Suicidal Friend
#3747 - 03/22/03 01:55 PM
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One of my friends, Tessa, is suffering from deep depression. She is constantly complaining about how her life stinks and how she wishes she was dead. shes so depressing that she started depressing me, and my ibs would flare up, so i stopped being her friend. But now im really worried about her. I Read her online journal last night, and found out she took 4 aspirins last night and hoped that they would "put her light out" but shes too scared to actually take the whole bottle. Do you guys think i should become friends with her and try to take her out of her depressing state? The thing is, im afraid if i do, she'll only upset me and depress me and cause me stress and i dont need stress right now, and im afraid if i take her problems beneath my wings, i'll jeopardize my own health.Or should i just mind my own business and take the chances that she'll snap out of it? Please help me guys!!
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-Angela
Healed in Jesus' Name 
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 Angela: Right now, you are confused over this, and I can understand, however, the fact you are thinking of her, shows you care. By helping her, you are helping yourself, how would you feel if she actually took the whole bottle of aspirins? Be there for her, talk her into seeking counseling. Does she have someone she can talk to? Do you know any family members you can trust? Does she have a minister or school counselor she can talk to? Think about the different ways you can help. Please let us know what happens.
Olgis
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Angela, Being around someone who is depressed can suck all the life out of you, so you need to set boundaries in your relationship with Tessa, and make sure YOU are getting the support you need to deal with her, or you won't be able to be a good friend to her. That said, you are right to be very, very concerned that she is talking about suicide, because that means she is very likely to attempt it. This is not the time to try to pull her out of it alone. Go to your school guidance counselor, your minister, her minister, her parents, ANYONE who can help (and it may take more than one try--some adults don't listen very well). And do it NOW. She will not "snap out of it" on her own. In the meantime, pass this link on to her: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ If you have any other questions, feel free to e-mail me. Good luck taking care of both of you.
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Hey Angel,
Having a very close family memeber who is suicidal means I can really understand what you are going through. You feel torn - do you help out your friend, or do you stay at a distance to protect yourself? It's a dilemma.
My advice, you can be there as a friend to her (and as another person mentioned - with boundaries you set in place) BUT you need to come to the realisation that you are not RESPONSIBLE for her happiness or state of mind. Depression is not something that you can pull someone out of. You can be there for support, but you don't have the majic wand to change it.
I would also start looking at setting up support structures for your friend and yourself. Eg - social worker, counsellor, other friends, parents, family memembers etc...
Hope this has helped!
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Angela - I agree with all the other posts--to get her counseling with a GOOD therapist...not just one who sits and listens but one who will talk to her and get her on meds to help her out of her depression. A person she trusts (like her therapist) is one of the most important things for her right now. I have a family member who is bi-polar and when they're depressed, they need anti-depression meds and a therapist who understands (usually a psychiatrist who can prescribe the meds--psycologists cannot). That's the only thing that will keep her here with us.
Hope this helped.
Sharon
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Sharon
"Anything Chocolate"...that is all!
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Wow! I've been where you are now...and I give you a lot of credit! I had to end my friendship  It was really sad--but sometimes another person's problems are just too big! I agree with the board--convince your friend to get HELP--NOW! Talk to an adult--this is just too much for you (or anyone) to handle alone. I find that religious advisors are good people to go to for advice! You can also go to them anaonymously (although they might not be comfortable with anonynimity in this situation). PLEASE let us know how it goes--we're all here for you--and thinking/praying for your friend!!!
Take care!
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Angel - I used to work in a high school and have had students deal with abuse, depression, suicide, everything. There are usually counsellors on staff - either through guidance or the health room who are used to dealing with suicide and depression. The school can probably get her referred to more professional help as well. You might need to talk to a teacher that you feel comfortable with about this - they will steer you in the right direction. Tell them that your friend is severely depressed and is talking suicide. They will take you seriously. You are a very smart young lady to realize that you can't tackle this one alone. You are a friend not a therapist. The best thing you can do for your friend is tell her that you care. Try to do something with her where she can't talk about being bummed out - ie. a movie is ideal. Otherwise, just try to talk occasionally but don't let her drag you down. Let us know how it goes. Seriously - help should be right within your school. Take care.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Hey Guys,
I just wanted to thank you all for all of your advice. The main reason why she has been so depressed was because of her parents, but her parents have apoligized since she took the aspirin. Im still going to tell my chem. teacher about the situation for soe extra advice. Me and my chem teacher are pretty close (she has ibs too) and i feel as if i can really confide in her. thank you all again 
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-Angela
Healed in Jesus' Name
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Let us know how it's going!
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Hey there, I'm really pleased that you have someone who you can confide in. It's really important that the people close to the depressed person also have the support they need also. Great to see you can talk to a teacher - I'm a teacher too and it's pleasing when we know kids can confide in us
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well guys, everything kindof went down the drain with tessa. she has become a very unpleasant person. she wont let anyone help her, and holds a very abusive realtionship with anyone who tries to get close with her. i tried, but it blew up in my face. my chem teacher will be keeping an eye on her and talk to her when necessary. tessa went out of suicide mode to just an angry rage mode. i think its best to steer clear of her. i think im a lot better off without her. the least thing i need is the verbal abuse.
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-Angela
Healed in Jesus' Name
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Angela,
You did the right thing getting your chem teacher involved--and you're also doing the right hting staying clear of a situtaoin that sounds harmful to you! I know it's hard--you're such a caring person--but your top priority is YOU! (Besides, if you don't take care of yourself, you can't be good to anyone else either!) You're really strong and you should be proud--it's not always easy doing the right thing! Good for you! And don't feel like you've given up on Tessa--I'm sure she's in your thoughts and prayers. It's sad that she's going through all the horrible she's stuff she's going through--but I'm glad you see it's not your job to help her. You've done a lot for her already! You should be proud!
All the best!!!
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Ruchie,
Thank You Sooooo much for the support. It really means alot to me to know that I got people who think im doing the right thing. I really do feel like a failure giving up on her, but your right, i just have to get out of it while i still can
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-Angela
Healed in Jesus' Name
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Re: Ruchie
#4113 - 03/26/03 02:46 AM
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tlc
Reged: 03/06/03
Posts: 207
Loc: Australia
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Angel,
Please don't feel like a failure. It is very difficult to come to the realisation that you cannot be responsible for your friend's behaviour. You have tried to support her, but it's ended up hurting you also. You have done the right thing in seeking out support networks for her ie your chem teacher, so you're not just abandoning her. You have made a sensible choice and I"m really proud of you for getting to that stage. It's certainly hard to do, but you are strong. You know in your heart you care about her, but you are not responsible for her happiness.
Chin up
TLC
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TLC and Ruchie are right on the money. You didn't abandon her. By trying to help her she deep down know you care. Backing off is the right thing to do. Remember: your friend needs to take the next step - you can't take it for her. You cannot help people who are not ready to be helped. Leave it to your Chem teacher. Well done. You are a very wise young woman.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Sharon
"Anything Chocolate"...that is all!
Edited by SharonMello (03/26/03 07:21 AM)
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