Apathy: Advice needed
#90681 - 07/16/04 05:09 AM
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CathUK
Reged: 05/25/04
Posts: 373
Loc: Cambridge, UK
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Hi,
I know a lot of you here have suffered from depression and I wanted to ask your advice. After going from feeling like I was on a caffine high for five days with yo-yoing mood swings, I now just feel really apathetic and my brain seems to refuse to think about anything. Its really hard getting out of bed, let alone going out - although I have been forcing myself to do stuff.
Is this normal, and should you really push yourself to do things even though you are so tired and scared, or can you just allow your mind to shut down for a while and recover. I really don't know what to do - I've only just admitted I have a problem after years of it brewing and it frightens me that the more I admit somethings wrong the worse I feel. Not sure where all my positiveness has gone. Thank god for sewing - its about all I can cope with right now. :-(
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Yes, this is completely normal with depression. My husband said that I had absolutely no memory at all while depressed - I was always preoccupied and "spaced out". As for getting out of bed, and pushing yourself, that's up to you. I tried to find a balance. IE, yes, get out of bed everyday, but don't push yourself to do a ton of things each day.
I understand how you feel - but remember, you took a huge step admitting there's a problem. Problems don't make you feel good - simple as that. As for your positiveness, remind yourself every day (and maybe every minute at times) that this is TREATABLE and that you WILL feel better.
Since you're taking the time off work, try to think of that as a positive. Try to do things that you normally don't have the time to do but enjoy doing.
Hugs, Han.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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I really really really strongly advise you to call your doctor and try to get in and talk to him/her today. you are having cycling moods and that's not typical of "just depression." now whether you've got something else going on or it's merely an overexaggerated response to your new meds, it's just not right. you shouldn't be going through this "feeling like I was on a caffine high for five days " thing at all, especially then to swing to apathetic. sometimes the meds they put people on aren't the right meds and can aggrevate or cause more problems than they're supposed to help.
i'm not trying to scare you any more than i'm sure you already are, but i do want to see you get the right help. it's really important!
keep us posted.
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Hi Cath,
I am so sorry you feel bad. Maybe it would be a good idea to contact your doctor.
Just a couple of weeks ago my SIL told me that she's on a low dose anti-depressant (she does not have IBS). Apparently, she slowly began to get more and more depressed until it got to the point where she was crying alot. When she went for her yearly physical, she told her Dr. and she prescribed the anti-depressant. My SIL said it has made a big difference and she suffers no side effects at all. She calls it her happy pill and takes it every morning.
I'm glad that sewing helps you and I hope you feel better soon. Please keep in touch.
Kim
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Cath
#90689 - 07/16/04 05:46 AM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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i DO agree with HanSolo on the getting out of bed and not pushing yourself bit, but i still stick with my concern about the cycling.
i think if you've got "just depression" (which is devastating, believe me i know! i'm not trivializing it by calling it "just depression" i just mean not anything PLUS the depression)... anyway, if you've got "just depression" it's so hard to get out of bed or off the couch. i really really recommend a little walk. if you don't think you're up to that, just try to go sit outside for a little while. work your way up to a walk. i know, i know, when i am depressed it's the last thing i want to do, in fact i never think i'm even capable of doing it! but it helps, it really does. and every time i come out of a depression i think "why didn't i take walks earlier!?" really, it helps to accomplish even the slightest goal. just go to the end of the block and back. you may sleep for hours after, but you've earned it! then do it again tomorrow. and the next day...
i really hope you're feeling better soon!
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You know you're not alone. I could almost safely say that almost every IBS patient has felt like yourself. Especially me.
I have crazy moods swings because I'm so frustrted about this illness taking over my life. I barely have friends anymore because I don't like to leave the house.
I hope you feel better.
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Em*
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Re: Cath
#90706 - 07/16/04 06:19 AM
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CathUK
Reged: 05/25/04
Posts: 373
Loc: Cambridge, UK
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Hi,
I don't think the caffine high (permanent panic atttack) is because of the pills - they probably haven't started working yet. I think the difference is that today I have actually admitted I have a problem, whereas before I was looking for a quick fix, trying to go into work, constantly fighting it etc.
I know what Hans means about taking every minute at a time. I think my brain is just tired from having to deal with everything. I am really scared that once I stop taking the sleeping tablets in two days, that I will not be able to sleep again, as I can feel the panic waiting to surface.
I'm just mentally exhausted and can't believe this is actually happening to me. I keep trying to do small things like make a cup of tea for my partner, go for a walk, make biscuits etc but it all seems like such a slog. Not that I could sleep anyway, or read, or watch telly and I've lost my appetite (but at least IBS has taught me how to force feed myself!). This isn't like me, I'm usually so optimistic - to the outside world at least!
hmmpphh! bblleuurrrgghh!
Thanks for the advice - this is one place where I know people have been through and survived this and much worse.
I'm speaking to my therapist later, but he keeps giving me conflicting advice to my doctors like don't take meds or sleeping tablets and through these mind techniques I can be back at work by monday. Frankly I think it's gone way past that point, so Im ignoring him and taking the meds like my doctor said - although the techniques are good long term coping strategies.
I'm sorry I seem to be hogging the boards at the moment with my problems - I just hope I can help someone else in the future if they need it.
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I took your advice and spoke to my doc over the phone. He said the Fluoxetine might be making the panic worse, and is switching me to another kind of anti-depressant in the same family. If this stops the huge ball of panic that is threatening to explode out of my chest you have my undying gratitute forever, as I never made this connection!!!!
:-) Catherine
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I work alot and don't get a chance to read all of the posts I'd like to, so when I replied to your post I hadn't read your previous post.
Obviously you are already on anti's and seeing a doc.
It's good to talk about your feelings as much as possible and to give yourself a break. Hope you keep your doc up on how you feel also.
Sorry for the confusion.
Kim
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Catherine, that's great news. Yeah, Jen's pretty good, ain't she!! But don't tell her I said that, she'll just get a swelled head! he he
Now, I just want to say the same thing every body else said. You are not alone. What you're feeling is EXACTLY what clinical depression feels like. I used to describe it as trying to walk through molasses. When I was at my worst, I'd sit at work looking at my pencil (pre-PC days!) and trying to find the energy to pick it up.
As far as pushing yourself, what Jen says is very true, that exercise helps. However, don't get too down on yourself if you can't. You have a physical illness, like pneumonia or diabetes or a broken leg. Would you think you should push yourself if you had pneumonia? Or would you concentrate on recovering and convalescing from your illness? Obviously there's a happy medium, but it will differ from day to day and hour to hour. Remember you're still worth just as much as a person whether you're sick or not, whether you exercise or not, whether you have the energy to make your partner a cup of tea or not.
The best rule of thumb is to coddle yourself the way you'd tell a friend to coddle herself if she was suffering from or recovering from a severe illness.
Feel better, sweetie. The new anti-d will kick in within a couple weeks and you'll feel like a new person. For me it was like someone reached into my brain and flipped the switch from off to on again! It was literally that dramatic!
So don't give up five minutes before the miracle!! And keep enjoying that sewing!! (That was all my sister could do when she was depressed, too!!)
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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