My grandfather has cancer
#113622 - 10/17/04 03:53 PM
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heather7476
Reged: 08/09/04
Posts: 2996
Loc: South East Michigan
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My mom just called my grandpa in GA has Lung cancer. He is 79. It's my mom's dad. I haven't seen him in 4 years. the last time I saw him I found out I was pregnant the day we got back. He has never even seen Kenna in person. I can't belive this happing. I am getting to the age where I am going to start loseing my grandparents. I just posted how lucky I was to still have all my grandparents. I lost my mom's real mom before I was evven born. That is the only grandparent i have lost. My grandpa's second wife has always benn Grandma. My mom Is going crazy trying to figure out when she can get to GA. I will go when she does.
It is so hard to drive 12 hours with a little kid. That is why we haven't been back. What a stupid reason for not seeing my family in 4 years. I just don't know what to do. My heart is breaking and I can't even think of what to do next!!!
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Heather7476
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heather, lots of *HUG*S and trust me I understand - before my sisters wedding I hadn't seen my grandfather in 2+ years and we don't have kids.. he wasn't at my wedding because he was so sick then, and it was the start of a series of illnesses that have left him unable to drive, among other things... and greatly robbed his physical strength although thankfully not his mental fortitude.. we are going again in Jan after missing his 80th birthday party due to circumstances I can't control!
Amie
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
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Hugs for Heather
#113638 - 10/17/04 06:19 PM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Heather, I don't know what to say to you to make you feel better. I wish I did.
I have no family. My mother and I are estranged, and have been for over 25 years. I don't even know if she's still alive. I also don't know where my brother are anymore.
My dear father died 32 years ago, and I am still grieving. The other day I accidentally played a tape of a phone conversation between him and I in 1971 -- the only tape I have of his voice. I totally broke down when I heard his voice, his wonderful, beautiful, loving voice -- I just fell on the floor, crying uncontrollably -- and finally had to stop the tape and leave the room.
It is something you NEVER get over. This man loved me dearly -- thank God -- because I certainly didn't get that from my mother or my brothers. His death was the end of my family.
My suggestion is to spend as much time as you can with those who love you -- and ONLY those; don't waste your time with people who abuse you, either mentally or physically. Take videos of your loved ones so that you can look at them later when they are gone and remember that you were loved.
{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}
Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Oh Heather!  I'm so sorry to hear this~ It's so painful to find something like this out when you are far away and can't visit. I wish there was something I could do for you.
Can you write your grandpa a letter? Or call him? I'll bet he'd love to hear that you're thinking of him and planning to visit, and maybe bringing Kenna with you (if you think it's manageable). Maybe, while you are waiting to go, you could make a scrapbook for him of the times you've spent together. Or some other craft he can cherish, that you and Kenna make together.
Take care of yourself hon, and your family. Inspiration will come to you, something you can do for yourself and your grandfather. Remember that we will be here for you, when you want to cry, and we'll help as best we can.
All my hugs and love to you, and my prayers to your family.
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~*Amber*~
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Thank You so much ladies for you support. I am just still in a "I can't belive this" stage. It doesn't seem real. I am affarid to have hope because of his age. I am not sure what to expect.
Amber thanks for your ideas I think I will sit down and write him a letter. Kenna will be coming with me when I go. I just hope we get to go soon!! You are such a sweet heart!!! Lots of love to you. I hope youe BF feels better soon!!
Amie, Thanks hon. It helps to know I am not the only one who feels like this!! I hope you enjoyed your visit with your mom!!
Bevrs, I am sorry that you can't have a relationship with your mom and brother's. I also some issues with my dad and his new family. I am sorry listening to that tape upset you so much HUGS. I hope one day you can listen to it and smile!! Thanks for understanding!!!
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Heather7476
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It's ok Heather, these things happen. You are very lucky to still have grandparents, alot of people don't. My family seems to live forever, I lost my GREAT grandmother a year ago, she was 99.
You cvan't beat yourself up for not visiting, it happens. It is hard when you live far away from family.
