Introduction question!
#131670 - 12/19/04 07:56 PM
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Sheri01
Reged: 04/19/04
Posts: 1731
Loc: New Jersey
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Lets say hypothetically, that you are at a party for a long-time close friend. Your bring your significant other of two years, and upon walking in the door run into an ex that you are still good friends with, even though they live far away and are married with two kids and you never see each other. This is accepted and fine. You, of course, start talking to this person and such, and don't act as if your partner is not there, but you fail to introduce them.
Is it just me, or is this a BIG problem? Yes, this happened AGAIN to me last night at a party with my BF. We have already been having alot of problems. We have been thorugh this before and he came around and saw my side of things, but now he is saying that it doesn't matter because "Everyone that is important to me knows who you are even if they haven't met you, and it is pointless for me to make a showy introduction. And I am not going to make a big ordeal out of introducing you to people we will only see once or twice more ever."
I am not even talking about hunting people down that I havent met while at the party, my problem was when I was right by his side, and people that were important to him.
he said that as he was talking to people when we split up at the party he would point me out, but I don't care, or course he would, I was one of the 'life of the party' gals, of course a dork like him would want the guys to know that he was with me (I know that comment is alittle cocky, but it is true)
We are chatting on AIM, and he has spent the last half hour defending himself. I have been having serious doubts about our relationship, so he should be watching those things. He always wants one more chance one more chance, and when he doesn't come through always has an excuse. he is also having a problem with me never letting him get his way. I am trying to tell him that my opinion doesn't hurt him, his choices hurt me, even though he thinks it is stupid he still should.
Am I far off base here? The guy is almost 24 years old. And he is made that I am trying to change him cause I like him to make an effort to look nice when we go out places now, rahter than him wearing his beatup tshirts that are from HIGHSCHOOL, no lie. He still wears marching band shirts from 1996.
Someone please let me know if I am crzy or not!
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-Sheri
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You're not crazy. That would make me really uncomfortable too. It doesn't sound like he's doing it intentionally, not trying to hide the fact that your his gf, but he's just not making an effort to use good manners. If it's important to you, he should make more of an effort.
Boys are infuriating sometimes.
Panda
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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I can't say it better than Panda did, so I'll just second all of that!
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you seem to have a lot of problems with him, and that he is not good enough for you. Maybe you should move on and find someone else?
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Sheri,
The intro thing is hard to take I agree.
My guy still wears tshirts that he wore when we first met (we are together 8 years) He understands now that when we are going out somewhere special that I like him to look his best and he will check with me if what he is wearing is OK. He is a little overweight and is very sensitive about it so he hates clothes shopping. He has asked me to go with him a few times this year to help him choose. I never insist on going or ask him to wear other things. The most important thing is that I love him so much I can get over things like this, because I know what is underneath- my fantastic BF!
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S.
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Hey Sheri,
It's all about respect and I think as you and your bf have been dating for a long time you both are starting to forget about that.
On your bf's part, not remembering to introduce you is not acceptable. If he knows that you don't know many people at the party he should first and foremost be taking your feelings into consideration. It sucks not getting introduced because then you're made to feel ackward. This is especially unfortunate if he had forgotten before and you told him that it bothered you.
That being said, did he actually apologize to you for the incident? And if he did, did you drop it or keep bugging him about it? It could be an honest mistake that he feels dumb about but if you keep hassling him about it, it's not going to solve anything, just add conflict.
Your harsh comment about him being a dork really troubles me though. I realize that it's just said out of anger, but it gives the impression that you think with dating him you're stooping below your level. If I had a girl say something like that to me I'd seriously consider dumping her. The comment itself isn't too bad, but the underlying feeling of it would really bother me.
I really didn't mean for this to sound so mean. Every couple has the way they deal with conflict and some of it really doesn't make sense to me yet it works.
Good Luck,
Jamie
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Hey jamie,
I know I sounded alittle harsh with my 'dork' comment, but I should explain that it is not really an insult between us. I know that it is weird, but dork is not an insult, especially between us, and our group of friends. We both wear glasses and like dorky things, alot of times we use it affectionately. SO, I was using it in place of mean words, to show that he wasn't being too much fun but I was.
If he said that he made a mistake or forgot or something it would be one thing, but he defended that it was ok what he did, that he did it on purpose. i wa sreally heated and said mean things about the particular friend, and I admit I was trying to provoke him, and it worked.
