What do you guys think? A guy question
#110627 - 10/05/04 05:01 PM
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I have a bit of a question.
Ok, it may sound a bit worse than it really is. For the record, I have a boyfriend that I'm happy with. But I have a bit of a crush on another guy. Don't worry - he's gay! But he's so sweet and super cute. Sigh.
Anyone ever had this happen to them before? I guess we'll be friends but every time I look at him I think he's just too damn attractive and why can't he be straight? I met him as he teaches yoga at my work. We get along great as we both have the same kind of silly sense of humour.
He works in my building and we email each other non-stop all day. Just getting to know each other things and talking about weekend and evening plans. I don't get why he is so intense and wants to know so much about me??? I know for a fact that he's gay so it's not like he dates both men and women.
I'm assuming that he just wants a friend and I happen to be a girl. I have told my boyfriend about him (not that he's so damn hot...sorry) and he is totally fine with our friendship. I keep thinking that somehow he does secretly like me. Is this possible?
Help!  
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Yep (shaking head). Those great gay guys. Happened to me in college. So beautiful, so understanding. So non-threatening.
~nelly~
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YES! That's a great decsription of him. What do you do???
p.s. I changed the title of my post and added in some extra info.
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Listen to his guy probs, have him listen to yours. Get his advice on "what to wear." Have flirty girly umbrella drinks with him. Saunter down the hall with him arm-in-arm. Call him on the phone and have him call you. Talk dirt with him about other guys/girls. Talk dirt about technique. You'll get it all out of your system.
You two are looking for the same thing, a guy who does it for you. This will sink in eventually. He'll never be into you, but you can have a really nice, close friendship with him. But it all boils down to he likes men. Have a great time with him, but know this will sink in with you eventually.
It's alllll gooood.
~nelly~
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Yes, he certainly tells me about his guys problems. For someone so appealing, he has his share of single life...? And that's so funny about the clothing thing as he complimented me on a new necklace today. LOL! Also, one day when he taught yoga he wouldn't take off his boots because they looked good, or something funny like that.
Ya, I know he likes men. I have to keep telling myself that! I even tried "flirting" with him in an email as a [test]. He didn't catch on so I told him that I was flirting and he said it's lost on him. YEP! That's so true. Sigh...
I do want a close friendship with him so I guess I can't let on that I'm attracted to him as it might make things weird for him.
Thanks so much Nelly! Sounds like you've been in these shoes before...
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Think Will and Grace. Since a good friendship is the best you can hope for, make the most of it.
Meg
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Yes, I guess that's true. I would be happy if that much happened.
I emailed him early on that it's too bad that he's gay and I'm straight as I think we'd make a good couple. (Like I said, I have a big "crush" on him!)
He wrote back that this way was better because we wouldn't just have sex and then not see each other again. This way we'll remain good friends and it's more long term.
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LOL! Can you tell i've been there?? You're all good, don't worry. Gay guys love to see and be seen. Try letting him know that you're up for a new club or similar bar adventure.
My friend, shawn kept me on as his designated fag hag our first 2 years of college. He was so fun to hang with and I lusted after him, but once I got a jist of the mechanics of what he was into, I was like, Right! Just friends! He also showed me my first (and only!) gay porn. Ugh. It was called Inch by Inch. Some sort of classic. (shudder)
You're totally cool to know and like this guy. I'm sure he appreciates having you around, even if he ends up only letting you into the peripheral part of his life. It's a great chance to be open with someone who shares your experiences, but has a different point of view!!
~nelly~
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Yes, I CAN TELL you've been there. Cool! I need this insight. Your phrase: "lusting after him" is pretty bang on!
He invited me out for birthday drinks but I couldn't go. He said that we'll have to go out another time. Gee, twist my arm. He would be so fun to hang out with outside of work. I'll have to do that for sure. 
I do want to have him in my life. Hopefully he won't get bored with me since I'm "just a girl". That's kinda what I'm afraid of.
The funny thing is that his ex boyfriend (who works there too) and his other co-worker are so puzzled by our sudden friendship. They had no idea that it started and his co-worker wasn't even invited out for drinks for his birthday.
But his ex gives me weird looks and I swear he is somehow jealous? They have a strange friendship now and he swears that they're not involved at all. I believe him.
I guess like you say, it's all good and I just need to go with the flow. 
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Sara-sage,
I am sure that your lust will eventually turn off, it always does once the reality sets in. Or maybe that is why you have the attraction, you don't feel bad about it, even though you have a boyfriend, cause this gay guy is out of reach and out of the question for obvious reasons.
I have had quite a few gay guy friends, and have seen this scenerio far too often! Although I have not been a part of it.
Even if he trys to not be gay to have that type of relationship with you, he will always go back to the fellas. Gay guys can't turn straight. As much as the gals that love them try!
I have even had a friend come home from the armed forces and tell me he was no longer gay. Before he shipped out again, his going away party was at a gay bar. Go figure.
But is lovely having a gay guy friend! Although the ycan sometimes get a little catty, in my experiences...
I think maybe you just needed to get this off of your chest. You probably feel alot better now, huh?
--------------------
-Sheri
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