You will figure out something to go see him. Just don't stress out over it. You need to stay in good health to be able to be here for him.
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-Sheri
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Write him a letter telling him how much you love him and how you wish you'd seen more of him. Call him and tell him you're bringing Kenna to see him. And go visit him. It'll mean so much to all of you. Could Kenna say hi over the phone? I bet he'd love that.
My granpa died a couple of years ago, but by the time he died, he was totally senile and didn't recognize any of us. Be thankful your granpa isn't going that way and can enjoy life till the last minute. It's horrible losing someone in any situation, but there are still good and bad ways to go.
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Heather, I'm so sorry. My grandpa died about 8 years ago from complications of alzheimers. He was so senile at the end he didn't reconize us. You can't go back and change time so instead of feeling bad you haven't spent more time with him, do it now! As someone mentioned, call him, write him a letter, anything! Be sure Keena gets to meet him, take photos when you go to visit to have something to remember him by.
I'm so sorry, big hugs to you!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Oh Heather that is just awful. All you can do is try to be there for your Mom and talk to her as much as you can. Amber's idea about a letter is great, is he well enough to take a phone call?
Don't start getting upset about what you didn't do but concentrate on what you can do now.
Take care,
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S.
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Thanks hon!! I would call him but he is half deaf and won't talk on the phone. I am going to sit down tonight and write him a long letter!!! I hope I get to go see him soon!!!
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Heather7476
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Thanks you guys for all you support and love!! I will be sure to take lots of pictures while I am there. I am trying not to feel guilty about not going down there in so long but it is hard. My mom is going to try to figure out when she will have the money and the time off from work to go. We are hoping to all maybe go for Thanksgiving!!
Thanks
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Heather7476
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Oh Heather, I'm so sorry about your grandfather. I think the idea of a letter is great. If you have some pictures send them along, I bet he would love that. Maybe even have Kenna draw a special picture for him.
I don't have much of my family left. All my grandparents were gone when I was little. My dad passed away in 1992 and my husband's whole family is gone. The only one left is my mom who is 86 and my sister. I love my mom so dearly that I don't know what I will do if something happens to her. I enjoy every minute that I can spend with her.
Just want you to know that I am thinking of you and hope that you can make the trip at Thanksgiving to see your grandfather.
Hugs
Barbie
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Heather,
I am sorry about your grandfather. And I understand what that is like to be across the country with babies (or toddlers) and to not be able to travel to see them often. That is the way it was with me when my boys were little too. I know it may be hard, but try to go down there to visit with him (and take your little ones!) while you can, because if you don't, I'm afraid you will regret it later. I know I did.
Thinking of you!
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There is never an easy way to hear the words that someone you
love has cancer. Our whole brain goes on OVERLOAD and we just can't believe what we've just found out. Give yourself some to digest the news and then get over to see your Grandparents ASAP, with your little girl. That will make their day to see you both. My sister died of cancer a few years ago and it really helped me to call and email her often. She was in Michigan and I was in Montana. I loved sending her 'net cards (There's some great websites for cards) and loved sending her flowers alot. Plus, there were times when just calling and telling her how much I cared and how much I loved her were a big encouragement to both of us. Get creative, Heather, and I know you will find ways to show your grandfather how much you love him and irregardless of the distance b/w you, you'll find ways to show you care.
God Speed
Janene
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Heather I'm sorry about your grandfather. My grandma has a grapefruit sized tumor on her kidney and I cringe every time the phone rings at an odd time worried that she might have died. My family lives 12 hours away too and I agree, it's SO hard to get to see them with little kids. We see them every year though. Usually the girls and I fly up there for a week or 2 and see everyone. This will inspire you and give you courage to make the drive though...a friend of mine drove to New Jersey from Atlanta with her 4 kids aged 6, 4, 2, and 8 months! It can be done!!! Go now and take lots of pictures of him and your daughter. She may not remember him someday, but you'll have pictures of the 2 of them together that you can show her.
Rena
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I'm so sorry! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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