Disaster zone
#88900 - 07/12/04 04:54 AM
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CathUK
Reged: 05/25/04
Posts: 373
Loc: Cambridge, UK
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I had always known my IBS was stress related, but recently it seems that my body has decided it is scared of everything. The last two nights I have had panic attacks all night and no sleep and I feel constantly sick. I have been to see a brilliant psychotherapist, who has been fantastic and he told me that my body is panicking and trying to gain control in the way it knows best – by making me ill so I don't do anything – because I am happy (which I am at last after an unhappy childhood). He says I should go to work and fight it, but I feel terrible. I know he is right – it's all in my mind, so I'm not complaining about him and I know I have to face my fears. Trouble is it's easier said than done when you are at work and the day stretches ahead of you. I'm really scared – I've started taking antidepressants, but they haven't kicked in yet and I've got lots of relaxation exercises to do. I've also done the hypno tapes. I just wish my appetite would come back, as I can't afford to lose any more weight. This has been a terrible year health wise (brilliant otherwise) and I've just had enough.
Sorry to rant, but I'm really, really scared … I never thought this would be me.
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Hang in there,sweetie. I have an anxiety disorder, so I know all about the horrid panic attacks and they just totally drain you. It's funny how things come to the surface when you're finally feeling better - it's time to deal with the skeletons in the closet so to say. It's incredibly hard, but it's the only way you're really going to get over it.
Be strong. Keep up with your relaxation - have you ever tried yoga? Try a really gentle one like kripalu. It's really helping me.
As for the appetite, cut yourself some slack. A lot of people gain while on antidepressants, so don't worry. Once you're feeling better you will get back to a healthy weight. In the meantime, don't worry about it.
Antidepressants take up to 12 weeks to work, but you may feel a bit better after just 2 weeks. So think that this is just a temporary state and you will be feeling better soon.
I'm praying for you.
You will get through this. You have the strength to fight.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Re: HanSolo
#88911 - 07/12/04 06:16 AM
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CathUK
Reged: 05/25/04
Posts: 373
Loc: Cambridge, UK
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Thank you so much for your reply. You can't believe how much it helps to know someone out there is going through the same thing as you.
My logical brain knows exactly what's going on and that it is only a bad patch …. shame the logical brain evaporates when you're feeling ill!
One question - How do you know how far to push yourself? Do you just try to keep going with normal life as much as possible till it gets better? I know from experience that I can feel like I have no energy at all and go for a bike ride and feel great, and I am going to try yoga as soon as I move house (just a little bit of added stress at the moment!),as there's nowhere near me that does classes where I live now.
When is the time to stop and rest – I don't know whether this is counterproductive for me. I have spent all year recovering from the inset of IBS (much helped by Heathers diet) and for a lot of the time I was physically weak. However, I think I'm healthy now, but due to a lifetime of medical problems I just have no confidence in my body any more. Anyway, I basically have no clue if I should continue to force myself to go out to work, or whether it would be better not to put myself through it.
Urrggh – what a long rambling post!!
Thank you again, and I hope you're further along the recovery ladder than me!
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I don't have anything helpful to say, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm struggling with the same thing, and I know how you feel. Unlike you, I haven't gotten any medical help or therapy for the problem - yet - so I know I have a looooong road ahead of me, and that doesn't help things.
The irony is that my physical symptoms have gotten a LOT better on Heather's diet, but the panic attacks have gotten worse. Thankfully, I'm able to sleep at night, but I'm afraid to leave the house. Even when I do, it's rare that I'll wander more than a few miles from home. Sometimes I'll have such a bad panic attack that I won't eat for days, which is why your comment about lack of appetite and weight loss rang a bell with me - I'm losing weight at a rate of about 5lbs every couple weeks, and I honestly can't afford to lose much more, just because I "can't" eat.
I can't comment on the job situation. I last held a job in December, and I quit looking for a new job in February. In some respects, I felt better when I was working, but I wasn't as sick then either, and I know there's no way I could hold a job right now.
Anyway, I'm rambling, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Hang in there, and in the meantime, rant away - that's what we're here for. 
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I know exactly how you feel. Mine is stress related also more than anything else. You have to go day by day and push yourself even on your worst days. I did hypnotherapy with a clinical specialist and she was great. I feel like it helped a lot, but now I have a new job, which is my dream job so I'm ecstatic, but the girl before me left behind so much unfinished business that I am completely overhwelmed. I have been sick almost everyday since starting, but I won't let it get the best of me. I can't and neither can you. We have to fight it no matter what it takes and in the end we will conquer IBS!! At least that's what I keep telling myself. haha Stay strong.
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Things happen for a reason...just believe
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It seems there is some really strong women out here on the boards - you're an inspiration. If we could all get well then we'd conquer the world!!
It seems the answer is overwhelmingly to fight - so I'll try my best to do that.
