at Christmastime. I really don't know what advice to give you except to avoid your dad for now. He will not change unless he wants to and then he can get some help. I feel so sorry for your Mam. Be there for her the best you can.
I'm sending you hugs
Barbie
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Sinead
#131790 - 12/20/04 08:17 AM
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Well your family is lucky to have you and that's a shame that you and Padhraig won't get to be together for Christmas.
Is it just you and him going to Paris in January?? That is so exciting!! Have you been there before? I went there by myself over the summer on my way back from Italy and it has to be my favorite place in the world! I love it! That is definitely something special to look forward too!
Hugs again and I hope you can enjoy your Christmas!
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panda
#131799 - 12/20/04 08:32 AM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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Thanks Panda, I have been trying to get my Mother to go to Al Anon for so long but when he is not drinking she won't. She is very proud & private and we live in a small rural area so its impossible to get her to agree to go.
I went to counselling myself after a huge public fight my Dad picked with me in front of about 80 people at my cousin's 21st birthday party. My doctor recommended a really good book for me about alcohol and the family, written from an Irish context and I bought a copy for my Mum. She has read it but she really does enable Dad's behaviour.
He was banned from driving for a year and she drove him everywhere, and collected him from work,(15 miles each way) the whole time. Dad didn't suffer at all as a result and used it as an excuse to just to pass time in the pub...
Thanks for the support and advice,
Talk later
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S.
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Thanks Sheri
#131800 - 12/20/04 08:33 AM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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There really is no talking to him though, Mam will fight with him and keep tough but it will just upset everyone. I wish he would just walk out the door.
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S.
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Terri
#131802 - 12/20/04 08:45 AM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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Thanks for your support Terri, I always stand by Mam. Dad is harder to though.
I love my brothers and sisters so much and we really band together on things like this so we will be OK.
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S.
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Barbie
#131805 - 12/20/04 08:49 AM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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Thanks for your hugs, gratefully appreciated!
Just feeling down about it at the moment. Tired too so not able to cope with anything today. And I have been eating chocolate 
13 minutes til I can go home from work!
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S.
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Brittany
#131808 - 12/20/04 08:52 AM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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Quote:
Well your family is lucky to have you aww thanks and that's a shame that you and Padhraig won't get to be together for Christmas. we'll be fine, there are so many of us that its gets overwhelming for people to stay, especially on holidays
Is it just you and him going to Paris in January?? Yes, he got me the trip for our anniversary in October, I am soo excited about it. That is so exciting!! Have you been there before? YES! I used to live there in 1995 and Padhraig and I rang in the new Milennium there but haven't been back since I went there by myself over the summer on my way back from Italy and it has to be my favorite place in the world! I love it too, I was 18 when I lived there, it was so fantastic I love it! That is definitely something special to look forward too!
Hugs again and I hope you can enjoy your Christmas! Thanks Brittany, this talk of Paris has cheered me up, you are a sweetie
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S.
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Re: Oh Sinead
#131811 - 12/20/04 09:06 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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I'm so sorry you have to deal with this!! I really don't have too much else to add to what everones else has said but wanted to let you know, you also have my hugs and support!
My biological father was a drunk, used drugs and was abusive to my mom. She left him when I was in the 6th grade. Luckily, I was young enough not to remember a whole lot of it. But now my mom is re-married and her husband isn't exactly a role model. He doesn't drink much but when he does he is very abusive. He is also very jealous. Once when I was 16, he and I got into a fight because of the way he was treating my mom and he actually swing at me. I told my mom that day that she had to choose between him or me and she choose him. It was very difficult. I didn't talk to my mom very much for a few years but now we talk all the time on the phone. I've learned that until she is ready to make a change, nothing I say will matter so I just don't even bring it up anymore. Now I just try to support her as best as I can and know there is nothing else I can do.
Would it do any good if you had your mom talk to a lawyer? Maybe if someone in "power" told her that she wouldn't loose the house or kids she might be more willing to do something? Its a tough situation no matter. Hang in there!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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*HUGS* When I was 14, I watched my grandmother almost die of alcohol poisoning because she was drinking half a gallon of wine a day. We all knew Nanny was an alcoholic, she refused to admit it herself and get help. It took her almost dying (in front of her granddaughter) for her to admit she had a problem and to get help.
I sincerely hope that your dad realizes he has a problem before something like that happens to him and your family. *HUGS* Hope you enjoy your Christmas even with your family's problems.
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Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent
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Re: Oh Sinead
#131821 - 12/20/04 09:42 AM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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Thanks Michelle.
Re my Mum and the lawyer- i have spoken to her and I am one! I have copied chunks of texts for her to see that he is trying to con her but she won't listen. I wanted her to make an appointment to see one of my friends in a professional capacity but she keeps backing out of it, she is just afraid.
I used to love my Dad, now i tolerate him, isn't that sad?
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S.
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