dealing with family
#292272 - 12/02/06 01:25 PM
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After a failed attempt at turkey meatloaf and a week of chicken and shrimp, my family has rebelled. They want their old dinners back and think it's unfair for them to have to restrict their diet because of mommy's illness. I will admit the turkey meatloaf was nasty, texture wrong, taste was wrong, yuck! But the rest of the week's dinners were ok, just much healthier than the normal dinners. I tried telling them that it was healthier, but nobody cared. I tried appealing to sympathy for mommy's tummy, nobody cared. So what do y'all do about feeding your family? Do you cook them their "normal" meals and eat your own safe foods? Do you tell them to get used to it?
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I'm sorry you're going through that. It's bad enough to have IBS, but the stress of worrying about this now too isn't much help. 
What kind of meals do they want? Is it anything you can modify?
I'm lucky enough that hubby and stepson (when we have him every other weekend) eat what's cooked for them. And rarely, when I do make something that hubby doesn't like, he'll make his own, or I will, depending on how complicated mine/his is.
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In my home the normal people eat normal food and the IBS suffer - me - eats healthy IBS food. It requires a little a bit more preparation but not much. There is one exception. I won't cook beef for anyone but that does not seem to be a problem because everyone is happy with bison (buffalo).
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STABLE: ♂, IBS-D 50+ years - Science of IBS
The FODMAP Approach to Managing IBS Symptoms
Evidence-based Dietary Management of Functional GI Symptoms: The FODMAP Approach
FODMAP Chart & Cheatsheet
The Role of Food & Dietary Intervention in IBS
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At home we do a mix. When I cook, I tend to make only IBS-safe meals, and my family is more than happy to eat them. I do however try and get a lot of variety in terms of flavours and meat. I make lots of dishes with chicken, shrimp, tofu and fish. And I also am not the one cooking each night. When my family is cooking something non-IBS safe, I try to alter it for my diet, or I make something totally different. For instance, with spaghetti, my family will have the sauce with beef, while I will take some sauce aside in another pot and add tofu, shrimp or ground chicken.
As for having foods around the house, I try to be understanding that my family will have cheese, pizza etc around. If it's something that will tempt me, I try to let my family know that it's not good to have it around all the time. Last time my family had pizza, I didn't sit at the table with them and they understood. I made a separate meal for myself.
I think it is about balance. Think of how hard it was for you to give up triggers, and that is knowing how much pain they will cause you. Your family can eat them fine, so it would be near impossible to get them to give it up. On the other hand, you don't want to be surrounded by food that isn't good for you. And yes, this diet is healthy so having your family follow along is ok. However, if they are able to eat red meat and dairy, there is nutritional value in them as well (B12, iron etc) that they should be getting.
If you're the only one cooking I can understand the frustration. Maybe it would help if you weren't the only one cooking? That way if there's something your family wants that isn't safe, they can make it and you can find something for yourself.
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Kat
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with me and my boyfriend its funny, i am basically vegan and he is not, not a huge meat eater, but likes his cheese and chicken, so yeah i make 2 meals most of the time, some times we have crossover, like if i make stirfry i wil add his chicken later and my tofy later, same veggies and suAce though. When we have kids etc, they will eat my food and i will probbaly just cook him his stuff still, he eats decently healthy, but hates tofu, too much beans, etc and thats what i live on.It works for us so far.
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Luckily my husband and I cook every dinner together, and he is EXTREMELY sensitive to my dietary needs. I'm practically vegan, and so he basically eats vegan as well. We cook one meal each night. When we have kids, they'll follow my diet as well. However, in the summer when we can grill more, it's much easier for him to throw a pork chop on the grill for himself and a veggie burger for me, and it's not really "two separate meals". But I do understand when once in awhile, he just wants REAL cheese!!
I think you need to have a real heart-to-heart with your family. They need to really understand what you're going through and how hard all of this is for you. There's obviously nothing wrong with what you're cooking; you're right, it's healthier. And if they don't like it, then I agree that they should pitch in with the cooking! It's really not fair that you have to cook two separate meals every night.
But that's just my opinion. 
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Lisa, IBS-C (Vegan)
Stable since July 2007!
Mommy to Rhiannon Marie (Dec. 13, 2008)
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That is a tough situation. Here's what I do for my BF & myself. I try to alternate his dinner, chicken/turkey every other night, regular food the other nights. On the off nights I make the same meal but a different meat for him. I make rice, pasta, or couscous; then a veggie (usually canned, no salt added green beans, peas, or carrots, they're easier for me to digest); I saute a chicken breast or a ground turkey burger for myself & then a pork chop or reg burger for him. I'm still cooking the same amount of food as I did before I got IBS, but we're both happy w/dinner. And a lot of the recipes on this website are really good! Our favorites are Chicken Picatta & Tender Ginger chicken. Another suggestion is Amy's Soy Cheese Pizza. Your kids can add reg cheese, pepperoni, whatever they want, and you can have it plain-don't worry, it's the best frozen pizza I've ever had. Hope this helps!
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IBS-A...I can never make up my mind
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If you can find it. The only place I've found it is Lowe's Foods. But it is without a doubt the BEST ice cream I've ever had! Most of the soy ice creams available are delicious, but Tofutti's Vanilla Fudge is my personal favorite. It's creamier than reg ice cream. Your kids will love it! They won't even care that it's made of tofu! 
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IBS-A...I can never make up my mind
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