life worries
#275726 - 07/26/06 12:19 PM
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sophiejay
Reged: 07/26/06
Posts: 74
Loc: England
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hi again I just wanted to know if any one had any advice on how to explain to your boyfriend or partner about your ibs and how they adjusted, any hints will be greatly appreciated! Having a particulalry bad day today, but its made easier by this web sitexx
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I think it's important to be up-front and honest about your IBS if you're in a serious relationship. Let your boyfriend know how long you've been suffering, and on a positive note, you are seeking help for it now.
I recently went on vacation, and whenever I travel, my IBS-D goes haywire. I didn't want to spoil the vacation with my boyfriend, so I didn't talk about it much (although I was obviously suffering). He scolded me for not telling him everything, because he wanted to know what's going on. He has C and I have D. What a pair!
Anyhew, if your guy loves you, he will support you through this.
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I guess thats what i'm scared of! Does he love me enough to stick it out, I guess i'll find out.I mean i have to put up with his moodiness if his football team loses so i think i deserve a little understanding.Thanks again can;t thank you enough for your advice, i'm glad to hear your boyfriend supports you and is so understanding i hope you are well and thanks again
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I wouldn't be too worried about your significant other not understanding.. Mind you I haven't been in the posistion where someone didn't understand my condidtion.. I didn't really talk about it infront of my bf right in the beginning not because I was trying to hide it, but because it just didn't come up... Then one night I had a particuarlly bad attack at his house and thats when I explained it all. He sat with me until it stopped hurting and rubbed my back to make me feel better... That was a little over four years ago and we are getting married next summer...
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god i hope my boyfriend will do that for me! (Just to explain the situation, i've known him since i was fifteen and got ibs around that time, we have tried to do the boyfriend girlfriend thing many times, but i get sick and tell him im too sick and to be honest embarassed to let him see me when i'm like that so i end it before its even started and he leaves then we meet up again cause we love each other and no one else compares and then my ibs flares up or he gets cold feet and then were back at square one, but were trying again now, sorry i know this isnt a relationship message board, but thats my story.) i suppose if he cant cope with my condition then hes not the one for me, but that sucks as i've been in love with him for six years and have never fully been able to explain why i get so sick, i just shut him out, i guess i'm gonna have to be bold and spill the beans. Congratulations to you and your partner I hope you are well and thankyou for your advice
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Don't get me wrong, in the beginning I was very embarrased.. as much as he is understanding the idea of having an attack (and him hearing it, yikes) I'm still kinda like that. Example we went on a trip to calgary this summer and I cheated a little and ate some things I shouldn't have. Even though I ate long before bed it hit right as we were trying to go to sleep. Picture this, extreme pain, a little hotel room, a bathroom right beside the bed and gas/D that was loud enough that I was sure the whole hotel heard me (or at least the next room over) and he was nice enough to say *oh, I didn't hear anything at all* Thank Goddess for the hypno cds.. I don't know what I would have done without them.. I haven't had an attack or the slightest hint of symptoms since starting them.. 
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oh my goodness! I'm definatly gonna try the hypno cds! i have had simular experiences with friends at sleepovers which led to me being a recluse for four years only leaving the house to get my special groceries and only if my dad was with me incase of an attack. Even though i get so down with the pain im not gonna let this keep me down and if my bf loves me like he says he does then he'll stick with me through this, thank you sooo much for your support u rock!xx
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Re: life worries
#275758 - 07/26/06 03:48 PM
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Toady
Reged: 04/06/06
Posts: 1299
Loc: A small city, Northwestern Ontario, Canada
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When and how you tell you bf is as important as telling him. It sounds like you have know each other long enough that he should know what is going on in you life. Especially because it will affect your relationship together at times.
I told my husband when we met 8 years ago I couldn't eat certain foods because they disagree with me. But back then I was stable. When I started getting really sick at times, I told him more about ibs. And he is really understanding. He always makes sure I'm okay - especially if I've been in the bathroom more than 5 minutes. (He doesn't wanna find me passed out from the pain) And he gets sympathy pains sometimes too! If I'm sick, he's unhappy for me and with me!
Most people have compassion, I hope your BF does too.
Best of luck!
Cassandra
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Cassandra
Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like you've never loved before.
