my ibs and fear connection-long post!
#48514 - 03/06/04 11:23 PM
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hawkeye
Reged: 06/16/03
Posts: 705
Loc: NYC
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I've never quite written about what it is I'm going through, tonight I'm feeling pretty awful and instead of writing in my journal as I normally would Ithought I'd post my crazyness online.
I've spent so many years pursuing the physical causes of my ibs, but I'm becoming increasingly convinced that my problem is much more linked to my psychological state. I know heather sort of cautions against this conclusion in her book, but whether they are cause or effect, I've got a lot of psycho-somatic issues that are not possible to ignore.
Well its currently 2 am, and I can't quite remember the last time I felt this miserable. Recently Mags wrote about her fears/anxiety relating to ibs on the hypnotherapy board. Well I have a similar problem, I guess, I'm just about phobic about throwing up. I know some of you out there have this as a symptom of your ibs, and so may not feel so much simpathy, yet its not part of my ibs, instead its part of the anxiety connected to it. I often feel very queasy after eating a meal, though it usually passes. But feeling this way so often has led to something of a phobia of losing control over my illness. (After getting through miserable ibs attacks, I often am so relieved that I didn't turn out to have a virus, or god forbid, food poisoning.)
This has been building for years and really surfaced about a year and a half ago when I began trainign as a practitioner in the feldenkrais method. As I became more in touch with my body, I began having panic attacks. While my peers in the training were so elated over all of the changes they found in their bodies due to the trainign, I found myself getting very depressed and scared about what I'd tapped into.
I'm currently on anti-anxiety meds and am working with a therapist. I've done some seriously difficult therapy work - I did emdr where you revisit traumatic moments of your past in a very intense way. I feel readier than before to face down this fear, especially this week when I made some knd of breakthrough in therapy. (That I'd rather get sick than ruin the most important relationship in my life!) Thats a whole other post for another day perhaps.
But now that I'm feeling some measure of courage to face my fears, I'm afraid I may have brought on symptoms of nausea more than usual. Actually, I'm even more afraid that I didn't bring this upon myself and that I'll be very sick soon. (I ate out tonight with friends at a new restaurant for me and ate too much.)
I know I have to face this head on at some point, but I don't know if I'm quite ready. Irrational fears are still very scary! If I'd felt this way even a month ago, I would have been terrified, shaking, and generally in a panic. Tonight instead I feel a sort of equal mix of dread, resolve to face this, and fear. Which I guess is a large improvement.
I'm 31 now, and feel like this is a part of me that never quite grew up.
I'm a little scared to post this, I don't want you all to think I'm nuts. This isn't stuff I tell anyone except my therapist. But I've been reading so many of your posts and have been very moved by how open some people are, I thought I'd try sharing what I'm going through.
- Dan
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
Edited by Heather (07/22/05 12:22 PM)
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I can very much relate to what you're going through. I too get very scared and anxious concerning my symptoms and for whatever reason one of my greatest fears is throwing up. When I get nauseous, I get so stressed that I might throw up that I actually end up making myself more nauseous, so it's a vicious cycle and I definately don't think you're nuts.
I personally think there's a huge anxiety/fear connection to IBS. It's difficult because (at least in my experience) when it first starts to affect you, you don't know what's going on, all you know is you're in horrible pain, having to run for the bathroom etc. And it can be very scary. And of course, there's the brain/gut connection so the more scared and stressed you get the worse you make your stomach, and around and around you go.
I too and trying to face up to this and realize that it's not the end of the world if I'm in pain, or if I throw up, or any of that, and that it's nothing to stress about. It's certainly hard, but I'm taking it a day at a time. I find this board to be incredibly helpful (even though I'm new) becaseu of the fact that people are so open and many experience similar things.
I hope that you continue to work through everything and that you start feeling better soon 
Kelly
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No, Dan, I don't think you are nuts. IBS and anxiety together are pretty common, so you're not alone in your exprience.(There was a discussion on this recently if you do a search)
It sounds like you are going through some very difficult psychological stuff right now, so it's no wonder your IBS is causing you so much fear and pain. I don't know what the Feldenkreis method is, but I do know a lot about EMDR. Are you going through it right now? If you are, then I'd say it's normal to feel miserable in the days following a session. I know it feels anything but "normal", but it will pass. In any case, healing is a long and difficult process. Self-examination and coming to terms with fears are enough to make you feel so awful. It's not easy and it's hard to see through to the other side (where you've faced your fears and are no longer anxious). And even less so at 2am. Still, things will get better and you will heal. You are not crazy. You have real fears and anxieties, but you can face them. Above all, remember to be gentle with yourself.
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--Julie
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Hypnotherapy
#48539 - 03/07/04 08:46 AM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Hi Dan!
Of course we don't think you're "nuts," whatever that is -- we all understand; after all, we're all in the same boat!
