How did you tell your friends/partner?
#126766 - 12/01/04 04:15 PM
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Ravenndark
Reged: 11/28/04
Posts: 531
Loc: the internet
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Alright, sounds stupid, but...well...I'm 16!
Most people my age generally don't talk about 'D' or 'C', or what goes on in our intestines. I'm comfortable with it, talking to one of my friends, but I have yet to tell my boyfriend or any of my other friends.
I'm not even sure if I should tell them yet or not. I keep thinking that I'll get stable (though I won't until I get more test results back, and see the doc again), and then I can get on with my life. I just...want my boyfriend to be able to understand what's going on, without getting a little wierded out. I know, it sounds petty, but...it's just...
So how did you all tell your partners, a date, a friend?
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Well...
#126768 - 12/01/04 04:23 PM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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With my current boyfriend, he knew ALL about my problems, in detail, before I even met him for the first time. That's just the kind of relationship we have - we're very comfortable with each other. It helps that he has digestive issues too, so I guess that's an unfair advantage. Hehe.
In the past, I've always just explained right from the beginning that I have "stomach problems", and that there's lots of things I can't eat, and that I may have to run for the bathroom now and then, stuff like that. I don't think I ever put it in more specific terms (D, C, cramps, etc) until I was considering living with a guy. That might work, if you're not too comfortable with the idea of really talking about it... I've always found that "stomach problems" covers it, most people don't need to know more details. 
Oh yeah, and I always use the "stomach problems" thing with friends, too... again, unless they're VERY close friends, it's adequate.
By the way, it's not petty at all... it's a legitimate worry. Good luck. 
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For a long while, I didn't tell anyone, and it made it SOOOO much worse because I didn't have a support system ...
But when I did start telling people, I had two tactics:
1) "I have a stomach disorder" and I can't go out to eat, or prefer not to, or I can't go out right now but would love to when I'm feeling better, or I'm not up to that right now, would you like to do this instead?
OR 2) If I was comfortable with them, I would just explain it. The thing you need to realize (and what took me for-EVER to learn) is that EVERYONE has D or C at some point. Yeah, people don't bring it up as a conversation piece, but good friends will understand the problem and not be grossed out by it if you just explain.
And you may even find that your friends will have stories of their own - when I told a Marine friend of mine, he gave me a story about his whole barracks having D at the same time during boot camp. And it really made me feel a lot better to tell him because I knew he really understood.
Try to determine how comfortable you are with which people, their personalities and how they're likely to be able to help you. And if they do behave like butts about it, shove 'em off and find some more supportive people 
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~*Amber*~
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Well, the thing is, I've been dating this guy for almost four months, and my IBS started at exactly the same time, so basically, I've had "stomach problems" since we started dating. I know he understands, but he knows that I'm hiding some small detail of these "stomach problems". I don't know, he just signed onto messenger, perhaps it'd be easier online.
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I explain I have a chronic stomach disorder and there are a lot of things I can't eat or else I get sick. I usually get a few questions then, which I answer as tactfully as I can. My current boyfriend knew that I couldn't eat certain things (the way he asked me out was he came to my dorm room(at the time) door and asked me to ask him out on whatever my version of coffee was; we ended up taking a walk for over an hour and just talking the next night once I got up the guts to ask him. But the point is that he knew that I couldn't go have coffee because of my IBS, he just didn't know at the time that's what it was). He knows all about it now, we've been dating for a year and a half, we just gradually talked about it as things came up. My roommates all know about it, and sometimes can keep track of things I can't eat. Just explain it as the situation arises, explaining as much as you're comfortable with.
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Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent
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Hi Ravenndark!
I can relate to this because I was 13 when I first got sick. Honestly I didn't discuss it too much, and I was lucky because I could ignore the D/C... the thing I had to explain was that I threw up a lot because I had constant nausea. My best friend was always really great about it, and my other friends knew that I got sick a lot and they just ignored it. I got really used to throwing up quickly and discreetly and going back to normal life. Partially I think I was lucky because I was already a vegetarian and didn't eat a lot of the foods that cause us trouble. And the one boyfriend I had during high school was great about it too. I've been reading your threads and I know you've said you've had problems with your friends about it. I'm really sorry that you have all of this to deal with at once. I think it's pretty overwhelming, especially when you're in high school and don't have control over your life yet. All I can say is it will get easier with practice, there are people out there who will be friends through good and bad, but these things take a lot of time to find and do. So no quick fix- but encouragement. And we're always here if you need to vent about disease things.
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heh.... send him a link here! Let the interweb do the explaining for you! 
I haven't told many people at all. I told my boyfriend in small packets at a time, starting with "digestive problems" and slooooooowly working my way up to "good grief, I haven't been since last Saturday!"
My parents still don't really have much of a clue about how lousy I really feel. I was diagnosed after I'd left home and I haven't had the heart to tell Mum that I feel sick ALL the time.
I'm not really much help in the telling-people department I guess, as I'm so low-key on it myself.
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*Emma*
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I think letting people know is important. If they don't know, they can't support you. Tell your boyfriend you have IBS. You don't have to go into detail at first. He'll probably then ask questions more and more and then you can explain or point him to this site!
And like someone else (Jenny?) said, everyone has D or C at some time! That's not limited to us lot. 
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