daliatree
#126876 - 12/02/04 04:06 AM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Hi there,
It's amazing how you think that you're the only person feeling the way you do, but then when you put it out there you realise so many people feel the same way!
I know exactly what you mean about crying not because of the symptoms but because of how they effect your life. I feel exactly the same way. And I used to say the exact same thing, if I knew I was gonna be sick from a certain time, I could plan my life around it but it just comes at any old time.
I am really hoping things change once I get home, and I do intend to help that along by talking at length with my doctor (and seeing a different one if she won't listen to me 'at length'), getting together with a therapist and getting more structure back to my life.
Thanks very much for your response, it did make me feel loads better.
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Has your doctor done a colonoscopy to rule out IBDs?
Just wondering since you said that you're following Heather's diet and still getting frequent attacks.
I have UC and even with Heather's diet I was still having frequent attacks until the dr. changed my meds.
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Michele
#126879 - 12/02/04 04:10 AM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Hi Michele,
Thanks for your post.. I know you are going through a lot right now too so I really appreciate you replying to me. All the replies really helped me out of a slump.
That is _exactly_ how I feel.. like an empty feeling when the doctor says nothing is wrong, and I am in so much pain and so nauseous that I want to scream, "Of course something is wrong!!".
I haven't actually ever taken Zoloft.. The only one I've taken is the one I'm on now, which is amitryptiline (sp??). I am only on 20mgs, so it's not very strong. I don't know if it's SSRI or tricyclic.. I don't even know what that means! It has helped with the anxiety about going out, but it doesn't stop me from going into to major upsets and sadness.
I'll have to look into my insurance once I get back to see if counselling is covered.. I was also thinking that because I am going to Unviersity, there might be a counselling program through my school so I'll look into that too.
Thanks again for your reply.
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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So I went out to my office Christmas party last night, and had an alright time. Took some immodium and motilium to ward off any attacks or nausea and off I went.
Adrian (bf) went out with his friends to the pub, and when I got home they were sitting in our front room eating pizza. So I sat with them for a bit, and then realised that they had been talking about all kinds of stupid guy things all night.. including me.
Apparently, Adrian has told his friends how I'm fat now and his friend was arguing that I am not as fat as is girlfriend. They were actually arguing about it! Then Adrian went on to say how much lazier women are than men, and how lazy I am. Apparently, he is shocked that I'm not more fat than I am considering how lazy I am.
So I am sitting there, while they are laughing on recounts of these conversations they've had, not even knowing how to react. In the beginning, I was laughing 'cause I can take a joke and stuff but then it just got really offensive and I didn't even know what to say.
Then I guess they realised that I wasn't really happy and started taking it all back, saying they'd never said any of it.. but they were really drunk and stupid and I am actually NOT stupid.
So then they tried to make it better by telling me that Adrian had actually also paid me compliments. Now, I'm not gonna say here exactly what that compliment was but it was sexual and it was not what I would call a compliment. I was so embarassed and hurt that I just sat there for a minute before they all left.
Then I told Adrian how much he had hurt my feelings, and he just kept saying he hadn't said any of it.. when he had admitted he had! So I called him a liar, and he copped up to saying some of it and then just said he hadn't meant to upset me!
Okay, sometimes I am kinda lazy.. but a lot of the time I am really ill. And lots of the time, I would LOVE to be able to hop up and go to the gym but I am too busy feeling nauseous and dizzy, or stuck on the loo.. or feeling like I am about to have to run to the loo. And the thing is, I do go to the gym. When I am feeling good, I try and go like twice a week.. sometimes I don't make it for a month, sometimes I go every few weeks but I do try and go as often as I can. It's not the same as it is with Adrian, he can go to the gym at work on his lunch breaks - I have to pay the equivalent of $12.50 CDN every time I want to go, and it is really far from where I was working.
But even if I didn't ever go the gym, he still shouldn't be saying things like that about me!! I tried to explain when we were all sitting there that it's not right to tell your girlfriend she's fat, and they said it was about being honest.. I said it wasn't honest, it was cruel and they just laughed and disagreed. In this "honesty" he also admitted that he wouldn't love me anymore if I got really fat - and I said that was disgusting, that you'd just stop loving someone??? Then he mentioned this girl he broke up with a few years ago, just because she'd put on weight.
I haven't spoken to Adrian since we argued before we went to bed, after I told him that if that is how he sees me, I don't want to be with him. He's called me twice today, but I haven't answered.