Then, he turned around and said it was ok what I said, because she probably was being rude!
Apparently, this girl is always telling him he should wind up with his ex (his high school sweetheart, used to be her best friend) and get married to her. So, she is not fond of him being with me, even though she doesn't know me. I am really good to him, but that particular ex girlfriend cheated on him constantly, even with HIS best friend. I know that it isn't his fault, but that makes me REALLY angry, because I went through this with an ex before, alot of his friends (and even his mother) wanted him to be with his ex, because she was more 'demure' and petite (even though I kinda think her face looks like one of those troll dolls  ).
I ran into people that I barely knew from high school at the same party, and they were decent enough to force an introduction out of me (of course I didn't offer one after what happened earlier).
The problem is also not that he is below my level, but since we have been together I have grown up alot, and he has stayed in the same place. So, it is like we are not good together. He even realizes this and admits it, too. It is a shame because we have been good together and can be, but he needs to grow up alot, and he now knows this and even doubts that he will fast enough for us to get along together again. It is like he knows everything that he is doing wrong and either can't or chooses not to do something about them. I guess that is part of being young and in relationships, they don;t last forever. makes it harder when you realize this, but the person didn't do something all that bad to you. It is always easier to break up when you are really mad or wronged.
Oh, and we talked 'til 1:30 in the morning, we are givinng it one more go, then if things aren't working we aren't going to torture each other anymore.
I really do hope things work out, but I think things are in bad enough shape that they might not, this has been in the works for over a year now, and it seems like there is an issue for us to deal with from every night last week!
Argh!I will get through this 
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-Sheri
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Yikes, I guess you are kinda right, it may just happen. It is especially hard because we were best friends, and still kinda are. We do have alot of 'issues', especially lately, the maint hing is that he is negative to any new things I want to try, I think it is because he is intimidated that he is not expanding his horizons. I do not consider myself better than him, I didn't mean my post to sound that way, I just feel we are in two seperate directions with our personality right now.
We'll see what happens, he wants 'one last ' try (this has been like his 5th one ), so I am giving it to him, we will see what happens. I know I hav4e to try to, but it always seems like I am the one that puts the effort in, so I am making sure that he does his part this time. If it is not meant to be, then it won't work out and we can move on. Atleast we won't wonder what would have been if we didn't try...
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-Sheri
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Sinead,
I know that what is on the outside is superficial and doesn't count, and I don't mind at all that he wears whatever during the week or just around the house or to the grocery store or whatnot. But, like you said, I like him to look nice if we go out somewhere. He trys to get away with the least possible that he can. Friday we went to a bar/dance club, and he was going to wear his sneakers!  I told him that there was probably a dress code like most places, so he said he would bring other shoes just in case. Well, he wound up wearing the nice shoes, which was good becuase there WAS a dress code.
The main reason I am trying to get some nicer clothes in his wardrobe is that we are going to be at these places more often, now that I am twenty one. And I mentioned it would be nice if he dressed in clothes that weren't falling apart or that have the YEAR (when they are almost ten years old) printed on them really large times when we go out to dinner, even if it is not a nice place. I am not a high-fashion dressing girl myself, so I don't want him to be too dressy, that would be awkward, too!
I think he is upset with me about other things, and that is why he blurted it out. he also says I am trying to change the way he eats, and that is not true! I ask if he wants my healthy stuff, but never force it, and I could care less what he orders places! The only time when I input about it is when he mentions IBS-like symptoms and I suggest what he could eat til he is back to having his iron stomach.
Like I said, I guess this is just everything coming to a head, and I kinda feel like I am being a brat, because these views are actually opposite of how I usually am! I guess it just seems like he doesn't try at all on 'us', and that is what everythign is stemming from.
Thanks for your input. 
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-Sheri
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thanks for the support Amanda and Casey... I was wondering if manners went out of style or something
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-Sheri
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Hey Sheri,
I totally understand about the dork comment now. I am proud to admit that I'm a dork/geek! Have you noticed that most of the 'cool' people in middle school and highschool haven't really done much and are boring to hang around?
I wish you the best of luck with your relationship and that you're happy. Hopefully things will work out. However, sometimes people just work out better as friends. I'm now best friend's with one of my ex's. It was really hard to break up, and there were a couple of years where things were awkward, but now we get along great. But neither of us want to date each other.
I totally see where you are coming from with this incident.
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