I am near rock bottom and not sure how to pull myself back up...
#8995 - 05/13/03 03:17 PM
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Nugget
Reged: 02/10/03
Posts: 2167
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As some of you know....recently my husband and I have run into a snag with the construction of a shop building we are having built on our property. To make a long story short, our neighbor across the street complained that it exceeds the height restriction. An inspector came and measured and sure enough, because of a mistake by the concrete contractor, it exceeds the height restriction by a "a little over a foot" (to quote the inspector). If the neighbor would have given us a letter stating he forgave the mistake, we could have proceeded with construction. But, no...not this neighbor. So now we are having to go back to the county zoning and planning board, as well as the county commissioners for approval to proceed with construction as is. If they don't approve...we have to start over from the ground up. All this because a neighbor couldn't forgive a mistake which the inspector says "is not a significant amount of height difference". So now that we have to go through this process again...we are looking at a delay of no less than two months on a building that is three days from being complete!!!
My husband and I have not been sleeping or eating well. My husband has been working long hours to make some extra money. And now, my body is letting down. I have come down with a horrible sore throat and upset stomach. My IBS is staying controled to a degree as long as I stay on my walking schedule....I try not to take any Imodium unless I absolutely have to. And my anger and stress is extremely high right now because of what a neighbor is doing to us over "a little over a foot"!!! It's so rediculous!! I'm worried what the neighbor is going to do...whether he will try to sue, or just make life miserable for us. I'm worried about my husband because he doesn't express his concerns or stresses. I feel sorry for my husband because he has wanted this building for so long and it has temporarily been taken away from him now when it was sooo close to being done. I worry that he is going to work himself into exhaustion. Etc., Etc.,.....I am writing this at home because I had to leave work early because of my sore throat and upset stomach and exhaustion. As I write this I am crying tears of extreme frustration and anger. I know this probably sounds a little extreme to some people....that's why I came to "talk" with my friends here. I just don't know what to do to control this stress right now. I can't think straight, I'm so upset.....all over what a neighbor is controlling...or thinks they are controlling. We have been nothing but nice to all our neighbors and this is the thanks we get. Luckily it's just this one...all our other neighbors are great and supportive.
I know everything happens for a reason, but I just hope it all turns out for the good in the end. I'm just so worried right now.
Thank you so much for listening.
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Hi, Nugget!
So sorry to hear of your neighbor's unwillingness to be cooperative. You mentioned that this is "due to the concrete contractor's mistake", I believe. Do you have any recourse against him to pay for the re-construction or any damages that might be awarded to your neighbor in a suit against you? In other words, if your neighbor sues you and wins a judgement, can you sue the contractor who made the mistake? Or recover the cost of the building - or at least the concrete work? Just wondering.......I know it's no fun to get involved with legalities. I'll pray for you and your husband - and that God would soften your neighbor's heart. God can make a way where there is no way!
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We went through a BAD neighbor situation last summer and I was beside myself with anger and frustration as well. Its a long story but we solved it by putting up a fence - something I did not want to do but now that's up - I actually like it! It's awful living next door to someone and not even saying hi when we are both outside - I feel for you. Your anger will lessen and eventually the building will be completed. Try to take deep breaths and tell yourself that the anger is not helping the situation get any better but it is hurting you - try to let it go, for your sake. Good luck - sorry you are going through this misery. Hope you feel better soon with the bug you've got, too.
Andie
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Gosh, I'm so sorry this is happening to you! I don't know what to really suggest as I have not been in this situation and don't know much about buildings and the relevant laws. (my husband would be embarrassed, he is a contracts manager for a construction company, in fact I'll ask him about it).
Try to keep as relaxed and stress free as you possibly can so that you can deal with the situation as best you can. I know that probably sounds stupid. People tell me that all the time in relation to our IVF journey and I sometimes want to punch them! However as sufferers of IBS I think we all realise how stress can make things worse.
Good luck and let us know how it goes,
Kerrie 
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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I dont really have any great words of wisdom except to say I hope things work out for you. This must all be very worrying for you, and as a result you're not feeling well.
Take care of yourself.
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Hi!
'Try to take deep breaths and tell yourself that the anger is not helping the situation get any better but it is hurting you - try to let it go, for your sake. '
I will have to start printing out words of wisdom from this webpage and pin them on my wall! Yes, I'll do that: on the fridge door, in the bathroom, behind my computer....
Thanks Andie for these simple words...
Susaloh
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Nugget,
That is NOT fair!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, everything happens for a reason, and sometimes we can't see the reason. And even though I'm sure this is happening for a positive effect in the long run (for example, if the neighbor hadn't complained, maybe the extra foot would have been ruined by a tornado--but because the extra foot will be removed, the tornado doesn't touch it). I'm an eternal optimist! I heard a story once where this person didn't catch the subway they wanted when it came. The man closed the door on the person! It was totaly UNFAIR! Or, so it seemed.....it turned out that the subway they missed broke down--and the one the person got on 10 minutes later was fine! Can you imagine? If they had gotten on the first subway, they would have waited for a LONG time!!! So, you never know why these things hapen...and they feel SO unfair...but it will be for the best! (((hugs)))
You are SO caring! It's SO sweet of you that you want your hubby to be happy--I hope he knows how lucky he is to have you! You're VERY special!
It sounds to me like you're doing a GREAT job! You're sticking to your walking routine--wow! I give you a LOT of credit there! Plus--you're venting on the board--that takes courage! I would be JUST as upset as you btw if I were in your situation! I LOVE my husband--and I want him to be happy too! And when you don't get enough sleep and you don't eat right, your emotions can take over (serotonin levels change I think)...this is not a YOU thing--remember that! (I cry inside, and sometimes out, for something as simple as when my husband has a bad day--I just feel his pain so much!! We're VERY close and I care about him very deeply)!
Things WILL work out for the best! Maybe you can't see it now, and maybe you won't see it tomorrow, or even next year--but it will turn out for the best!
(((((((((HUGE HUGS)))))))))))
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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I know that this is little consolation - but I truly believe what goes around comes around. Your neighbour is a complete jerky-idiot and every other nasty word I can think of. People like that run on a self destruct course. He may have the upper hand now, but that childish behaviour someday will turn around and slap him in the face. It may not be tomorrow, but he will get what is coming to him.
How do your other neighbours feel about it? Do they know? Maybe you could talk to them about it. Who knows? Maybe they can help.
It wasn't your fault - so why should he take action against you?
Anyway, a couple of suggestions - I know you feel miserable and awful. How about getting away for a "getaway". You don't even have to leave your house. Have you and your hubby have an evening to yourselves, rent a movie (I recommend a couple comedies - you could use a laugh right now), get takeout or make your fav. meal and loaf around. Also, remember that he is not hurting over all this. Try not to give him the satisfaction of upsetting you and comprimising your health.
Hugs.
Do you have a local newspaper? I think sometimes, letters to the editor can be VERY helpful .....
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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HanSolo,
You're brilliant! These are GREAT ideas! I especially like the idea of eating a special meal and a "getaway" with hubby at home--I LOVE IT! You inspired me! As soon as I feel better and get my tummy issues sorted out, I'm going to have a WONDERFUL dinner with my hubby, complete with scrabble games (I'm a word nut) and slipper!!!! Thanks for the ideas--and for giving me something fun to look forward to!
((((hugs))))
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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