Losing Friends Over IBS?
#31775 - 12/14/03 08:57 AM
|
|
|
|
Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
|
|
|
I just lost a friend who I thought was sympathetic to my plight but proved differently. She and her husband kept inviting me and mine to go fishing with them in the back woods. While it sounded like fun, I really don't do well with hanging my butt over a log. Also, when I asked if there were any bathrooms along the long route getting to the lake, she said most definitely not. I just can't do that. I explained my problem with the IBS, and she seemed to understand (although she did not understand my needing a bathroom when there are so many logs around!), but I never hear from her anymore, and when I called her the last few times it was obvious she was not interested. This is really frustrating to me because now I'm hesitant to tell anyone "new" about my condition. I'm trying to get to the point where I don't need to first "scout out" all the public bathrooms in the area where I want to go, but it's a very slow process. Anyone else out there losing friends over this?  Bev
--------------------
<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Not yet, but then I spend most of my spare time with my fiance these days. He loves me dearly and he's had a really hard time dealing with my IBS...still is. I have been afraid that my IBS could break us up - I'm so different now from the girl he met.
I guess you find out who your true friends are.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I'm sorry to hear about that. I know how you feel because sometimes I feel like such a burden b/c I don't want to go certain places or do certain things that I might find uncomfortable. Frustrating I know. I would suggest finding a strong support, for me that's my husband and this board! good luck and keep us posted!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Hi! Any person who no longer wishes to be friends with you because of a physical condition, be it
IBS or something else, doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. You are better off without her.
Of course, this is assuming that was the actual reason-did you ever get clarification about that
from her? If so, there are plenty of people in the world who wouldn't judge you for not being comfortable
having to use a 'log', and plenty of people who wouldn't want to do that even though they DON'T
have IBS! Don't let one person keep you from finding joy in others. Happy Holidays! Linda
--------------------
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." ~ Groucho Marx
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Sorry that happened, but you did everything right. Explaining and telling the truth about IBS is not easy. She chose not to be understanding and that's not your fault. As others said, if a friend isn't understanding, how good of a friend are they?
I wouldn't want to poop over a log even if I didn't have IBS!!!!!!!
Fortunately, I'm finding more people are becoming aware of IBS. IT gets easier. For those who just refuse to understand, you're probably better off without them. Don't be afraid of making new friends - I have found that 90% of people know of IBS and also know someone who has it. It's becoming more understood and more talked about. It helps. You may find more understanding in a new friend!
--------------------
Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
my freinds and family try to understand but don't get it, but I haven't lost anyone over it. With friends like that who needs enemies. 
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Bev, sorry to hear this. Yes some people will not get it.
You could send them this or if you run iinto the same probelm again give it to someone.
http://www.ibsgroup.org/main/aboutibs.html
also for closer friends and family I highly recommend this.
All to often, we forget that IBS not only affects the sufferer, it can have a detrimental effect on the lives of those around the sufferer. Holidays and days out might often be cancelled or restricted. It is not easy having IBS, it is not easy supporting an IBS sufferer either. This short recording is easy to understand explaining the symptoms, common fears, and the explorative tests that IBS sufferers have to go through to be diagnosed as having IBS. For those around the sufferer, it will provide insight into this most troublesome condition. For the IBS sufferer it can be a good source of explaining IBS when you have tried or you are tired of explaining it to others. With gentle soothing background music this recording adds to seeing both sides of the IBS equation. Recorded by Michael Mahoney, known by many sufferers for his gentle, patient approach and for his support in helping IBS sufferers and partners too.
http://www.ibsaudioprogram.com/new_audio_titles.htm
--------------------
My website on IBS is www.ibshealth.com
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
While I haven't yet listened to Michael's 4th CD, I was planning to do so after I finished his program. I guess I just have to be more understanding; having a friend who constantly needs a bathroom is a real downer for people, obviously. I am very lucky, though, because I have a dear husband who is extremely sympathetic. He does all my "running around" for me (grocery store, etc.), serves me peppermint tea in bed, and brings me hot pads. He certainly makes up for those "friends" I no longer see. I'm especially grateful too for this supportive group! Thanks. Bev.
--------------------
<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Well, that's just ridiculous! Better off without her. I mean honestly - how would you feel about yourself if you gave up a friendship with someone because of their medical condition. And regardless of that - why would you want to force a friend to do something they're not comfortable with! Leave her to her logs....there's plenty of other people to be friends with in the world.
I hope this unfortunate incident doesn't stop you from feeling comfortable enough with other 'real' friends and family to explain to them your IBS.