Atomic rose - If you can talk to a therapist I'd really recommend it. I wish I had gone to see this man a year ago and it was only because of a brilliant doctor who recomended something a bit different rather than giving me pills, that I went at all. If anything it just helps to have someone talk to you in an intellegent way rather than writing you off. I can sympathise with the appetite issues as i have extreme nausea at the moment - but I have found through trial and error that I have to 'force feed' myself small amounts constantly when I get like this, not eating makes everything much worse.
Please get well everyone (me included!)and hopefully we can all complete the 'mission' that my therapist has given me - to see how much we can get out of life, without being cautious and worrying. Basically HAVE FUN!!!
Catherine
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I want to give you a big hug and tell you it is going to get better. I promise. I promise. I have been through what you are telling us about...and I am ok now...I still blush easily with attention on me..but thats all...I haven't had a real attack in two years. You are going to get better.
The thing that helped me a lot was removing ALL stimulants from my diet. i cut out coffee, all sugar, white flours (I am ibs c) from my diet and I physically relaxed a lot. I got better without antidepressants so with the help of the pills you will DEFINETLY get better.
Try not to be hard on yourself...I know you probably get moments when you hate yourself for being like this, but don't. something is going on inside. try and be patient. yoga is another thing that helped me. I taught it to myself because I was too panicky to go to a class. I love it. Take each moment as it comes and take control of the things you CAN control...bed time, food you eat, where you walk, what you read....try not to think too much and don't kick yourself everytime you have an attack....just go with it and know it is time bound and will be over soon.
have you considered cognitive behavioural therapy? I've heard great things but never had it....
Good luck!! XXX
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Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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Hi Cath,
So sorry to hear about your fight for peace(at least that is what mine always feels like).
I am on antidepre. and it does help,altho. I have had to try several to find the right one for me.
I too have bad childhood issues and they seem to be the root of a lot of my problems,physical and emotional.I realize that for years I have tensed myself in defense to go out and make it thr. a day at work or even just in the world,like when shopping etc.
Some anti anxiety meds can help.I take one and have for a long time. I drink tons of mint tea and make sure I get enough rest,plus vitamins.
I want to include that for a long time when I was delaing w/the anxiety about work it often was just so hard to get out the door in the morning.Sometimes I had to call my therapist to calm myself down before I left.Even if I got her answering machinge it helped to hear her voice.
I hope you begin to feel relief soon.Can you get a Yoga CD to do at home until you move? I have one that is good and it helped when I needed it. Now I am getting ready to start going to a gentle yoga class.It is set up by our local hospital and geared to folks recovering from illness or surgery.
I too wil pray for you.I often found that I needed to pray myself thr. situations that made me anxious. This will get better.You are on the right path. Suzy 
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Have any of you seen the new Harry Potter film? In it the boggart changes into the thing you fear the most. To make it powerless you have to imagine it doing something silly. I feel like a lot of my anxiety is like the boggart - it can be reduced to nothing by laughing at it, or it can become the most terrifying thing ever.
So I think I'll start a new battle cry - "Get that boggart back in its box!"
:-)
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I just recently (just this past Thursday!) qualified for and received state-funded insurance that will allow me to finally get some medical help. I've been on the phone all morning, and I have all kinds of appointments set up, and after a little paperwork this afternoon, I'll have one for a therapist as well. I was kind of questioning seeing a therapist, knowing that they (well, the one I'll be going to, anyway) can't prescribe medications, but you tipped the scales in his favor. I'll give it a try. Thank you!
I agree on the force-feeding-small-amounts thing. Because most of my nausea is the anxiety, it doesn't always *help* the nausea to force myself to eat, but it doesn't make it worse, so even if I can only get a few crackers into me, I do it.
Catherine, I hope you get feeling better soon!
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...but I love that visualization! I may have to steal that from you.
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CathUK, I'm sorry you're going through panic attacks. (offering you a hug) I know how very hard that can be. But how wonderful that you're seeing a great psychotherapist! That can help so much.
Getting to the root of a panic attack, what's underneath, can help a lot. And so can other things. Distraction is a great way of temporary relief from panic attacks. Sometimes, if a panic attack hits me in the middle of the night, I get up and read a good book, go on the pc a bit, or have a small snack. Warm soy milk and a piece of bread or some 'comfort food' can help.
Also, are you open to alternative medicine, as well? Essential oils can *really* help. I did a lot of research about them, and found the best oils (at least for me) for panic attacks. My recipe is: lavender, 5 drops; frankincense, 2 drop; marjoram, 3 drops per 5-10 teaspoons of vegetable oil such as canola or grapeseed (lighter on the body) or olive oil. Put them in a bottle, gentle roll the bottle back and forth between your hands (this mixes the oils together). Then rub some on your body (it's for external use, only). The important thing with essential oils is, to only use the ones, or the mixtures, that smell good to you personally. Anyway, I've found it helps a lot.
