IBS and my social life
#313115 - 08/13/07 11:31 AM
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IBS is a major problem for me and my social life. when i date girls we go out to eat a lot and there is always hidden dairy. if im not dating i dont care if i ingest a trace amount, but if i'm spending an evening with someone the bloat and gas is so unbearable that it ruins everything for me. i'm afraid to sleep next to someone if i'm going to need to fart all night. Also when i get bloated it puts pressure in my bladder so i need to pee every 5 minutes and this can interfere with other more intimate issues. is there any hope? thanks and sorry for being so graphic :-)
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Hi Mark,
sorry about this having such an effect on your social life, As an extremly sensitive to dairy person myself, my advice is to try dates that don't involve dinner, I did coffee houses for awhile, you know herbal tea, depending on where you live there are some vegan options, even starbucks has vegan stuff, the 8 grain role, and the molassis cookie(watch out for the high fat thing) and like a plauge, those shops are everywhere. Another option is japanese food, they are inclined to use less dairy, there are safe sushi options, and that can be a really fun date. try to suggest places that are safe, or eat at a restaurant your thinking of trying, a few days before the date, to check for hidden dairy. I was a waitress for years, and if you explain to most of them that you really need to know if there is any dairy involved in the dish, most will be cool about it. I was always willing to scamper back in the kitchen and ask questions when it was my job. good luck, and hopefully you can figure out something that works, Ibs doesn't have to interfere with your having a good time.
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ibc a but c predominent doing hypnotherapy and taking it one day at a time
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I totally hear you on this one Mark! It's really hard being a younger, single person with this condition. I, too, am afraid to go on dates because of the possibility of an attack. Alternative dates are a really good idea -- movies, coffee shops, I've even gone bowling once, lol. What I've found, is that honestly, if the person you are going on dates with is worthwhile for you to spend your time with, and with the possible opportunity to develop a relationship with, then they won't get all bent out of shape if you have to ask about certain things when you are eating out. Your health is important, and if you explain to the other person that you have some "insensitivies" to certain foods, most likely if they are a decent, caring individiual then they won't get upset or think you are weird. I'm not saying that you should explain IBS to someone you just met in graphic detail, but just giving them a heads up helps both you to ensure that you don't get anxious, and it lets them know that you can communicate well. In regards to the intimacy thing, that's a bridge that I'm still nervous about trying to cross myself...haven't found any tricks yet  Hopefully dating will get easier when I am more stable. So good luck!
Julie
IBS-D, GERD, lactose intolerant
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"We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it."
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You know-it's no easier for married people-do you really think that just because we are "tied together in holy matrimony", that our spouses want to be blown out of bed every night on the winds of IBS?
Really, seriously, I totally agree-it ruins every event in my life-I miss out on so much because I am forever fighting with this everywhere I go, dairy or no dairy. Fortunately, San Francisco is a windy city and so...
OK I'll stop now
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What about playing pool, go to a local park and watch the birds, see a play, have dates over to your house and cook for them so you know what is in your food, go to the beach, go to a farmers market, my FAVORITE is going to museums. My husband and I have had to get creative so we can go together and I can be comfortable. Most of these outings don't include much food. And what about gas-aide? Hope this helps.
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Crohns, lactose intolerant
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I hear everybody on here. I don't go on dates not because of the IBS, but because of the anxiety that IBS has brought upon me. I'm basically afraid of not being home. I have to go back to work this coming Monday after being off for 3 weeks and I'm completely stressing 'cause I'm going to have to go back on the subway again. I have friends that are always trying to fix me up on dates and I decline simply stating that I'm not into dating right now. I've missed out on my neice's 1st and 2nd birthday party, I'll be missing out on my nephew's 4th birthday party, and my other neice's 7th birthday party. Hell, with extreme effort, I've had to work up the nerve just to check my mail!
In addition to being an IT Specialist, I'm also a semipro pool player and I've stopped playing pool for a little over a year now because I simply can't concentrate and I just don't feel well. I was traveling a lot to different tournaments and the thought of hopping on a plane freaks me out.
I'm hoping that this "too shall pass" but I've been thinking that for over a year now. I think I need to start seeing a psychologist to deal with the agoraphobia that I think I've developed.
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Wendy IBS A thru Z
Taking it one day at a time...
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That's funny! I agree...married people have it just as bad sometimes. Lucky for me I have a wonderful husband who tends to "put up with my IBS issues". I'm not saying he likes it but he doesn't make me feel bad for having it.
I too have missed out on MANY, MANY things but I've just come to realization that everyone in my life that cares about me will understand. The ones who don't, then they aren't really my friends. I totally believe that if you tell people up front and don't hide it that you'd be surprised the reaction you get. Most people are sympathetic and believe it or not, I've had MANY people tell me that they too have IBS and I would have never known it!
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~~~Lisa~~~
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Quote:
I totally believe that if you tell people up front and don't hide it that you'd be surprised the reaction you get. Most people are sympathetic and believe it or not, I've had MANY people tell me that they too have IBS and I would have never known it!
Hey Lisa, I finally fessed up to my boss in the middle of July about what I had been going through for the past almost 2 years and she nor my coworkers could believe it 'cause I never look sick--in other words, I hid it well. It was then that they understood why this party animal wasn't scheduling outings, stopped playing pool, stopped going out to lunch, etc. Why I no longer dressed "hot" as they put it, no more makeup, no more trips to the hair or nail salon, no more vacations, etc. They were super sympathetic and understanding. They've seen me break down at my desk and then understood why I'd wear my sunglasses while I worked! I've since taken 3 weeks off (I go back on Monday the 20th) and last week I sent an email message to my boss to let her know what I've been doing, how I've been feeling, etc. I'd like to share with you guys her message to me:
Hey it's great to hear from you! I did get your message yesterday but didn't have a chance to respond. Things were quite crazy here yesterday. I didn't make it in until after 10:00am and Pat didn't get in until after 1PM. I then decided to leave early since there was still no E, F, or V service to Queens and I knew the express buses would be a mess! Anyway, I'm so glad you sent the note below. I've been thinking about you and wondering how you were doing. It sounds like you're making progress both physically and psychologically. As you point out, half the battle is dealing with this illness and I know that if anyone can do it, you can. You're a strong person, Wendy. During this past year you put all of your strength and energy into maintaining a happy front and making sure no one saw what was really going on with you. Now you can take that energy and redirect it into a positive, life-changing, force. Keep it going, girl. By the way, you are an excellent writer. Have you ever thought about writing as a second career? Seriously, I really think you should look into it.
Should I go ahead and pass this on to the guys here? Let me know.
Take care.
Doreen
Tomorrow they'll be receiving a basket of cookies from me thanking them for being so understanding.
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Wendy IBS A thru Z
Taking it one day at a time...
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Hey Mark I forgot to mention in my post that intimacy is no longer in my repertoire. I don't even have a libido anymore. Sex makes me feel sick afterwards and at times it gives me severe cramps in my pelvic area.
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Wendy IBS A thru Z
Taking it one day at a time...
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