And don't forget...you've always got us! 
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Don't ferget them garden worms! I got them too, Mags! 
--------------------
<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
LOL - I was thinking it though! 
They do seem to have more of a personality than log lady!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I, luckily, am happy to say that I haven't lost any friends due to IBS. I have been so fortunate and all
my friends have been so understanding.
But I would also like to say that if this lady can't understand your illness than she doesn't seem to be
much of a real "friend" in the first place. This may sound rude for me to say as I don't even know you, but
honestly re-evaluate your friendship with her. She sounds like when you can't do what she wants then
you don't get to play with her anymore...and who needs friends like that.
Don't worry - your real friends will understand so please don't let it deter you from telling people.
Also - don't worry about scouting out for bathrooms....it's the only thing that puts me at ease in a new store
or restuarant! Do whatever you gotta do!!!
Take care,
--------------------
Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Look--caring people will deal with their friends' and co-workers' special needs, period. Yeah, I give one of my co-workers a hard time for eating cold ravioli out of a can for lunch  , but when he needs me to take him to the bank on my lunch break 'cause his car's broken, of course I'm there for him. I have a friend with a couple of chronic illnesses. So when I was sick in high school, I would call and let her know that I shouldn't come over, 'cause a sinus infection that made me feel bad for a day or two would knock her out for weeks. Think about it. All of us here on the boards watch out for our friends and aquaintances--that's why we're here watching out for each other. We have every right to expect our friends to do the same for us.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I was going to recommend the same brochure shawneric shared. I've never actually showed it to anyone, but I printed it out a while ago and it really does a good job explaining all the things people with IBS go through.
I agree with what everyone else has said. Everyone has limitations, even people without IBS, and if she can't accept yours I agree that she doesn't sound like much of a friend. When I first started having problems it took my friends a while to get used to my new habits and eating restrictions, too. But just last saturday a friend of mine had a Christmas party, and she was wonderful about asking me what I can and can't eat and making sure she had things there I could enjoy. That showed me that she had really accepted my problem and wanted to make me feel comfortable. In my mind, that's what friends do. I hope you have other friends who are more willing to stick with you!
--------------------
"Anyone can exercise, but this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." -Garfield
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
A Possible Link?
#31901 - 12/15/03 09:08 AM
|
|
|
|
|
Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
|
|
|
Thanks, guys, for all your questions and ideas AND SUPPORT. I've analyzed this thing to death, and I've come to the conclusion that she's scared. She tells me of symptoms that she has that sound very much like IBS. While she denies that she has it, she admits to a problem of urgent BMs, such that she always wears a Kotex to "catch" the urgency. I didn't understand this because she's only a few doors away from a bathroom (she's a dental receptionist); she claims she can't make it that far when she's stuck on the phone with a client. I tried to get her to see a doctor, but she said she didn't need one. I think she might be a little in denial, and seeing what I'm going through scares her. If I'm right, then I don't want to pursue this with her any more. I miss her, but I just have to move on. Thanks again for your thoughts. Bev. 
--------------------
<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Usually when people are ill, their friends gather round and support them...it seems that IBS doesn't quite get the same response. I'm 19, at Uni, the 1st time I've been away from home and trying to explain to people why I suddenly have to go for a lie-down, or can't go out cus my stomachs in so much pain, is difficult to explain. Although I've been out most times, there have been a few when everyone has gone out and there I am back in my room with strong peppermint tea and a heat pad. Then when the symptoms reduce over the next couple of days, everyone thinks you're fine...then suddenly you get another attack and people are asking what's up again. Tho I've actually found most people here to be really supportive, it seemed to be people back home that didn't seme to be as supportive. I wouldn't say that i've lost friends over IBS, but it has created a kind of distance between me and some people, who just don't understand. At the end of the day, without meaning to sound selfish, you and your body are the most important things and the people who stick by you (even if they don't fully understand) are your true friends
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
So Wise . . .
#32009 - 12/15/03 05:21 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
|
|
|
You're such a young lady with quite an adult mind. And you're absolutely right! I remember when I was in college, back a thousand years ago, I wasn't interested in eating at all, wouldn't go to the cafeteria, and wanted to just go back to my room to study; my friends didn't understand that at all, but at least they'd bring me back an apple or an orange. This IBS is something people want nothing to do with! Thanks, "kat"! Bev.
--------------------
<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
From what I've heard about other chronic illnesses, a lot of people who have a chronic illness have this problem. People seem to have a harder time coping if they know you're not going to get better. 
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Posts
