Losing Friends Over IBS?
#31775 - 12/14/03 08:57 AM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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I just lost a friend who I thought was sympathetic to my plight but proved differently. She and her husband kept inviting me and mine to go fishing with them in the back woods. While it sounded like fun, I really don't do well with hanging my butt over a log. Also, when I asked if there were any bathrooms along the long route getting to the lake, she said most definitely not. I just can't do that. I explained my problem with the IBS, and she seemed to understand (although she did not understand my needing a bathroom when there are so many logs around!), but I never hear from her anymore, and when I called her the last few times it was obvious she was not interested. This is really frustrating to me because now I'm hesitant to tell anyone "new" about my condition. I'm trying to get to the point where I don't need to first "scout out" all the public bathrooms in the area where I want to go, but it's a very slow process. Anyone else out there losing friends over this?  Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Not yet, but then I spend most of my spare time with my fiance these days. He loves me dearly and he's had a really hard time dealing with my IBS...still is. I have been afraid that my IBS could break us up - I'm so different now from the girl he met.
I guess you find out who your true friends are.
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I'm sorry to hear about that. I know how you feel because sometimes I feel like such a burden b/c I don't want to go certain places or do certain things that I might find uncomfortable. Frustrating I know. I would suggest finding a strong support, for me that's my husband and this board! good luck and keep us posted!
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Hi! Any person who no longer wishes to be friends with you because of a physical condition, be it
IBS or something else, doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. You are better off without her.
Of course, this is assuming that was the actual reason-did you ever get clarification about that
from her? If so, there are plenty of people in the world who wouldn't judge you for not being comfortable
having to use a 'log', and plenty of people who wouldn't want to do that even though they DON'T
have IBS! Don't let one person keep you from finding joy in others. Happy Holidays! Linda
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"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." ~ Groucho Marx
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Sorry that happened, but you did everything right. Explaining and telling the truth about IBS is not easy. She chose not to be understanding and that's not your fault. As others said, if a friend isn't understanding, how good of a friend are they?
I wouldn't want to poop over a log even if I didn't have IBS!!!!!!!
Fortunately, I'm finding more people are becoming aware of IBS. IT gets easier. For those who just refuse to understand, you're probably better off without them. Don't be afraid of making new friends - I have found that 90% of people know of IBS and also know someone who has it. It's becoming more understood and more talked about. It helps. You may find more understanding in a new friend!
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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my freinds and family try to understand but don't get it, but I haven't lost anyone over it. With friends like that who needs enemies. 
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Bev, sorry to hear this. Yes some people will not get it.
You could send them this or if you run iinto the same probelm again give it to someone.
http://www.ibsgroup.org/main/aboutibs.html
also for closer friends and family I highly recommend this.
All to often, we forget that IBS not only affects the sufferer, it can have a detrimental effect on the lives of those around the sufferer. Holidays and days out might often be cancelled or restricted. It is not easy having IBS, it is not easy supporting an IBS sufferer either. This short recording is easy to understand explaining the symptoms, common fears, and the explorative tests that IBS sufferers have to go through to be diagnosed as having IBS. For those around the sufferer, it will provide insight into this most troublesome condition. For the IBS sufferer it can be a good source of explaining IBS when you have tried or you are tired of explaining it to others. With gentle soothing background music this recording adds to seeing both sides of the IBS equation. Recorded by Michael Mahoney, known by many sufferers for his gentle, patient approach and for his support in helping IBS sufferers and partners too.
http://www.ibsaudioprogram.com/new_audio_titles.htm
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My website on IBS is www.ibshealth.com
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While I haven't yet listened to Michael's 4th CD, I was planning to do so after I finished his program. I guess I just have to be more understanding; having a friend who constantly needs a bathroom is a real downer for people, obviously. I am very lucky, though, because I have a dear husband who is extremely sympathetic. He does all my "running around" for me (grocery store, etc.), serves me peppermint tea in bed, and brings me hot pads. He certainly makes up for those "friends" I no longer see. I'm especially grateful too for this supportive group! Thanks. Bev.
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Well, that's just ridiculous! Better off without her. I mean honestly - how would you feel about yourself if you gave up a friendship with someone because of their medical condition. And regardless of that - why would you want to force a friend to do something they're not comfortable with! Leave her to her logs....there's plenty of other people to be friends with in the world.
I hope this unfortunate incident doesn't stop you from feeling comfortable enough with other 'real' friends and family to explain to them your IBS.
And don't forget...you've always got us! 
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Don't ferget them garden worms! I got them too, Mags! 
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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