I feel really let down.. and really angry for him doing to this to me when I am already feeling so fragile. Normally, Adrian is really great.. but this is just really low I think.
I am going to go start packing and try to take my mind off of it.
Thanks for the ears.. or eyes, as it is..
Luv Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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I hate to say it it but men like that you don't need in your life.. I'd talk ot him about how hurt you feel because your issues aren't laziness as much as ill health and if he's going to behave like that you don't want him in your life.. then start looking at alternative living arrangements.. I hate to say it.. but sometimes we need to cut the bad stff out even if it hurts and sometimes thats people..its why I have less to do with certian of my family members then I'd like to and if it was up to me I'd never talk to them or see them again because I realized how toxic the relationships were and that I didn't need the stress or pain in my life... good luck! you will find the right, understanding guy!
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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Adrian had no right (drunk or not) to say such horrible things. I can't imagine how horrible it was for you to sit there through all of it. He's being an insensitive jerk. He owes you BIG TIME apologies and I mean huge. Don't let him get away with it. You are not fat by any means. You're a terrific person and if he doesn't see that you can send him packin!
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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I have to go to class.. but I just wanted to say..
the love of your life is supposed to build you up and make you shine.. not bring you down. Honestly, good times totally shade bad times and make them ok.. but if the bad times outweigh the good its not always a good relationship to be in.
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Oh Steph, you poor thing! You have been through so much, it's no wonder you're having so many problems. You've been living in a stressful house for a long time now and trying to cope with so many, many things.
I'll be so glad when you get out of there and back to your family. I'm sure things will start to improve because you'll be able to relax a little and sort things out and get the help you need. It's been so chaotic for you.
When you get back, I hope you'll find a good counselor and a good doctor. I think we've all been where you are to some degree; the feelings of hopelessness and having no control over how we feel everyday. Some of your post reminded me of myself right now. Recently, I've been having feelings of depression come on me out of the blue and it's like a cloud that just won't lift. Everything looks dark and bleak from under this cloud. I get worried and anxious about every little ache or pain or anything that even seems a little different. It gets very tiring living like this everyday. I know just what you mean about worrying about it all and being sick all the time. I'll do fine until some little physical thing pops up, and then -BOOM- I'm right back under that dark cloud. I have a doctor appointment today for my tummy and I'm hoping I can mention my depression and anxiety. I'm so afraid I'm going to break down and then feel like a goof. Thanks for telling us how you feel. It made me feel like at least I'm not alone right now. There's someone else out there who is with me.
There's so many people on these boards who have been helped, so we know that we can be helped, too.
I'm mad at your boyfriend for being so mean. I've gained a lot of weight in the last few years due to thyroid and other things. My husband tells me i'm beautiful no matter what. I put myself down, but he doesn't. If your boyfriend would really leave you if you were fat, then he's not worth keeping. Stand your ground as best you can. I know you're delicate right now and you may not be up to a good fight for yourself. If not, don't worry about that too. After you get back home, you're going to get help and get better and stronger. You'll be able to tackle whatever you need to on your behalf.
You're going to be okay, Steph. God bless you, you sweet girl.
Terri
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Oh sweetie...that was soooo incredibly mean and insensitive of him...wow...and at such a hard time in your life...this may be hard to hear but I am going to say it anyway: it doesn't sound like he is really in touch with your suffering...somebody that actually 'got' how much hell you are going through would NEVER ever ever kick you when you are down, and would definetly never say anything like that about you anyway!! Its totally uncalled for and NOT proper boyf behaviour...esp infront of his friends. I am not surprised you are not talking to him.
We are all different: but I live my relationships according to principles, and I have to be honest, but if my boyf did that to me I would be SERIOUSLY considering moving on. The very symbolism of his lack of complete support is very obvious here...he is just not getting your IBS and how it effects you (are you open with him about how much you are going through with it, or does he just see you lying around? that could be a prob, you MUST open up with your partner about it)...and it is a unfortunately fundamental part of your life.
I know you are about to move to Canada with him (he might be feeling insecure about the impending move, and thats why he is possibly being self defensive and cruel...big moves to funny things to people)...but what he did is so so so mean...there is NO justification for it. He totally disrespected you infront of his friends and humiliated you.
I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but its because you really deserve the best, and to give yourself the best. You need a man who is going to pamper you and nurture you, not someone who is going to kick you when you are down. Please keep us updated on what happens and STAND YOUR GROUND,he must know this is totally UNACCEPTABLE...has he ever done something like this before?
Lots of love and a big hug XXXX
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Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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