Some other things that can help: writing out or drawing out the feeling, or what seems to be there. Or doing the opposite--writing or drawing something that makes you feel good. Listening to soothing music. Holding a stuffie. Talking to a friend. Doing something that makes you feel good, having fun. Breathing as deeply and slowly as you can.
Hope those things help, and hope you feel better soon.
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Re:the boggart
#88965 - 07/12/04 09:44 AM
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Kree
Reged: 10/08/03
Posts: 3748
Loc: Northern NY
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Quote:
Have any of you seen the new Harry Potter film? In it the boggart changes into the thing you fear the most. To make it powerless you have to imagine it doing something silly. I feel like a lot of my anxiety is like the boggart - it can be reduced to nothing by laughing at it, or it can become the most terrifying thing ever.
So I think I'll start a new battle cry - "Get that boggart back in its box!"
:-)
That's awesome! I love thay idea. 
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"Anyone can exercise, but this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." -Garfield
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Cath, I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time. IBS is bad enough without having an anxiety disorder on top of that. I just wanted to let you know that you'll be in my prayers. And I also wanted to suggest Michael's hypno CDs if you haven't checked them out already. I had a lot of anxiety about eating out and social functions and the CDs helped me soooo much... I feel more like a normal person again. Just a suggestion. I hope you start feeling better soon!
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"Anyone can exercise, but this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." -Garfield
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Ohmigoodness that's so cool!! When hubby and I were having problems and I was walking on eggshells around him, I used to picture him shrunk down into a tabby cat meowing at my feet. It worked!!! DOWN WITH BOGGARTS!!!!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Hi,
I'm really glad for you and I hope it works. Be prepared to feel worse before you feel better. I'm just getting to the root of my problem and I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster - my body is throwing everything it can at me to stop me going out and all I really want to do is go back to bed. However, I have also had moments of huge hope where I can see glimpses of just how fun life could be if I stop being scared of everything - and thats a very liberating feeling that gives you a huge sense of freedom. I just wish it was that easy, but I guess time makes things better if you keep plugging away.
Anyway, todays resolution (decided when I couldn't sleep yet again last night) - to buy me and my partner a pair of roller blades and to go skating as fast as we can by the river this weekend. We'll probably look very silly as neither of us has done it before - but I guess thats the point, not caring. It seems like one of those things you did as a small child when you weren't afraid of anything - and it would be good to get that feeling back.
I can't believe that in America you have so much hassle getting medical help. Financially it must be a nightmare. I've been paying for my therapist and it's cleaning me out of savings for moving house, but I figure its worth it in the long run.
So, good luck and get well soon!
Catherine
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Cath
#89264 - 07/13/04 04:31 AM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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are you out of work then? is that temporary?
i would say your body definitely sounds ready for some exercise. i've found that excercising really helps with all of these emotions. just keep stuff close to home 'til you build your confidence. when i'm having my shaky moments, i'll re-walk the same block around my house a few times 'cause i'm not sure if i can go further! looks dorky, maybe, but i'm not worried about what it looks like, i'm worried about my stupid health. i know 99% of the time, the last thing i want to do is excercise, but i also know 100% of the time after i do i feel better. argh!
hope you start feeling better soonest.
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Re: Cath
#89271 - 07/13/04 06:13 AM
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CathUK
Reged: 05/25/04
Posts: 373
Loc: Cambridge, UK
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No, I'm back at work full time now, although I did have some time off and have gradually worked my way back up to five days a week. One of my biggest challenges is getting myself to work as I always feel at my worst in the mornings. I have had to work from home today as I have now had three nights with no sleep - but I seem to be resolving some issues so will be back tomorrow come hell or high water.
I also find exercise brilliant. I always exercise for half an hour a night and particularly enjoy cycling and swimming. Even though I keep going dizzy today I forced myself to go on a bike ride and although I went a bit funny I stoped, got off the bike and challenged myself to faint in a sunny spot of the street. Not surprisingly I didn't so I was able to get back on the bike and cycle home with no problems!! Hopping on one leg seems to help when you are dizzy too, as you can't really be dizzy if you don't fall down doing this. Can I just stress that my dizzyness is completely self induced to stop me from doing things and I wouldn't recommend these things to people who are really dizzy!!
I think my life has definately taken a comic twist - specially when you find yourself doing the hopping around I'm not dizzy dance at midnight!!
Seems to work though :-)
Roll on the weekend I say - if I can survive this week the antidepressants will kick in soon!
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Great idea!
#89275 - 07/13/04 06:29 AM
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Kree
Reged: 10/08/03
Posts: 3748
Loc: Northern NY
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Rollerblading sounds like a great idea... just make sure you wear a helmet and knee pads, especially if it's your first time! Personally, given the way I skate, I wish they had butt pads too!
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"Anyone can exercise, but this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." -Garfield
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Maybe I should just strap cushions around every limb!!!!
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i can't get over this image of you jumping up and down to prove you're not dizzy! i wish i had known this technique back during my last fibro flare when i was dizzy all of the time! that would have at the very least livened things up a bit.
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