Dating and IBS
#245519 - 02/10/06 01:57 PM
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cas
Reged: 02/10/06
Posts: 4
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What is the best thing to do if you are going on a date and you have IBS. eat dont eat what I was Married for 25 years after we eat out it was go home and get sick. Now Im not married and I dont date because I know Im going to get sick and thats not very good for someone you just meet. (Some one please help Me.) 
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I think you should not be afraid to date because of your IBS. Many people have certain dietary considerations and when they go out to eat, they have to ask for substitutes, etc. Just be sure that the place you eat offers low fat alternatives, that they are happy to make substitutions--you choose the restaurant, and go online to view their menu, or call ahead and make sure they will accomodate you. I also make sure to take a couple immodium before I go out to eat to prevent an attack. I also make sure to take SF, my antispasmodic and my supplements a half an hour before eating. If you think you'll freak your date out by taking a bunch of pills, then just take it before you leave! Sooner or later, you will have to tell your date about your condition. You'll find the right time, and if on the first date is not the right time, then just don't say anything and hope for the best!Also, when you eat, just eat slowly and avoid overeating. Order IBS safe foods and ask for alterations if necessary. If your date seems to want an explanation and you don't want to get into the IBS yet, just say that you have a sensitive stomach and need to be careful about what you eat! Keep in mind that you might be nervous, so avoid your trigger foods and probably alcohol too so you won't exacerbate your symptoms. Stay positive! I don't think this has to bring the end of dating. If someone really cares about you, they will understand!! I hope this helps.
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*Janice*
"Where there is love there is life."
-Mahatma Gandhi
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It's all in the food choices you make. You don't have to give up eating out or dating.
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Read through all the dietary guidelines on this website. Heather gives specific instructions on how and what to eat when eating out. It's all in the guidelines. Then, hit the search button. This topic has come up millions of times and you'll likely find lots of good helpful hints.
Don't be afraid to ask servers specific questions. You can always say you have dietary restrictions, and could they please grill instead of fry, etc.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Hi ... I am dating someone and just told them from the beginning what I can and cannot eat and he was great about it. So when we go out, he makes sure which restaurant I can go to and all of that. I think most would be fine with you just telling them and if not ... the person isn't worth your time.
Good luck!!
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Hi Cas. I have also basically taken myself off the market for the past couple of years because of my IBS. So I just want to say I understand where you are coming from. I'm 29. For me, it's not just the high-maintenance ordering in restaurants and my (attempted) avoidance of alcohol, it's also the fact that I am insanely bloated and uncomfortable all the time so I am avoiding any kind of intimacy. Not a very satisfactory way to go through life, admittedly. All I can say is I am hoping things will improve and I will make up for all that lost sex in my 30s!!
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IBS-C, lots of spasm and trapped gas.
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Me three!
#245716 - 02/12/06 08:54 AM
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Augie
Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois
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I come with a lot of "baggage" and don't IBS doesn't make you feel very sexy does it! Not even sexy...but just normal looking in general. Not with a belly sticking out like I"m 9 months pregnant! 
I also struggle with gluten issues...so try to find a restaurant that is IBS and gluten free safe? Impossible. So, I stay home alone. I fear I will never meet a man and get married because of this stupid body.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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I just want to echo what everyone else has said. Read the guidelines of the diet. Do a search on the topic and on specific varieties of safe restaurant foods. Do not be afraid to ask for substitutions. You may feel a bit self-conscious about at first (I did), but you may be surprised to learn that your date and the waitstaff will NOT look at you like you have 3 heads! 
And now, some Snorkie commentary...
Also, there are dates you can go on that don't include restaurants. For example, you can take in a museum or meet at a coffee house (and order a nice pot of herbal tea) and just talk.
For those of you despairing because you think you'll never meet a mate because you stay home because of IBS...Okay, I won't say I never thought I'd find someone to marry for one reason or another, because that wouldn't be true. BUT I will say that you can't dwell on the "horror" of being single. You can have a full & wonderful life without being married. I always thought it would be nice to be married (and it is), but I never thought it was essential to a good life. I had a pretty darn great life before I met my husband. I love him dearly, but he's icing on the cake. Hang in there!!
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Yes, there are many ways to avoid getting sick while on a date, but it still doesn't make it any easier to have to tell someone that you barely know that you have this condition. I am still struggling to tell my friends, even though I've known for years that I have IBS. Just a year ago I stumbled onto Heather's website and that has helped immensely. Because I now have the tools to know what to eat and the support of knowing others suffer from this condition, it's helping me to tell my friends, although very slowly.