IBS A 20+ years, Chronic Migraines, Chiari Malformation (decompressed June 22, 2010), Brachial Neuritis, and ??? the list just keeps growing, but I'm still shiny side up! 
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hey cassandra, thanks for the advice, i'm glad your husband gets it and your totally right, i guess we just need to sit down together and talk about it. I think he'll probably be relieved! I have to say just reading all the advice from this site, i realise i'm not a freak after all and if he loves me he'll support me like your husband has for you. Thanks again hope u r wellxx 
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Hi! I completely understand your worries; I felt the same way with the first guy I dated after I started having episodes. After awhile, I realized my IBS was (sadly) a good way to see a person's character. If they react oddly and make me feel embarassed, they're not a true friend of mine. My good friends have been wonderful. They can talk to me about it like it's the weather!
I told my boyfriend now right at the start. I just got fed up with being ashamed of it and put it out there almost as a feeler to know how serious he was. Risky and brash but it's worked out. He's been wonderful about it; in fact, he's the best one of everyone who knows. It's a non-issue with us. Telling him made my life easier because he knows why we do movie and a dinner, not the other way around. He knows why I'm super picky at a restaurant and he'll go in, check a menu and know if we can eat there.
How and when you tell him is up to you; do it only when *you* feel comfortable but I promise that afterwards it will help you feel less embarassed in the relationship! I didn't jump in and say "I have IBS!!" I just told my bf I had to be careful with food because I had medical problems. He asked for more info, so I told him I had tests done to find Crohns, etc. On his own time he researched those and figured out what I meant by "sick" so I wouldn't have to tell him details! That was nice!! This is getting kind of long but if you want to talk more about it just let me know!
Hopefully this made some sort of sense lol
Jen
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~*If you can dream it, you can do it*~ Walt Disney
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thanks jen it did make sense i promise! Your bf sounds like a really good guy, it is quite embarassing having to tell the guy you love all about your bowel habbits, i guess I just wanted him to think i was perfect, but i realise that is something no one can be. You've helped lots thank you sooo much! It just scares me because i picture telling him and i get a little scared that he wont get it but i'm not giving him much credit i suppose. He is a good guy so i'm gonna explain as much as he wants to know and take it from there. Its sooo annoying not being able to be spontanious and go out when ever i feel like it or get close to him when you always have to worry if your guts okay. But I'm not gonna let it stop me from being happy. Thank yopu again hope u r wellxxxx
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I know exactly how you feel! Best of luck when you decide to talk to him. If you're embarassed about discussing your bowel habits (which face it, who wouldn't be!) you might try what I did and mention the tests you went through and tell him to google it on his own time.. or just send him the link to this site maybe. That way *you* don't have to tell him the icky but important details and he realizes how common it really is.
My boyfriend (and mom even) are going on the eating for ibs diet with me so don't underestimate yours! I never saw that coming for me lol!
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~*If you can dream it, you can do it*~ Walt Disney
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thanks jen i think i'll do just that, glad to hear your doing well thanks sooooo muchxx
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Hi,
I was also very nervous about discussing this with my husband. We've been married for 18 yrs, and I was only diagnosed with IBS-D three years ago.
Now that we have had more freedom (because kids are older) etc, we'd always planned on doing more outdoor activities and being spontanious. But with my tummy being the way it is, spontaneous doesn't really work.
It was very hard at first because hubby would get frustrated when I needed a bathroom at every stop, but he's since been very supportive and helpful. He's also helped with research, experimenting and offering to change his eating habits so I can stay on the EFI diet. That is a huge step for him because he is such a meat and potatoes..gravy...yorkshire pudding..kinda guy.
I guess I would just second what the others have said...be upfront and honest, knowledge is the key.
Good luck
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Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away
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Thanks so much, i'm glad your husband has been supportive of you and i only hope i can get that from my bf i hope your doing ok now:)it is a complete pain having to constantly worry about my gut, but it sounds like your doing okay and that gives me hope thanks againxxxx
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Just know that every one has different experiences with the cds.. I am having great sucess and things are amazing but then, I don't think that I had it as badly as some on this board.. So if you do get them, just make sure you have an open mind and don't be discouraged just incase things take longer.. Some people on this board have had to do the program a couple times but it is a great help with stress reduction and such.. good luck..
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