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Give us his address/email and we will bombard him with insults and see how he likes it.
I think that no matter how sweet guys are to our faces they do have these kinds of conversations all the time (BF would deny this but from my brothers and male buddies I know the truth!) His mistake was being such an idiot as to say this stuff to his face. I would confront him, tell him how much that stuff hurt you and that you are feeling vulnerable at the moment and it was really the last thing you needed, and him lying about it only made it worse.
Waiting for your post to tell us how much he grovelled and how big a bunch of flowers you got!!
Take care, sending you bucketfuls of hugs!
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S.
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Hey steph, I havent been on the boards much for the last couple of days due to a major deadline at uni, hence the reason Ive only just got round to typing this post! Had to come on and just let you know that you are a fabulous person and I know better times are ahead for you in canada...Im sure you'll be posting in a couple of months about how happy you are! Im just so sorry you're having it so rough at the moment and I can relate to so many of the things you've said...I got really ill when I was 13 and remember thinking like you I hope I never feel worse than this or I wont cope...and yes getting IBS at age 15 made me feel even worse! It can be so hard sometimes to stay upbeat no matter how much of a positive person you are underneath. As for your boyfriend Im sure everything will work out ok, Im sure he didnt mean it. You are a fantastic person and Im sure he'd be devastated if he lost you...he needs to know how lucky he is to have such a wonderful person! Do you know you're the first person whos posts I read when I first started using this website way back when. I always enjoy reading what you have to say....you're such a nice person and being young myself Ive been through a lot that you have and felt the same way too. Take care of yourself and stay positive, we're always here for you....keep us updated xx
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 Natalie
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ok.. I dunno if you remember about six months ago me and all my boy problems with my ex vinnie. Trust me, I know how hard it is not to want to stay and make things work, and to give in and think things are ok when they really aren't. Not that i'm saying that this is the case with you at all, but even when everyone else would say vinnies an a$$ dumped him.. it took quite a few times before I realized he really was being an ass.
Anyways, I do have a point! haha.
During this time.. a great friend from the boards (amandapanda) who I basically can't go a day without talking to now gave me some great advice.
Go back and reread all of your old posts. I did and it really put things in perspective. I can't go back and reread yours now cause i have way too much school work and i don't even remember if you'll even find anything bad that you've said about him before, but I remember you calling Adrian an A$$ on way more than one occassion.
Anyways.. Definitly go back and check them out. And i'm not telling you to dump him.. but maybe it will remind you of just how long this stuff is happening and prompt you to have a serious conversation about how to really fix things for good.
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Hi Sinead!
I agree - I know guys have these conversations, but as long as I don't hear them I can live in the naive world of, "Well, MY boyfriend certainly doesn't do that!".
One thing that has always been really hard for me in relationships is that when I was in highschool, I was good friends with two guys who used to be pretty bad in that way. I was sorta adopted as 'one of the guys' for a while, and was included in all these conversations... Needless to say, I was shocked at the things they would say about their girlfriends! Then, I sort of got seen as more of a girl.. but they always used to make me feel really fat and unattractive and stuff 'cause of course they liked twig girls, and even though I was never fat I never felt like a girl guys would like.. if that makes any sense.. Just based on what they'd go on about.
It took me AGES to get over all that.. Well, alright, it's a longer story than that as I was actually head over heels for one of my friends who I ended up doing bad stuff with and let him make me feel like crap for about 2 years, but anyway.. 
I intend to explain that to Adrian, and let him know that I have no intention of letting him act in any similar way and finding myself back feeling self conscious and bad about myself.
Update: He has called and left me a bunch of messages, but I haven't called back. THEN his Dad rung him to see where he was (as his Dad is crazy and still thinks his 24 year old son is 12 (he's called him once since then)) and Adrian asked for me, so his Dad passed the phone over. As it was in front of his parents, I couldn't really do anything so I just took the phone and he told me where he was and how his Leaving Do was going (it's his last day at work from his 5 year job so it's a big deal - another reason I didn't want to fight with him on the phone). He asked if I was mad, and 'cause I was still in front of his parents I just said, "Okay, see you when you get home. Bye." and put the phone down so it seemed pleasant.
I was thinking about printing off everyone's responses from here and showing them to him, just to hammer the point home but I'm not sure.. I might just have words, or give him a letter. Or I might do nothing because he'll be drunk from his leaving do and it might be best to leave it.. so maybe a letter would be better.
I'll let you know how it goes!
I've told 2 people that know Adrian what happened, and they were all surprised and then just said, "Well, you know he didn't mean it... He was just being stupid around his friend 'cause he's weird like that." and then swore up and down that he would never do something like that on his own and was most likely just laughing along to his stupid friends as he was so drunk. Not an excuse I know, but at least he got good character references.
--Steph
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Steph,
I wouldn't print the responses out...my BF would freak if he though I spent my time on the boards talking about our fights, he is paranoid.
You are right not to spoil his leaving do, and at least he did call, he is obviously feeling bad. Something tells me that you will be getting woken up by a drunken cutie later apologising while slurring and telling you how much he loves you and how lucky he is to have you.
You should say that he upset you because you are very sensitive about your weight and being spoken about like that and that you will explain all the reasons another time. (in my experience if you manage to get all this out before he is drunkenly snoring you are doing well...  )
How many days on the countdown? You fly Monday is it?
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S.
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DAMN!
#127126 - 12/02/04 03:50 PM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Oh, sweetie, I don't know where to begin.
I read your initial post, and I had a lot to say, but then when I began reading your update, I got so angry, I couldn't read any more of it. I'm sure you don't wanna hear what I really have to say, because it's not nice.