You really should post in the hypnotherapy board, because I know ShawnEric would be able to help you, and I think he only goes in that board. I had a lot of anxiety several months ago, to the point where I couldn't leave the confines of this tiny little condo. I was a mess. At least I knew enough to contact Heather. She recommended Michael's hypnotherapy. I was hesitant because I'm not the hypnosis type; I didn't really think it would help. However, I trusted Heather and knew she would not lead me astray.
Michael's program is incredible; it helped me immensely. Within just a few weeks my anxiety was almost all gone; I was able to get out and go grocery shopping or for walks with hubby and my dog. Eventually I ventured out even further, and by the time I finished the program I was "good to go!"
ShawnEric doesn't go onto the hypnosis board often; he's so busy with his own web site -- but he does appear occasionally, and he's extremely knowledgeable and helpful. Post there -- and do a search for some of his informative posts; he always includes articles that are really enlightening.
And give some thought to Michael's program. It's helped a LOT of us here.
Glad you're back with us.
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Thanks, I began to feel better about an hour after I posted this online. Writing helped. I think I was right that to some extent feeling readier to face it, brought on worse symptoms than usual. Oy! I did emdr for a few months last year and it was quite difficult. Now I'm just doing plain old talking therapy. Feldenkrais is a way of learning to improve your body awareness and through that learning to use your body more easily and efficiently. Thats part of it anyway. www.feldenkrais.com if anyone is interested is a place to start learning about it. I love it.
dan
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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Thank you bev,
I did the hypno course very faithfully for 100 days, but didn't get a lot of relief. I'm going to start it again very soon, and see if I'm one of those people who get helped the second time through.
Dan
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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Kelly,
I'm really interested to hear how you confront these fears. I tried for a while to sort of answer them with things like " I can handle this" etc. I'm not usually the affirmation type, but I tried. I found that it seemed to just amplify the fears and the obsessiveness about it. Now I just say "stop" to myself, and try not to indulge the thoughts with any sort of attention. It works better but I'm really struggling. Last night was so miserable, even though it felt like progress because I didn't freak out, I still was so unhappy and uncomfortable. I'm pretty good about facing other painful things in my life but htis is definitely really hard for me. ...
dan
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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I feel for you. Your post reminds me of some symptoms that I have had for years and was ultimately diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I'm not saying it's what you have, but I thought I'd put some info out there in case you can relate in any way. OCD is not what most people think it is... it isn't always repeated motions or washing of hands, etc. It's basically any repeated negative thought that is so insidious that it interferes with your "normal" life. This type is called Obsessive Thinking and doesn't involve the physical ritual part.
The important thing to remember is that if you have these obsessive thoughts and can't get them out of your mind, don't berate yourself because even the mentally strongest person cannot logically think his/her way out of them. It takes medicine or therapy or both. Using the "Stop" method and thinking of other things is terrific and can be very helpful.
I am no doctor, but knowing that anxiety disorders (which OCD is) are seemingly connected to IBS, I thought it might be something to consider. OCD and/or anxiety issues can easily be triggered by one event- i.e. the onset - or relentless continuation- of your IBS symptoms. They are a huge stressor and can set off a lot of things. Obsessive thinking usually only follows one thought pattern- i.e. you can feel very "normal" about most things in your life, but one little issue makes you think over and over again in a negative way- right now, my obsession is my health- I get scared and can't stop thinking about each little ache and pain maybe meaning something life-threatening. But through therapy and meds, I am 97% in control of this stuff and it doesn't have nearly the impact it used to- therefore it doesn't impact my bowels as much either!
I hope I didn't scare anyone, I thought the info might help.
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I know exactly what you are feeling. A few months ago my ibs took over my life. IBS and the pain was all I thought about it made my symptoms worse and made me get attacks. My life revolved around IBS. I was always anxious, afraid, sad and mad all the time. Positive thinking is easier said than done. But it goes along way. I started to meditate when I felt an attack coming and repeated positve thoughts to myself. Like its nothing it will be over before I know it. The breathing techniques used in meditation are very helpful. Just remember you are not alone.
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Hang in there Dan!! Personally I began to experience anxiety as my symptoms began to get worse. After that even if I had no symptoms I would worry that my stomach would start to get upset and I'd cause myself an attack. I still struggle with this everyday. Should I go out with my friends? What if my stomach gets upset? Even when I know I'm feeling okay sometimes I end up worrying that I might get sick and end up staying home. What I have come to realize is...it's not a huge deal if I need to use the washroom while I'm out. If my stomach gets upset while I'm out then I can simply go home. Sometimes it's difficult to think that way but if you take small steps (like Heather suggests in her book) then you will find it easier and easier to overcome your fear and anxiety.
Good luck and don't give up!!
Keep us posted on how you're doing.
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