help tonight if possible - advise about eating at a friend's house
#35044 - 01/03/04 11:24 PM
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barb n
Reged: 10/14/03
Posts: 65
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Hello all - I did a search on this but didn't come up with alot. My daughter is home after her 1st semester at college; she has been on Heather's diet and fiber supplements for aobut 2 months and is so much better. She sticks to the diet and supplements exactly and is actually scared at this point to do any experimenting at all, although she realizes at some point it will probably be appropriate to do that (especially with wheat). She is now avoiding all wheat (including of course white flour products) because she thinks she is intolerant of it altho she is not sure. So her diet is extremely limited in terms of the way most people eat. At this point, she is not ready to experiment with adding back anything, as she just feels the need to be stable for a long period of time. This is easy to manage at home. And she has it figured out well on campus also. She also generally does quite well at restaurants. She has carefully avoided other situations where there would be a real problem (retreats where they only serve one thing). Tomorrow night she is invited to her friend's house for dinner. She didn't say anything about her diet or problems to her friend, when she got the invitation tonight. I told her later that she would need to discuss it with her. I would like any advice about how to handle that discussion that I could pass on to her tomorrow morning. She is a very reserved person by nature and just hates to draw attention to herself or have people go out of their way for her - so this is very very painful for her -- she even started crying when we talked about having to do it - and then she gets down on herself that she has so much trouble with it. She doesn't want them to cater to just her or change their menu for her. And she is also terrified of the question "what CAN you eat?" because it just seems so complicated and laborsome to try to explain things to people. (if it were only wheat, for instance, she feels it would be explainable) She could even use help with the words of how to explain her problems in a truthful but brief way. These people are really really nice -- but its just so hard for her. Thanks so much for any tips, experiences you can share.
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I know it's hard, but tell her it would probably be best if she did discuss it with her friend ahead of time. Because if it comes down to the time when the food is served, and she can't eat it, she could draw even more attention to herself.
She could probably talk to the host and explain she has allergies and has to follow a special diet or something, and explain to the friend that she doesn't want to 'advertise' it. Maybe she could offer to bring something for everyone that she knows she could eat.
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Thanks, Mags..... what you said makes sense - and i know you all have had to deal with this. I was thinking maybe she could also decide not to go to dinner and get together with her friend in another way -- either way, she will have to do a little explaining........we still have a few hours before she needs to call, if anyone else has any thoughts or experiences that might help. thank you.
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Mags is right on. I would also add that Heather covered this in her book. If these people are her friends, they'll understand and want to try to accommodate her if they can.
The other option as a "safety" is to eat before she goes so that she has a happy tummy, and to be sure it's soluble, maybe take a "portable med supply" (I always keep these in my purse) just in case.
Keep us posted on how she does tonight.
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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I agree also with Mags. Get her to call and ask what is on the "menu" and ask what she can bring to go with it. This is what I do when we get invited for dinner. If it is a close friend maybe she can explain about her IBS diet and her friend can make something for her. Give it a try! Her friend may be more understanding than she thinks!! Good luck. Take care. Sue
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