Anyone remember my gay guy drama? An update
#118198 - 11/02/04 04:30 PM
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Well I just wanted to share that I was still in touch with him. But not like before. I would email him say 3 emails throughout the work day and I'd be lucky if he'd write back to one. I asked him so many times if he wanted me to stop and he kept saying no that he was going through a very rough period. He has strep throat AND mono. I guess I felt bad for him. Most of my emails were joke forwards with short "hope your day is going well" notes.
Anyhow, today was the last straw!  I hadn't seen him for 2 1/2 weeks so I asked him for the 4th time if I could stop by his office for a quick chat. He ALWAYS made excuses as to why he was too busy (but swore that he wasn't avoiding me and was just super busy). I believed him. Duh!
I was sitting near his office by myself waiting for the others to come to yoga class when out he comes. He came over to me and asked a few quick small-talk questions. His eyes were so cold and he looked so emotionless. I was used to the happy, smiley guy.
I asked how he was nad he told me about the mono. I also asked him point-blank if he had been avoiding me and he said yes. But that he was avoiding everyone. Ya whatever...
Then the new yoga instructor came so he started talking to her and basically ignored me completely. He didn't even acknowledge me when I went into the class. He ran into his co-worker (and my friend) as she was coming to class and I heard him saying that he was so busy and had all these calls to make that morning. His excuse about not wanting me to visit him was that he had too many phone calls to make. So he was saying that to her solely for my benefit. SO LAME.
Anyhow, I finally had enough. I sent him an email saying that I was very dissapointed in his behaviour over the last few weeks and that he should not treat people that way. I told him that I wanted nothing to do with him anymore and that I wasn't wasting any more time on him! I also wrote that I would tell him off but for the sake of running into each other occasionally I wouldn't bother. He definitely got the hint though! 
It felt soooo good!!!  
Thankfully, he didn't respond and would be pretty dumb to as it's way too late for any apologies.
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Good for you.
#118275 - 11/02/04 07:57 PM
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UrbanRain
Reged: 10/15/04
Posts: 129
Loc: Los Angeles (San Fernando Valley), Calif.
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Regardless of one's sexual orientation, a creep is a creep.
Bob.
PS: Don't let the turkey's get you down.
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Life is transitory, love is not!
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Ha, ha. Thanks Bob. 
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Hi Sara,
So I'll start with a couple things. 1: I sort of followed your inital drama but was away so may have missed some things. 2: I've obviously never met you or your friend so I can't say for sure.
But, I am kinda confused. No one says you have to be friends with him and if I'm in a friendship where the other person isn't putting in any effort than there's no point.
Here's where I'm confused though. He is gay, maybe kind of a flirt, but the fact that he's gay should instantly tell that he's unavaliable. The fact that you find him attractive and fun can definitely confuse the issue.
But let's look at it a different way, suppose there was a guy who liked you and was really interested in you, but you let him know flat out that you liked him as a friend but weren't interested in him any more than that. Now if that guy gave you lots of attention everyday, I think that you'd start getting weirded out. "Why is this guy giving me so much attention? He knows I've got a boyfriend."
Secondly I think there was a difference in the way men and women think (gay or not). You asked him if he minded that you keep giving him attention and sending him e-mails. To him, it was fine if you kept sending him e-mails. To him however, there's nothing in the question about returning any e-mails. If you had asked him if he'd send you back e-mails that you sent, his answer would most likely be that he was too busy.
Now with regards to the Mono, one of my friends got it in Highschool and I didn't see her for 4 months. She just slept the whole day and when I asked if I could come over she said no. She later apologized, but said that she really had no desire to see anybody or do anything, period. So I honestly wouldn't take it personally. I think the statement of him avoiding everybody is a valid one. As well, that could definitely explain why his eyes were cold and emotionless.
It's totaly possible that this guy is a complete jerk. If you're not happy in a friendship then don't be in it, but I just figured I'd add a bit of guy's perspective on things. (I don't mean any offence)
Good Luck,
Jamie
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Hi Jamie,
Thanks for your nice letter. 
I know I should have backed off LONG ago. I was under the impression that we could still be friends and that with time things would be back to how they were. I was totally wrong about that.
I agree with you about the emails. Yes, he didn't mind receiving them but obviously responding to all of them is a different story. I guess I assumed when I asked that it also meant he wouldn't mind writing to me as well.
About the mono. I know he's having a very tough time with it. Maybe I mistook his appearance for being cold but I definitely detected a lack of interest. Whether it was from exhaustion or not.
I've never had a friend tell me that they had a crush on me. Maybe I don't realize how much that can freak someone out. I honestly thought he'd laugh since he's gay and obviously unavailable.
It all boils down to the fact that I'm tired of chasing him for something he can't give me. He OBVIOUSLY doesn't want me as any kind of a friend as he hasn't responded to my email. I'm not surprised at all because if he didn't respond to happy, positive emails wishing him a good day why would he to a "nasty-ish" one?
And yes, I have decided that he's just a jerk. Period.
It's so great having guys on this site as it offers new insight into things.
Thanks again!
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My brother was gay and the sweetest guy around. He died of Aids a few years ago. BUT every other gay man I have ever known is beyond self-centered. So maybe that will make you feel better. The two I worked for treated me infamously! fired me and made me sign I was quitting so I couldn't get unemployment! So I am embittered now. Anyway your x-friend is just a selfish, vain jerk. Good riddance.
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IBS-A for 20 years with terrible bloating and gas. On the diet since April 2004. Remember this from Heather's information pages:
"You absolutely must eat insoluble fiber foods, and as much as safely possible, but within the IBS dietary guidelines. Treat insoluble fiber foods with suitable caution, and you'll be able to enjoy a wide variety of them, in very healthy quantities, without problem." Please eat IF foods!
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I'm so sorry for your loss, Little Minnie.
~nelly~
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Thanks for sharing that Little Minnie.
I am also sorry to hear about the loss of your brother.
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Ohhhh Tamara! You never told me about that! I'm so sorry to hear that you lost him! **hugs**
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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Sara, I was thinking the same things Jamie was saying, only he was saying them -- and doing it a lot better than I could have.
I followed your first thread on this, and made several suggestions, one of which (I believe) was: "if you're still hot for him, get over it." Like Jamie, I don't mean any disrespect, but it seems obvious that this guy ain't interested. Just your e-mailing him and then waiting to meet with him indicates you can't let it go. That's too bad; it's also too bad that you ever have to see him again.
I'd avoid him like the plague. BTW, how are you and the BF doing? Are you two still "together"? I thought your awareness of your attraction to the gay guy made you also aware that you were no longer attracted to the BF, isn't that what I read? Or did I mis-read you?
Sara, you can do SOOO much better than this guy. I'm just wondering if maybe you're still hot for him only because there isn't someone else in your life right now. If that's the case, hang in there -- something MUCH better will come along (provided you're open to it).
Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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