I dated a lot this past summer, but never felt comfortable telling anyone on my first date about my condition. I think the hardest thing for me is not being able to drink alcohol, because that is such a common thing to do socially, so I just avoid drinking at all for the most part and let them wonder why I don't drink. I wish I had more courage to speak up about my condition, but I often just feel awkward talking about it.
I pulled out of the dating scene for a bit for various reasons, and am just now thinking about the return to dating, and dread it a little, because then I again have to deal with being different, but like everyone says, if it is a good person, they will understand. Hopefully I will have the courage soon to return, but I do sympathize with others who suffer from IBS when it comes to dating. Dating in general is not always fun! 
Best wishes to all on the dating front,
Kat
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I'm sorry; I didn't mean to come across as snippy.
I guess I've just never been terribly embarrassed to say I can't eat something. This is probably because 3 of the 4 people in my immediate family have had "stomach problems" of one sort or another for about as long as I can remember.
As for drinking, I've never been much of a drinker. Usually all it does is make me sleepy. And I've very rarely felt pressured to drink. Again, I don't mean to sound snippy; it is just my experience.
As for irony, I once seriously dated a man who has Crohn's disease. My IBS was not diagnosed at the time, but I think I went through a pretty bad flare when we were living together. Yes, his Crohn's at the time was worse than IBS, but he had absolutely no patience when I'd have to stop to use the potty.
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Hi Kat, Yes, you can simply tell them you're a T-totaller(sp?)
. It's not uncommon at all these days, especially with women.
I know lot's of healthy women that do not drink at all. Hmm..,
maybe that's why they're healthy<laugh>.All bars do serve non
alcoholic stuff too. -Bob
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<img src="http://www.math.mtu.edu/~rwkolkka/BritPicA.jpg">
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Hi Snorkie, I love your commentary, you ought to have a Dear
Snorkie column  . By the way, I think your website is
pretty neat too. I'm allergic to olive oil, and have never
had any problems getting substitutions even in Italian res-
taurants. Also, yes single life is not so bad, especially
when you have pets. I think I would be rather lonely without
mine. They make for good company and are always entertain-
ing. I have a dog(he's the one I was walking in that parade
pic I had in my sig a while ago) and two cats. It's always
fun watching the dog and cats interact. -Bob
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<img src="http://www.math.mtu.edu/~rwkolkka/BritPicA.jpg">
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...but I'll never be convinced that a dog can take the place of a warm, affectionate, supportive partner. Someone to cuddle with and share memories, both happy and tearful. Holidays and normal days.
I just don't think most people are meant to go through life alone. That's why God created Eve along with Adam! 
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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If only my dog were a man!
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>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<
Michelle
IBS-A, pain predominant
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Yes, this is a tough situation! If you tell your date you have IBS, you may never hear from him again! And, if you don't tell him, he may think your wierd if you, for example, refuse to drink alcohol, or if you start eating a special diet that appears odd to "IBS outsiders."
I think the best thing is to initially try and avoid situations where you would have to eat or drink anything. Make dates to go to movies, etc. ... avoid restaurants and cafes. If you must go to a restaurant after a movie, just say you have already had enough to eat and drink and don't need anything further. Or order something plain like bottled water. Or order a pot of hot water and slip you own peppermint teabag in.
Or you could say you have food allergies. This would be much easier for your date to digest than admitting you have a bowel condition! (I successfully used the food allergy excuse for years!)
Then, if and when you were to know the person better, you could explain what you really have.
But be gentle with your explanation! I've known my boyfriend for 25 years and even now he doesn't like to hear too many details about my IBS! Nor do any of my friends or family for that matter! And, really, I'm not sure I would want to know many details if I didn't have IBS!
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really the easiest thing to do is just go to a coffeehouse and order herbal tea or whatever soymilk concoction you can handle.
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Beth, Oh no, it's not just a dog, it's a dog and two cats . But seriously, you are right. However, if it's not
possible for the time being, you have to make the best of
things. Also, we're not totally alone as Kiwii has pointed
out. The Lord is with us. When I have troubles I always
recite Psalm 23 in my head. -Bob
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<img src="http://www.math.mtu.edu/~rwkolkka/BritPicA.jpg">
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I like the coffee shop idea. I'm stable, so I can do dinner, but I always make sure it's someplace I know I can eat, and that I take my immodium and SF ahead of time.
Also, I've been pretty private about my IBS, but recently began explaining it on first dates. No problem whatsover. It usually comes up when talking about food somehow and I just tell them I have IBS, which means I have a very sensitive stomach and can't eat a lot of fatty stuff. I don't go into the messy details - who wants to hear that. (and if they ask I just say I spend a lot of time in the bathroom.) No one has ever batted an eyelash at it (seems more and more people have heard of ibs, though they're not clear on what it is). Good luck!
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