You can do SOOOO much better! Girlfriend, you have so much to offer, I just wish you realized it. You're so young, with your lifetime ahead of you, and you're wasting it on people who don't appreciate you. Believe me, I know -- the older you get, the more you realize life is too short to blow it with people who don't really love you.
I just know you will be so much happier when you move home. I had hoped that would have happened by now -- WHEN is it scheduled? I know you'll be much more comfortable around your family and people who truly DO love you, you'll be more relaxed, you'll start feeling better, and you'll get some good medical help. You need a good doctor, someone who will listen to you and try to help you. You obviously haven't gotten it over there.
I'm sorry, but I never did finish your post; I couldn't do it. I hope you will take a good look in the mirror at a lovely deserving young lady who can see above all that crap you're being dealt right now, and I hope you're strong enough to move away from it.
{{{{Hugs}}}}
Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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For Bev
#127131 - 12/02/04 04:06 PM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Hi Bev,
I haven't posted to you in ages! It's nice to hear from you again... well, maybe not nice considering the post, but you know what I mean.
First things first, I am moving back to Canada on Wednesday. I have already told my mom I want an appointment with my GP, she has looked into GI docs for me and I have more recently decided to get set up with a counsellor so I can hopefully not have such deep valleys when they come along.
Thank you for being angry for me.. I know that's a bit weird, but it does make me feel like I have support!
I think the reason I am mostly having a hard time with this is because Adrian is not a cruel person. In truth, he has had a hard time understanding all the stuff that goes along with having a girlfriend with IBS, BUT he has been more supportive to me than anyone in my family or my friends have ever been.
Then he swears up and down that it was his friends doing most of the complaining about their own girlfriends, and they have since admitted that the thing about 'surprised I'm not fatter than I am considering how lazy I am' was actually said by his friend, about his own girlfriend and he tried to say Adrian had said it.
I just want to hear it straight, then I'd be able to make up my own mind.. but by the time I got to Adrian, he was already too drunk to really follow much of the conversation at all.
I have written him a letter, explaining how much he hurt my feelings and how I am aware that there are certain people you are not required to keep in your life no matter what they say to you.. I've explained how bad I've been feeling (as I have been keeping it from him lately), how hard it is for me to be so 'lazy', how I expect nothing less than unconditional love and respect and that if he can't show me that he is on board with that 100%, he shouldn't make the big move with me.
Because he's never done anything like this before, I am hoping that the letter (and him sleeping on the floor tonight, which he doesn't yet know about) and because he really has been acting strange lately because of the move that I won't ever have to worry about it again. I have made it clear, though, that if I ever do... it will be the last time. That terrifies me, as I don't want to lose him.. on a good day, today I could let him sleep on the driveway. 
Where are you living now? We are driving to California in May and maybe we'll be able to stop by and say hello in you're on the way!
Thanks again for the post, all the responses have made me a wee bit emotional as I was feeling pretty low before I read them all.
*hugs*
Don't be a stranger!
Luv Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Hi there, hope you don't mind a boy butting in on the conversation. All us IBS'ers know that there are plenty of people out there worse off than us etc, (how many times have i heard that!) yet having this condition where you feel below par fairly constantly can tend to make you react to life in general quite negatively a lot of the time. We have to actively work harder to maintain a positive outlook, lets face it we all deserve medals!
Before i get lost in a twist of words let me try to cut to the chase.......in reading your posts, it appears to me that you do get stressed out a lot, which leads into the negative thought patterns and dispair (don't envy your life situation, torn between countries etc at all!).
Can i just suggest that if you haven't tried the hypno cd's that they might help a lot, as a lot of it is about training the mind to react to situations in a positive and helpful way. I have found this to be extremely helpful, not only in dealing directly with IBS, but just in being more able to relax and think things through re life in general. RE-inforcing the positive thought patterns as opposed to the negative.
This might appear a little rude, but please no offence intended, but perhaps a good place to start would be to change your log in name from unhappy tummy to something more positive. Even though you know the tummy could be better behaved, every time you see it on the screen this is in effect negatively re-inforcing in the sub-conscious the fact that you have an unhappy tummy, which won't help, after all we wouldn't leave post it notes on the fridge telling our selves we feel sick now would we.
These are just my thoughts, and i know from experience that the last thing we like to hear when we are down is someone saying "think positive", but it is oh so important! i hope that things improve for you soon
all the best
Ralph
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The CDs have been really really helpful for me. And I have thought the same thing, Steph, about your screenname. I think, sometimes, when we are so used to feeling bad all the time, that it just becomes a familiar kind of pain, and we either let it linger because we don't care anymore, or we linger in it because as much as it's uncomfortable, at least it's familiar. Does that make any sense? Like, nobody enjoys feeling crappy, so don't misunderstand, but I think sometimes we are afraid to let go of the icky feelings because our brains get nervous about change. I'm not a shrink, that's just my two cents.
You have to make up your own mind about Adrian. Sounds like you are thinking about things carefully. We all put up with things that our friends never would, and vice versa. So in the end, you have to decide what you are willing to put up with, ya know? Good luck, feel better, stay healthy,
Panda
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Quote:
Like, nobody enjoys feeling crappy, so don't misunderstand, but I think sometimes we are afraid to let go of the icky feelings because our brains get nervous about change.
Hi Panda, and isn't that the strangest feeling revelation when the penny drops that our brain might be holding onto this familiar discomfort! There were several moments throughout the tapes where i realised that my mind was trying a little sabotage to hold onto old patterns!
Ralph
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